#f1!gojo

“what’d you do in lab?” satoru urges on, “y’know i would’ve liked to go to college i think it would’ve been nice.” your ears perk up at his comment.

“really?” you have a small smile on your face as he nods at you, looking off to the side before focusing back on his phone.

“yeah, wanted to study engineering” he replies, “i like hearing about your days so i can live vicariously through you” he giggles, even through the phone you can see the blush on his cheeks as you stared at him.

there’s a beat of silence before you speak up again. “well i woke up early cause i had to take the bus- and you know how full the busses get for 8 ams” you ramble, continuing to talk about your day in detail. satoru couldn’t feel more grateful, hanging on your every word just as you did his.

“there’s a race this weekend right?” you asked after a couple minutes of silence. satoru nodded, grabbing his phone where he had it propped up and holding it up as he laid on his back, one arm behind his head.

“imola this weekend, think you’ll wake up on time for it?” he teases, you scoff and roll your eyes at him.

“it’s not my fault i had to pull an all nighter before the last one” you pouted, “i really did try! i watched the first two laps before passing out” you defended. satoru couldn’t help but laugh.

“alright, alright I’m just teasing you sweetheart” he looks at your now flustered face and swears his skips a beat, “don’t ever feel guilty about missing a race, your classes are more important even though i try to talk you into skipping to follow me around the world.”

you grow more flustered by his words, smiling widely at your phone and clearing your throat. “maybe once I graduate I can take a gap year” regret creeping up on you. was it too soon to bring up the future? the two of you hadn’t even said i love you yet.

“oh that would be a dream” satoru giggles, his face flushed and he’s practically swinging his legs like a schoolgirl. “we can wear matching outfits in the paddock and i can show you around the cities- oh my god ill get to kiss you right after races.” the white haired driver catches himself in his daydreams, clearing his throat before trying to backtrack as to not scare you off.

“I mean only if you want of course” he assures, his face burning as a shy smile creeps onto his lips. “would you want to?”

“Im the one who brought it up, genius” you tease. satoru lets his heart skip a beat, admiring you as you got back to studying. “oh also i might be texting you a bit less since finals are around the corner.”

you can practically hear your boyfriend pouting through the phone, “how much less?”

“not too sure, I’ve got a couple back to back days so i need to start early to cover all the material” you sigh, stressing out over all of it already, “I’ll try to keep calling but i get really bad at communicating during finals season” you admit.

“it’s okay sweetheart, just take care of yourself alright?” he gives you a soft smile, “I’ve actually gotta go but I’ll text you, make sure you don’t stay up too late.”

satoru laughs as you give him a salute, smiling and waving goodbye before hanging up. he rolls over on his back and lets out a sigh, it’ll be okay, right? he begrudgingly sits up in his bed, rubbing his face before standing and getting on with his day.

the sunlight is barely creeping into his Monaco home, there’s a couple decorations here and there, some trophies from F2 and now a second place trophy is adorning the top of his shelf. photographs with family and friends hung on the wall, a picture of him and suguru smiling brightly at the camera, both of them no older than 14, clad in their karting uniform.

satoru wasn’t sure what do with himself, it was rare for him to be up so early. he almost regrets hanging up so soon, but as his phone buzzes with your text he smiles.

goodnight <3

he knew you’d have stayed up all night studying if he had stayed on the phone with you. satoru wastes no time in replying to you, a grin on his face as he makes his breakfast. he did have a couple errands to run, making a mental checklist as he finishes up his food and checks his phone, just in case you had texted him again.

he wasn’t sure how he survived without your presence before, the hours of the day seemed to drag on, texts from the team, a quick phone call and meeting up with Oscar and a couple of his friends to play some padel.

“are the rumors true then?” oscar asks, a sly smile on his face as satoru looks at him with the tiniest grin.

“dunno what you’re talking about” he teases, Oscar nudged him softly as they both stand from the bench, satoru twirling the padel in his hand as they get ready to play.

“you plan on introducing them to anyone?” satoru thinks it over, mentally mapping out your schedule as they continue the match.

