#f4f?

*a little about me*

~ Im a 21 year old girl

~ Im a huge Monsta X fan and they are pretty much the only group I stan

~ Im from CA

~ Im a Scorpio

I don’t have much going on so those are the most outstanding things about be...sadly

You sit and you stare off from across the table, I watch.

I can’t help but think about all the mistakes I’ve made.

I can’t help but think about all the negative things you have running through your head when you look at me. 

Am I just thinking that, or is that what’s going on?

I can try harder. 

You tell me actions speak louder than words and my words are quiet whispers and my actions are nonexistent and I am failing you.

I am constantly failing you.

I am constantly disappointing you.

But first I have failed myself because in this life the only thing I’ve ever looked for was acceptance. 

How can I be accepted by others if I cannot accept myself?

I’m not like you. 

I’m not like your friends. 

I don’t ramble off funnies and make a joke of every moment like you can.

What I can do is smile even when I’m not comfortable to even do that.

I can love with my whole heart, love everyone around me, but not myself.

I can love even though I cannot love myself.

I hate when others tell me that I can never be true to others, love others unless I am true to myself, love myself.

Who are you?

Really, who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do?

Do I judge you? Have I told you that you cannot do something?

Have I held you back in life? If I have, let me go.

Let me walk out the door for the 3rd time, and don’t let me come back.

I can try harder... 

I will tell you that daily until you believe me until my actions are loud enough to break the windows in this house.

Until my actions are so loud that they are screams that keeps everyone awake.

Will you give up? When have you had enough?

All that I can do will outshine the doubt you have in your heart about me not being able to change and not being okay.

All that I will do can try to redirect your thoughts and paint a better picture of me.

kik - xdynamitexbabex

snapchat - ctiffaney95