#failedattempts

Kyler. Where do I start? You came into my life at my worst and you’re still here to tell the story.

Kyler was a college friend of one of my best friends. I visited her and my other friends that went to the same school at least 2-3 weekends a month. I was still recovering from my breakup with Anthony that had occurred just a few months prior. Parties and alcohol were my favorite allies. Kyler had also been going through a breakup, but he seemed to have been handling it better than I.

I knew there was something different about Kyler from the day I met him. He’s a very special person to me, so I’m trying to be very purposeful as to how I tell his part of my story. Just know, this story isn’t meant to display Kyler in any bad way.

After the first weekend we met, Kyler and I started texting constantly, everyday. Sometimes, we’d talk about everything, other times, we’d communicate merely through emojis, I didn’t mind what it was, as long as his name popped up on my phone. My favorite times though, we’re when “YOU’RE CUTE” in all caps would pop up, I’d respond with the same energy. 

Our friends didn’t necessarily love the fact that we were talking this way to each other. My best friend, to this day, the one that introduced Kyler and I, explained to each of us that she didn’t think we were ready for a relationship. She worried we’d ruin friendships and hurt each other if we continued with this. Kyler was more compliant than I was. With his lead, we stopped talking. This only lasted a few weeks though, as we couldn’t help ourselves and I couldn’t understand why I’d stop talking to someone who had a talent of making me smile more than I’d ever thought possible. 

Kyler and I liked to watch AHS together. Well, he liked it, I liked the way he’d hold me when I got scared. (Which was most of the time.) One night, we were all at a party and Kyler and I ended up leaving early. We walked to the gas station right off campus so Kyler could pick up a pack of cigarettes and then we headed back to his dorm. We talked the whole walk back. About our parents and their divorces, our childhoods, exes, everything. When we got back to his dorm, we sat on the futon and he turned on AHS, of course. This started to get a little more physical than the kissing that had become a regular for us. I kind of froze. He was the second person I had done anything like this with. We didn’t go all the way, but I’m sure what we did do was horrible. At that moment, I realized I may not of been over my breakup yet. I’m sorry for that night, Kyler.