i'm so fcking stupid it's 22:30 pm and i have to correct and learn a speech by heart for tomorrow i'm so fucked
i've been trying to motivate myself all fucking weekend to do it and i just couldn't do it i even broke down earlier today in front of my mother and she told me it was okay if i failed this assignment for dutch and i'm grateful but still this is so fucking stupid i'm so afraid of speaking in front of a group i'm putting this off and that it's for dutch class is freaking me out
i thought i was finally getting out of my depression but i'm not i can't sttop crying i hate that procastination is a symptom of depression i was supposed to correct the speech for friday but i didn't and i told my friends and they told me to get my fucking procastination in order but hOW CAN I IF IT'S BECAUSE I'M FUCKING DEPRESSED AND DON'T WANT TO GET OUT OF BED AND DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING AND CR Y ALL THE TIME
BUT I!!!!! COULDN'T TELL THEM WHY because i'm scared of the backlash i'm fucking terrified it'll leak out i don't want ppl pitying me i already have all the self-pity i need
oh my god i'm so stressed that my stomach is sweating what tvhe fuck
i've actually never said on tumblr that i'm a depressed teenager with a dissociation disorder and only one of my irl friends know (only the depression part) so hoora y now you all know
at least i've stopped crying now writing this all down has done some good
