#f.r

Ist der Moment, in dem du erkennst wie ich wirklich bin"

i never thought i would be writing a letter about a guy. i just never thought i would care that much.

i miss him, charlie. it’s a crazy thing to say because i barely know him. i only ever knew him for one day but that was what life was, everything was temporary and one day was as good as anything else.

i miss the way he made me feel. it snuck up on me that day, i thought he was just another guy but he was more than that, nobody else has ever made me feel like that before, he liked me more than i liked him almost and it was nice to feel so wanted. that’s what i miss. i don’t even know him well enough to miss him, i just miss the way he treated me.

but that’s it now, we’re thousands of miles apart and i’m never going to see him again. we texted for a bit the other day and it was so nice. he was flirting with me even though he knew i was gone. but it’s all over. flirting over text is all well and good but it’s nothing really. i want to physically be next to him again.

i know it’s all crazy. nothing more can or will ever happen with him, i could’ve just let  it be a nice memory, but instead i’m letting myself get hung up on it. i know i’m being crazy and irrational. and yet all i want is for him to text me.

i’ve written this letter 3 times now and i’ve deleted every attempt. i want to write it all down, get everything out, but i’ll never be free from my own thoughts.

all i can do is hope that the next step will be better. that somehow, i will find what i’m searching for. i don’t know how something that was such a positive experience is making me so sad.

or i can just pray for a miracle.

dear charlie, i hope that one day i’ll figure this all out. it stresses me out to know that i won’t.

i think i just need to cry for a bit.