“maybe after the semester ends, might be able to convince them to follow me around for the summer” he replies, cheering and giving the McLaren driver a high five as they score.

satoru’s mind continues to wander the rest of the day, what would it be like to have you here for the summer? he thinks about showing you around Monaco, taking you around Europe and treating you to fancy dinners. he imagines you in his house, having you meet the other drivers, it all makes his stomach flip.

you weren’t lying when you had said you’d be texting him less, with satoru only receiving a good morning text and nothing else for the next six hours. by the time you’d had a moment to take a break satoru was sound asleep, his phone buzzing next to him.

“hello?” his voice is raspy and groggy, and you feel guilty for ruining his sleep.

“did i wake you? sorry we can talk later” you quickly rush out, zipping up your bag and making your way out of the building you’d been studying in.

satoru rubs his eyes, checking the clock and seeing how late it was, “no, it’s okay what’s up?” his eyes are still half closed, a loopy smile on his face as he hears your voice.

“just wanted to say hi, sorry i hadn’t texted you, had to meet up for a project and then studied for finals” you sigh out, “gonna get home make some food and probably study for the rest of the day.”

satoru hums in response, “want me to send you something to buy dinner?” you can’t help but laugh, a blush and stupid grin on your face as you walk through campus.

“no, I’ll be okay thank you though” you giggle, “how was your day? when are you heading to Italy for the race?”

“tomorrow probably” he mumbles, “hopefully it’ll be a good weekend for the team” his voice trails off as he sighs dramatically, “even if you won’t be there.”

“just gotta get through these next two weeks,” you say, comforting yourself more than you were him. satoru can practically feel the stress through the phone. “my bus is here I’ll text you?” there’s a hint of hope in your voice and satoru yawns on the other end, humming.

“I’ll be waiting, sweetheart” satoru has a sleepy grin on his face as you whisper a quick bye and hang up, two minutes later he’s out like a light.

you sit giddy in your bus seat, headphones in as you scroll through your instagram. there’s a feeling of being watched you can’t seem to shake, looking up and finding two girls staring at you, quickly tearing their eyes away as if they weren’t caught staring. you check your shirt, then your reflection in the bus window. with furrowed brows you shake it off, maybe they recognized you from a class?

there was no telling how long it had been since you began studying, your eyes burning as you decided to take a quick nap, figuring you’d be up in an hour to knock out some last minute assignments.

when you woke up at was already almost 5 in the morning, groaning as you saw your somehow snoozed alarm. thankful you didn’t have classes that day as you scrolled through your notifications.

satoru <3 1h ago

good morning :)

about to get on the plane :P

forgot to mention it was a morning flight lol

you felt a small pang in your chest, texting him back quickly

hi !! sorry i got so caught up in studying i totally forgot to text you :(

i hope it’s a safe flight !!!

im probably gonna head to bed for a bit longer, have a good day :3

the frown on your face was evident as you locked your phone, your reflection staring back at you. there was no telling what satoru was up to, it was 11 am in Italy, you figured he was probably setting up in his hotel room or in team meetings.

the days seemed to fly by, with you losing track of when qualifying was, waking up for the last part of Q3 and cheering when satoru placed P5.

you texted him immediately, knowing he wouldn’t see it until later. there was a slight pang in your chest as you scrolled through the past messages, sparse ‘good morning’s, ‘good night’s and ‘hope you had a good day’ being most of the texts for the last couple days.

part of you knew this is what you’d signed up for, having talked to satoru about it the night before you’d come home from Japan.

“i really like you” you began, your hands fiddled with the drivers fingers as he hummed for you to go on. “but do you really have time for a relationship right now?” the words hurt to say out loud, but both of you were thinking it.

“I’ll make time for you,” he responded, not missing a beat as he stilled your fingers, intertwining his with yours and squeezing softly. “hey” he mumbled, smiling when you finally looked him in the eyes, “we’ll make it work, pinky promise.”

you sighed, locking your phone before slinging your backpack over your shoulder and heading out the front door.

satoru felt like the team debrief went on for ages, fingers itching to check his phone. had you woken up on time? he nodded along to kento and toto’s words, having some input on track and tire feel when necessary.

“alright get some rest, let’s try and get both of you on the podium tomorrow” toto spoke, laughing when satoru shot out of his chair and waved goodbye quickly.

satoru wasted no time in checking his phone, grinning when he saw your live commentary via text. he immediately pressed the dial button, hoping you weren’t busy.

