Didn’t I My Dear | Blainchel F2F
Rachel felt like she had been running forever between the crying and the constant dodging of people- a reminder that it was Valentines Day and of course everyone would be out. She makes it to the Subway and pushes her way through, finding an empty pole to hold onto and she quietly taps her index and middle finger on her right hand against the palm of her left, hoping to calm down, hoping she could just hide in her bed and sleep it out. She’d hurt Mason and she knows she had and it was all because she felt like being selfish. It hadn’t felt that way in the moment but it certainly felt that way now. He tried to reason with her, tried to reassure her, it could be them catching up as friends, but she’d ran away like the baby she has always been.
When she makes it back to her home, she crosses her fingers, hoping they were busy putting the kids to bed and not wandering around where they would see her tear streaked face and hair that was no longer in it’s braid. Of course luck wasn’t in her favor and Ruby and Amos were sitting at the island in the kitchen. Rachel doesn’t knowledge them, instead grabbing a large glass and filling it with water, drinking it down as quickly as possible before refilling it.
“What happened sweetheart?” Amos asks, tone concerned, and Rachel never felt more anger in her life- mostly because it reminded her of her dad, and he was the last person she wanted to think about.
“How dare you go on and on about how successful the system is and how it works. It’s a lie. You’re lying. You’re just lucky you had similarities and weren’t seeing anybody else. It’s not easy or good. It’s a sham and a way to control all of us like we’re robots or something.” Rachel’s voice is quite but her voice quivered with anger and distress. Ruby comes over to place a hand on her shoulder and Rachel bursts into tears all over again.
“I can’t do this. I need to go lie down.” She grabs her glass and runs to the basement, despite her level of upset she managed to not slam the door, as much as she wanted to. Rachel flung herself to her bed once she drank down her second glass of water, crying into her pill as she clung to her stuffed bear that her birth mother had left for her when she was born.
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Rachel finally removes herself from her bed when she realizes just how sick to her stomach she feels, like she could throw up, and never stop. The water didn’t make her feel better, didn’t help fill the void, that she’d caused for herself. When she spots the flowers sitting on her bedside table, the flowers from Blaine, she wonders what he was doing. She thinks back to the roster she’d looked over before she’d taken her turn at the kissing booth and she remembers his name being on it. It had made her smile. Without a second though she grabs her coat and her boots and her bag and she runs out of the house, fast walking to the subway station, and quietly sitting in a seat. She looked a mess but there wasn’t anything she could do about it right now. All she knew was a hug from Blaine could help make it better, she’s almost sure of it.
When she arrives in Time Square she makes her way to the location of the kissing booth and to her surprise Blaine is the one running it at the moment, she pulls a ten out of her bag and waits in life, a feeling of relief moving through her body as she got closer to the front. It’s when she was staring him in the face that she was able to stop crying. “Can I give you ten dollars for a hug? Is that allowed? If not I’ll um...I’ll donate the ten and take a kiss on the hand.” She shifts in her boots, hoping she didn’t seem too off to her friend- though she knew it was a pointless thing to hope for when she’d been crying for what felt like forever.
