#fallaciia

The sun is high and the land below is hot from the force of its blaze, and Deputy Barnes has his hat settled so that his face is cast in its shade. He’s leaning back against the wall of the sheriff’s office, top buttons of his shirt undone in an attempt to stay cool in the unrelenting heat. He’s expecting to meet someone here, and a smirk begins to tease at his lips as he finally sees her coming, beautiful as ever.

The guy’s gone quiet -- some poor young sonofabitch they installed as a guard,  who’d started out all swagger and threats and hadn’t taken very long to  start shaking, point him in the right direction. (He doesn’t look much more  than twenty, but that doesn’t mean anything -- there’s no such thing as too  young with this crowd.) It’s a reprieve from his chatter from earlier; maybe he’s  a nervous talker, or maybe he thought he could annoy Bucky enough to get  him to leave quicker. 

It really doesn’t matter -- he’s got what he needed, a couple of a files, archival  AV recordings, and some tech that’s seen better days -- and it’s only taken  the better part of an hour to make sure nothing’s missing. This isn’t hardly  a library, so he can take as long as he needs to go through it all at his place.  There’s plenty left in the room that he hasn’t touched, hasn’t even gone near;  medical supplies, objects that look vaguely familiar in a way he doesn’t want  to question too hard. More than enough for them to be able to pretend that  what’s missing was gone when he got there, if they bother to check. 

Bucky plants himself in front of the kid, smile deceptively friendly. It’s  half-familiar; and he doesn’t quite feel bad about the way the kid flinches  when Bucky claps a hand on his shoulder. (Occupational hazard, he reasons.)  “You wanna keep breathin’, you’re gonna keep this between us, huh?” It’s  not the right time yet to go in guns blazing, but he’s been trying not to leave  too much of a trail of bodies in his wake. Doesn’t need the questions. He  doesn’t have to worry about it anyway, because as soon as the kid nods,  he gets a left hook hard enough to keep him out for a good long while. 

He sends the text as he makes his way out, one-handed.

so like? this is a song about a couple who is in love and they don’t want to admit it but they also don’t want to lose each other ever. they aren’t supposed to love each other. whatever they are, it’s not supposed to be that. for widow hunt i feel like the line “we’re always changing” is so important because they’ve both changed so much, and really since they met each other in the red room they really have changed so much. the song really starts off sorta cold because he isn’t worried about it being love and i think with bucky that’s because he feels it but he’s so certain that she doesn’t.... until they get a moment together, when that love is still real and raw and emotional and they both know it but now they just aren’t willing to say it. and bucky is getting desperate because he knows now that he’s still in love with her and there’s a chance she still loves him except he can feel himself losing her all over again because she isn’t ready for a relationship. 

he wishes it was easy. he wishes there was a way to be happy with her again, but he knows that it would be one-sided, and this internal battle, the same battle he had to fight right after widow hunt in order to move past his heartbreak, is constantly on his mind. “but then I start to think about the consequences, because I don't get no sleep in a quiet room” because he can’t stop thinking about it.

and every moment he spends with her he’s reminded how much he loves her. “every time she sneezes i believe it’s love” is sort of the realization that he’s once again lost himself in his love for her and he can’t fight it anymore. “she’s talking in her sleep... every word is nonsense but i understand” is the most buckynat thing ever i shouldn’t even have to explain this tbh. 

He  sits  up  in  bed  with  a  gasp,  breathing  hard,  eyes opened wide. 

He remembers -- he remembers a car,    and a cliff.   He remembers a target, which he took care of, but someone else too. Someone else he hurt. 

Nightmares  about  past  missions  are  common  for him, but this is different. They’re usually about people he never met, people he never knew as anything more than a target. But  this -- he  remembers  her  face  as the bullet passed through her stomach.      He’d tell himself it’s not real if he didn’t know the scar was there. 

He’d never questioned it. Everyone in their field has scars. He just didn’t think he was the one to put it there. 

“--You think they’re ready?”

( it’s unexpected, which is why it takes her a moment to   kiss back. unexpected, but never unwelcome, and it’s   easy for her arms to slide around his neck, rising up   slightly on tiptoes as she kisses him. when she speaks,   it’s murmured against his lips. )

❝ mm, what was that for? ❞

❝ did you know kissing day is a thing?     and we missed it? ❞ 

( any excuse to kiss nat is always welcome, and he thinks    this is a pretty valid excuse!          they missed a holiday    designated for kissing!  so of course they’ve gotta make    up for it now.     his arms around her waist pull her flush    against him, and he grins down at her wickedly. )