“well if it isn’t mr. P5 himself” you teased, a smile on your face as you walked across campus. “you did great today, i think” you smile.

“hi sweetheart” he’s practically giggling to himself as he walks to the car, a giant grin on his face, “i saw you woke up in time for quali” he says, turning the car on and reversing out of the parking spot.

“course i did! had to cheer for my favorite driver” you reply, “ill be up for the race tomorrow also, it’s not insanely early” satoru can’t help but feel nervous, as if you were right there with him.

“I’ll do my best for you sweets” there’s a beat of silence before he speaks up again, “how’s studying going?” the words make you let out a small sigh, satoru frowns a bit.

“it’s going, last day of classes today and then I’ll have more than enough time to hyper focus in on everything else I’ve gotta study.” you sit on a bench outside the campus library, staring at a couple of birds in the tree in front of you.

“two weeks and you’re done with the semester right?” satoru wonders how stressed you’d be for the next two weeks, if would you be texting even less than you were now.

“week and a half, my last final’s on that wednesday” you mess with the strap of your backpack as you speak, “but I’ll be free after that.”

satoru hums, wondering if he should get you plane tickets for the races now or if he should hold off to closer to the date.

“I’ve gotta get to this study room before someone steals it, and you need to get some rest for the race tomorrow” you say, smiling when satoru whines for five more minutes. “bye toru get some rest, I’m betting everything in my bank account on you getting on the podium”

“well you’d only be losing like what? $15?” the driver teases and you wish he was there so you could smack him. “goodnight sweetheart, make sure you eat dinner and get some rest too okay?”

your goodbyes extend into another 10 minutes of talking, finally saying goodnight to him when you hear him yawning a bit, hanging up before the two of you could strike up another topic of conversation.

the next morning you were awake bright and early, watching the race with your friend as the two of you have your laptops open to work that slides that should’ve been getting studied, but instead stare at the two of you cheering at the fast cars.

you’re drowning in a Mercedes crewneck, satoru’s number embroidered on the front. he’d bought it and shipped it to you when he found out you didn’t own any formula one merch, except for the Red Bull shirt you’d bought on sale. it practically brought the driver to his knees when he caught glimpse of the two bulls on your t shirt.

you’re hugging the pillow in your lap tightly, on the edge of your seat as you watch satoru enable his DRS behind a McLaren driver.

“and gojo is on norris’ tail as we head into the chicane, he’s out of the slipstream- he’s able to get into the apex first and he overtakes!” the announcers voice is blaring though your apartment, “another great move by the rookie as he gets yet another podium for Mercedes.”

you can’t help but cheer, jumping from the couch out of excitement. “that’s my boyfriend!” you squeal, a grin on your face as you jump around with your friend, hugging her in satoru’s stead.

there’s no wiping the grin on your face as you watch him get out of his car, cheering and running to his mechanics before taking his helmet off. you feel your cheeks heat up at how hot he looks, breath hitching in your throat as you try (and fail) at focusing back on your studies. small giggles leave your mouth as you record the podium ceremony, snapping a picture of your tv and sending it to the man on your screen

told you I’d cheer you on :3 I’m so proud of you !!!

satoru spends the day in a blur, a whirlwind after the race as he handles media and team debriefs in the paddock. he gets to his hotel room beyond exhausted, falling face first into his mattress before finally checking his phone.

sweetheart <3 6h ago

his eyes go wide as he scrambles to text you back, a toothy grin on his face as he types back quickly. there’s no filter as satoru rambles on over text, sending you a plethora of messages explaining the race highlights and what he’d done after, being sure to ask how your studying is coming along. the time difference makes his heart ache, knowing you’d reply when he’d be dead asleep.

so he does the only thing he can do, ‘i hope you have a good day :3’ he sends, a small frown on his face before sighing and tossing his phone to the side and finally letting himself relax.

you weren’t sure where the days had gone, your stress growing exponentially as your finals creep up on you, hundreds of pages worth of notes to study as you coop yourself up in the campus library. the buzzing of your phone makes you lose focus, grabbing it and smiling softly when you see it was satoru.

