#ezburns

Being with Eddie was the best thing he'd ever experienced. He didn't know he could love so much, he didn't know he could be loved so much. Buck had the utmost confidence in their relationship — the only lingering fear or apprehension came to Chris. Christopher, Eddie's son, who called him his best friend. Who pleaded with his dad to ask when his Buck would be coming over again. Their relationship was getting serious — it was time for Chris to know that his dad and his best friend weren't just friends. Not anymore.

“ Hey bud, can we talk? ” Buck went in first, knowing Eddie was sitting on the opposite side of the couch and that he would pitch in when needed. God, his heart is pounding. He thought telling the firehouse and his sister was hard — but this? Maybe it's because he's Eddie's flesh and blood. Maybe it's because this will hurt the most if he responds poorly. Chris says sure, Buck, and that's when he knows — no going back now. He doesn't want to lie to him, or get his hopes up for no reason. He needs to say something, and say it now.

“ I'm sure you've noticed I've been staying over a lot. ” He scoots on the couch, sitting closer to the boy, and moves to put his arm around him. He'd done it before plenty of times, and hopefully he'd continue to do so. “ That's because... ” Buck starts, but chickens out. He was terrified. Terrified that Chris would hate him, terrified that Chris would hate his dad. He turns to look at his boyfriend, seeking out a look of encouragement — and once he gets it, he continues. “ That's because your dad and I are... dating. ” There it was. Finally, out in the open. “ I know it's different, and if you need time to process it, I get it. But we wanted you to know. ” Buck looks between Chris and Eddie, and instead of waiting for a reply, he continues to speak. Curse his need to fill what he deemed as awkward silences. “ Is that okay? That I'm not just your dad's friend anymore? ”

tamara had insisted that the house needed a proper goodbye - then lucy agreed, but tim has a feeling it's mostly because.. well, until they find a new place to live that isn't the apartment - they can't host everyone at one dinner table. so tim had lit up the grill one last time for his family to come over. so he left tamara in charge of setting up the table, distracting kojo so he doesn't jump up the grill - while tim is smiling at the thought of eddie coming over with chris ... & being grateful that he gets to share his life with these people. that he has lucy back. that they all get along. that tamara wasn't too old to be with her parents. shaking his head with a small smile to himself - then kojo comes bolting towards him. "KOJO! no. be careful, the grill is hot. your dinner is inside." although.. who wouldn't rather have grilled hamburgers & sausages rather than ... well, today's menu was rice, salmon & chicken.

[ SMS , @ezburns , 1:12 AM ]: why are you still awake ?

children    are    always    susceptible    to    danger  .    when    nanny    is    slain    and    adolescent    is    abandoned  ,    youth    left    to    bargain    for    their    life  .    then  ,    they    are    led    astray    by    the    boogeyman  .    they    disappear    into    the    onyx    atmosphere    like    fog  .    these    are    the    cases    that    are    always    the    hardest  ,    these    are    the    moments    she    loathes    the    most  .      informing    the    parent  .     man    has    nearly    collapsed  ,    fractured    and    befuddled  .          ❛  ❛        you    don’t    need    to    apologize    to    me    ,      ❜  ❜          gaze    surveys    melancholy    father    for    a    moment    after    surveying    room  .          ❛  ❛        you’re    upset  ,    you’re    panicked  .    your    son    is    missing  .    this    is    a    perfectly    normal    reaction  .       ❜  ❜            and    alas  ,    here    they    stand  ,    in    a    shitty    situation  .          ❛  ❛      but    i    swear    to    you    i’m    going    to    find    christopher  ,    but    in    order    to    do    that    —    i’m    gonna    need    your    help  ,    okay  ?    is    it    possible    that  ,    before    today  ,    christopher    could    have    unknowingly    engaged    with    someone    dangerous    without    your    knowledge  ?      ❜  ❜          nine    times    out    of    ten    it’s    an    ex    -    wife    or    husband    …    but    this    feels    different

it's almost like eddie momentarily forgets ... almost like he forgot that kelly already lost one half of his heart. that he was still haunted by old video tapes - that shay haunts his every moment. his every move. that his chest gets so heavy he can't breathe. over my dead body. there's a flash of terror in his eyes. the horror on his face is hard to conceal. he doesn't want to; but he's picturing eddie dying. picturing eddie bleeding out on the pavement in front of him - & suddenly it's hard to breathe. he forgets every technique he was taught to regulate his breathing. he was a god damn firefighter. he breathed through smoke, breathed through fires. but he couldn't breathe through the image of eddie dying in front of him.

It was a total spur-of-the-moment decision, one that left him about $200 short and using half of his sick time, but it was a decision that was totally worth it — the look on Eddie's face when Buck called him on the way to the airport, the way he laughed when Buck practically lifted him in the air and the way Chris excitedly called his name made it so. The reunion when they got to Eddie's car was even more sweet, with both of them finding their designated spots in his boyfriend's car. They kissed, over, and over, and over, until they couldn't contain their giggles over the sound of Chris going ewwww! in the backseat.

"oh yeah?" head whips to the side - at an almost comical speed. if eddie knew what he was doing, well, it sure didn't seem like it. things had been going smooth ... as smooth as things could go when you shared a last name with benny severide. he thought he had eddie, that he'd found someone he could count on, someone that was his. that there was no competition, no rivals for his heart. maybe there wasn't - but kelly wasn't the winner, because right then & there: enter shannon. shannon who wanted to reconnect, who wanted to be a real family - something kelly couldn't compete with. fuck if he even knew how that looked. he couldn't even pretend. he was losing this battle, but no matter how loud his alarm signaled for help inside this burning building - everyone else were retrieving.

he wants to chew out eddie - wants to argue. fight & bite. but he doesn't. because the truth is.. kelly is so damn tired. after losing shay? he felt like he lost more than a limb. like he was walking in the dark, eddie had been the light ... but now it was just foggy & kelly was lost once more.