#exnulify

“One year closer, Osamu. One year closer. ”

   “ ah . . .  the weather is chilly today .  i think winter will come early this year . “  she speaks softly ,  voice becoming quieter with age .  she looks up to the sky for a moment .  “ but the sky has no clouds ,  so i’ll have to enjoy it while it lasts . “  she begins talking about nonsense ,  how the house has been cold ,  what she saw at the market ,  how she’d almost lost an earring –––

   it’s not until she runs out of things to talk about when she frowns .  hands grip themselves as she looks down at the ground . 

   “ . . . i haven’t been able to move on ,  you know .  you expressed how much you wanted me to ,  but no one has captured my heart like you have . “  she begins ,  her voice beginning to crack .  “ i still think it’s my fault .  maybe i couldn’t keep you happy enough ,  or maybe you wanted to be rid of me ?  i just wish i could of saved you from it . “

   “ i haven’t taken your ring off ,  either .  it reminds me of the times we were happy together ,  of the times i was sure you loved me .  i’ll never forget our promise ,  ‘til death do us part .  i just didn’t expect death to come so soon .  i wanted to do so many things with you .  i . . .  i wanted to be able to grow old with you . “  tears flow freely at this point ,  sobs escaping her covered mouth .

   “ i’m sorry ,  osamu .  i’m sorry that i couldn’t keep you here .  i’m sorry that i wasn’t there to save you .  i’m sorry i failed you as your wife . “  hunched over with grief ,  she cries with her face in her hands .  after what seems like hours ,  but were merely minutes ,  of crying ,  she pulls her jacket closer around her shoulders .  “ . . . i don’t want to be alone anymore .  it kills me when i see your side of the bed empty ,  when i can’t hear your voice ,  when seeing your headstone . . . “

   mallory’s hands touch the now mossy headstone ,  marking the burial site of dazai osamu .  tears escape once again ,  switching positions to lean against the stone .  “ i hope you won’t be upset with me ,  i figured i would just wait here for you .  it won’t be long now . “  her choice of poison was a wine laced with cyanide .  she had drank it before walking to her final resting place .  eyes begin to drift closed –––  and she swears she sees dazai holding out a hand to her with that same smile on his face from the night they met . 

   “ welcome home ,  love . “

He slips his index finger between his teeth, nibbling on the nail almost unconsciously.