hiii , can you call ??

at the library rn, talk later ?

oh

okay :)

no race this weekend but i might be busy w other stuff :P

satoru feels selfish for feeling hurt, he hadn’t talked to you in over a week already, the last time being sunday night after his imola podium. he tries to push past his feelings, reassuring himself that after this next week you’d be all his. he can’t be too mad at you though, seeing as though he’d all but ghosted you during some race weeks where he had other responsibilities on top of team duties.

the by week was no time for satoru to relax, with toto and kento calling him to train during the week so they could better prepare for the next race. now that they had a foot in the door for the world drivers championship they were gonna do everything they could to make it a reality. it was long days and nights for satoru, being the first one in and out as he listened in on strategy meetings and practiced on the simulators.

satoru landed face first in his bed when he got home, mumbling out a curse as he feels his phone vibrating next to him. what the fuck more did they want?

your contact picture lights up the room, one of you under the cherry blossoms after he’d asked you out. satoru’s foul mood has vanished, answering quickly before the last ring.

“hi!” he grins, sitting up in bed and looking at your face through the facetime call, he messily attempts to fix his hair as you stare at him with a smile.

“hi! whatcha up to?” you ask, messing with the pencil in your hand as you rub your eyes gently. satoru noticed the darkened bags under your eyes, and he can spot the empty can of Red Bull you’d forgotten to get off camera.

“just got back from practicing, they’re working me to the bone” he smiles, “how’s finals? almost done?” you nod at his words, exhaling dramatically.

“thank fuck I’m almost done, have my last three this week” you grin, “and before you ask yes I’ve been having actual food” satoru giggles over the phone.

“and that contraband next to you?” his brows lifted as you spot the crushed can and look at him sheepishly, tossing it into the trash can under your desk.

“dunno what you’re talking about, maybe the crashes got to your head?” you tease, satoru laughs, falling back onto his pillows, one hand behind his head. the flex of his biceps makes you lose your train of thought, satoru can’t help but admire how cozy you look in the crewneck he left you.

“funny seeing as though I’m in the top four for the championship” he quips, not so subtly trying to get your praise.

“i saw that! you’ve also podiumed in every race except your debut” you boast, wiggling your brows as you show off your limited knows, “i wish i could give you a kiss or hug you or anything” satoru feels the frustration in his bones, wanting nothing more than to hold you after the high of a podium.

“someone’s been studying up on the formula one” he replies, it makes your cheeks heat up, “after your finals you’ll be able to kiss me all you want, I’ll get you plane tickets to fly you over to me” the excitement in his chest is quickly put out as he sees the look on your face.

“i wanted to talk to you about that” you mumble, clearing your throat and tearing your gaze from your phone. you’re nervously writing in your notebook as satoru stares at you intently through the screen.

“what?” he lets out a breathless laugh, “i thought we agreed after your finals you’d come with me to my races?” he asks, furrowing his brows.

“we never talked about that toru” you laugh nervously, “and I’ve got this internship i interviewed for” you begin, eyes flickering to your phone to gauge his reaction. “um it’s between me and three other people- it’s a really good opportunity i can’t pass up on if i were to get it.”

the silence in the air makes you feel like you’re suffocating, not tearing your eyes from the paper you were writing notes in, satoru is staring dumbfounded at his duvet.

“oh.”

he winces at his own lack of words, racking his brain and speaking up again, “i mean that’s great but how are we going to work? like-” he laughs dryly running his fingers through his hair, “you’re not making time for us, how is this even a relationship?”

the words come out harsher than he intended them to, and it makes your chest pang with guilt. you bite your bottom lip, scoffing at his words and rolling your eyes.

“i don’t make time for us? what about you making time for us? for me? even before i started studying for finals it was me waiting around to see if you’d text or call” you snap back, the stress making your meaner than you wanted to be.

“you know racing isn’t just me driving around the track a couple times right? i have to practice, do media and promotions and so many other things” the slight snicker in his tone takes you by surprise, anger bubbling in your chest.

“okay? and it’s not just me going to classes for a couple hours and coming home and chilling out for the rest of the night” you shoot back, the grip on your pen tightening.

