So I went out on a date with a girl the other day, which was fun and interesting to try new things and meet new people, explore connections outside of my immediate echo bubble. Unpacking my emotions and thoughts the next day however left me with a sour feeling in my stomach I couldn't quite place. I realized that because this girl was very straight and a little on the shy/possibly socially conservative side, that I subconsciously switched to old behaviour patterns in which I had my straight white guy mask on. Being with the two partners that I have, I haven't had to wear this mask much socially (I often still wear it at work) and I realized how disgusted I felt at myself for pretending to be straight, pretending to be something im not, just to make this person like me. Or at least to make her enjoy herself more, it's difficult to tell, as I have a history of being a people pleaser. This isn't even mentioning the fact that I identify as GenderQueer.... At this point, I don't think I'll see her again, as this has brought up some interesting thoughts for me, and made me think about my future. I'm not sure I'd be able to date anyone who isn't queer anymore. Or at least not unless they're obviously super cool with it and a vocal ally. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about the whole thing. Sometimes it is confusing being a pansexual GenderQueer.

I don’t mind people who do believe in it. That’s great, really. I just personally do not :) 

Christmas here in germany is different. You don’t need to wait til 25th, the actuall christmas day. No, we get our presents on 24th. In the evening though. Why wait right? Just take your presents and sleep. I mean it’s not a problem now... but as I was a kid it was like “Here have the thing you wanted since a half year. You’re not allowed to play with it though. It’s 9pm. It’s bedtime for you”. If it were in the morning I would be more like “I don’t want to stand up for this... can you bring it to me? No? Okay... I just sleep another few hours...”