#faiza talks

the way sugiki calls suzuki a little fish who's a king in his little pond who dares not even want to try to step out of his comfort zone so he has no right to even be a rival to him, as a way to get back at suzuki for telling sugiki that he'll never be number one at the world championships because asians do not get to be number one, so there's no point in sugiki pushing suzuki to compete at worlds.

the way sugiki is so stubborn and adamant that it isn't his asian-ness that is stopping him from being world number one, vs suzuki's clear acceptance that it does, and suzuki's anger and outburst directed at the entire system and the people who control it and can do something about it, vs sugiki internalising it and pushing himself to the limit in perfecting himself over and over again, especially when his ex girlfriend and dance partner left him because she knew sugiki's asian-ness is what was stopping her from being world number one.

that doesn't mean suzuki isn't competitive. hell, he's asian. asians are some of the most competitive people you'll ever meet. our parents pressure us with direct comparisons and competition and survival of the fittest since day one. so, he is competitive. but he also knows when he's fighting a losing battle. and so, he knows which battles to pick where he can compete and succeed in, partly, in my personal opinion and personal experience being desi myself, to keep his sanity and mental wellbeing intact and to actually enjoy dancing and find pleasure in it, flaws and all. unlike sugiki, for whom everything has to be clinical and refined and polished and perfect. he is relentless. he does not settle. that doesn't mean sugiki doesn't find pleasure in dancing. he does. as an unhealthy obsession, where, yes, he would die if he didn't dance. but, i think, deep down, deep deep down, even he knows that no matter what he does, he cannot change the fact that he is asian, and what that means for him: coming second every single time and missing out on being number one.

but its takes for someone like suzuki to come and actually make sugiki want to enjoy dancing, put some heart in it. put some love in it. even when sugiki is leading suzuki in the ballroom dance part of that final honour dance scene in the movie, sugiki looks so much more relaxed as opposed to when they used to practice at the dance studio, where sugiki was controlling suzuki like a puppet, like he did fusako.

and so. when you watch 10dance, though its a japanese film, there's very little japanese/asian-ness in it, and asians from the diaspora will completely understand that feeling. we are still asian. no matter where we go. and we only really have each other to form small groups and communities to feel a sense of home and belonging out here in the west. and it was so heart warming that the core 4 characters in this film, sugiki, suzuki, fusako and aki, are all japanese. are all asian. and they find comfort and warmth and love and support and acceptance in one another. and thank god that they have each other to rely on and come back to against a system that will kick you down and tell you that you're good but just not good enough and make you question everything about yourself. a system so brutal and unwilling to change and still so deeply rooted in racism towards asians.