“y/n racing is my whole life, I’ve worked to get into formula one since i was a child” satoru says, “i can’t just skip out on stuff because you want me to.”

“so you shouldn’t ditch your responsibilities and goals but i should? for what? so i can be your little trophy wag?” the venom in your voice is enough to make satoru’s defenses go up.

“you know that’s not what I’m saying” he groans, “how are we ever going to work out if we’re texting each other every other fucking business day.”

maybe it was the terrible timing of it all; with the stress of finals driving you up a wall and satoru being hailed as Mercedes saving grace, the pressure was on him to compete for the world drivers championship title.

“im trying my fucking best, I’ve been nothing but supportive waking up at fuck ass o’clock to cheer you on” satoru rolls his eyes, clenching his jaw and shaking his head at your words.

“are you implying that I haven’t been supportive? I’ve sent you money for dinner, I’ve wished you luck every day I check in on you everytime i fucking can” he snapped.

“point to where i said that, stop pulling shit out of your fucking ass” you groaned, “you know what i have to study for this final im not wasting my time with this” satoru can’t help but chuckle darkly.

“so now working on our relationship is a waste of time?” he knows he’s being petty, but being snarky and rude was the only way he could mask his pain.

the exhaustion seemed to hit you at once, no longer having the energy to keep up with your anger. you put your face in your hands, sniffling before wiping your eyes. satoru’s heart breaks at the sound of your sniffles, eyes locking on your figure, frowning at your red rimmed eyes.

“let’s talk about this later” you mumble, satoru shakes his head, he knows there wouldn’t be enough time in his schedule to.

“no we need to discuss this now” his voice is stern, “if we don’t talk about this now we’re just going to be wasting each others time.” the statement breaks your heart, you know where this is going.

“we talked about this in the hotel” you say, “i knew this shit would happen.” satoru pieces everything together quickly, but ironic as it may be, he’s not fast enough.

“m-maybe in another life-” your voice wavers, chocking back a sob before you continue. “maybe in another life or another time it would’ve worked out for us.”

satoru’s hands go cold, he feels himself getting dizzy. the flurry of emotions makes him feel numb, but even as he stares at you dazed he whispers out, voice breaking.

“i love you.” the three words he’d been saving to tell you in person roll off his tongue naturally, so instinctively it hurts.

“don’t say that” you plea, “that’s just going to make this hurt more.” there’s a certain desperation in your voice, satoru shakes his head.

“do you not feel the same? tell me you don’t love me” he begs, heart shattering when you remain silent.

“i cant” your voice is barely above a whisper, you’re shocked your microphone even picks up on your words. “you know i love you, but-”

“why does there have to be a but? I don’t want to end things” satoru cries, his face is flushed red, bottom lip torn from how hard he was biting it earlier. “we can try harder, I’ll try harder” he’s clinging onto anything he can, hoping he’ll find the magic words to keep you on the phone longer.

“we have to be realistic about this satoru” you say, “we’ve got to let each other go.” even as you say the words they don’t seem to register in your mind, “we don’t have time for this relationship, it’s not fair to either of us.”

there’s so much left you want to say, but nothing seems right, not as your vision continues to blur through your tears as you pick at the lint of your sweater, his sweater. there’s no telling how much time had passed when he speaks up, it makes you jump slightly.

“so that’s it then?” satoru asks, it takes all your courage to nod, giving him a small smile and saying goodbye. your shaky thumb hovering over the red x, wincing when you end the call.

his sweater felt heavy on you, like it knew you shouldn’t be wearing it anymore. even then you couldn’t bring yourself to take it off, a chocked sob leaving your mouth as you hugged yourself tightly. it was for the best, you tell yourself.

satoru is out of bed, running his fingers through his hair and replaying the conversation in his head as he paces around the room, mumbling curses out of frustration in every language he knows. your words are rattling around his brain, he sniffles softly before finally sitting down. the bright sunlight seeps through his closed curtains, he feels his bottom lip wobble before letting his head land in his hands, sobs shaking his whole body.

despite being thousands of miles away the two of you are found in the same state, splotchy tear stained faces and broken hearted. it’s for the best, the words are repeated in both your mind and his. if that’s true, why does it feel so wrong?