#explains so much

NEW SECRETS FOUND IN HUMAN GENOME

"Turns out we're another Brassica cultivar," says scientist

And now I feel like I have to tell that Santi would be the first to die in a horror movie - it's just my gut feeling

...How big of a lizard are we talking about, exactly?💀

Well, if we're following Horror Film tropes, the jock of the group does usually die, so yeah that means Santi is a goner. Not sure he would be first. I would assign the hosts like this:

Santi: jock

Tom: love interest of Jock

Lee: trope wise nerd who knows what's happening to them

Amy: popular girl

Ash: innocent/virgin

Steph: parent figure of heroes

MatPat: villain/murderer

So my order of horror movie deaths is Steph, Amy, Lee (who lore drops vital info before he bites it) with Santi & Tom dying at the same time to protect Ash.

Except SURPRISE! Steph is not dead, she's actually working with MatPat in some twisted evil lover situation and they both go after Ash. Ash barely manages to escape after they use Lee's lore drop knowledge to kill Matt and Steph at the last possible second. Ash comes home to a worried sick Sam, who consoles them as the cops arrive.

Then Fast Forward to the credits where we find out MatPat is totally still alive and his corpse makes a twitching motion right before we cut to black.

BTW I'm following Cabin in the Woods logic where the virgin/innocent always has to live or die last.