#existentialbummer

Had the pleasure to meet one of my favorite modern age philosopher's @jasonlsilva and see him speak live last night in LA. If you don't know who he is google his youtube or facebook videos! They are not only pieces of art, but they also take you on an insightful journey into life's biggest questions. 🤓🙌 #jasonsilva #shotsofawe #existentialbummer #flowstate #neurohacking #braingames #technology #losangeles (at Santa Monica, California)

Growing up I recall wanting to be a marine biologist, a fireman, and a runner. At one point I even remember wanting to be a doctor. I would go to school, which was in a more affluent neighboring town/city/community, and I would gaze up at the ceiling and just dream. I've always been that way. I just dream and dream and believe in something more for myself. I may not always be the most concise, the most sure, and I sure as hell don't have any direction in my life even if I fake it. But I continue to dream. Life is scary as shit (which is fucking scary). One moment you can be happy and content and the next you can be anxious and emotional about the worries that come with growing up. I hate and love where I am currently. I feel immobile yet I'm experiencing change. How do I explain that feeling? I can't. Instead I just dream about what it is I wish I could have or what it is I hope to do in the future. I read a post about that beautiful existential bummer: feeling "lost." Many people feel lost in their 20s and eventually they find themselves. But do they really? I chose Boston for grad school for no real reason other than I'm young and wanted to feel truly independent. I'm fucking scared, and fucking excited. I'm lost. I'm stuck between so many emotions that sometimes it feels hard to think, to breathe. But every know and then I relax, breathe evenly and remind myself that this is all temporary. Change is just temporary and these feelings are temporary. I catch myself dreaming about my future. I catch myself thinking of worst case scenarios, and whether I'll find my niche. I may be lost, but I definitely have a job. I'm a fucking dreamer and even though I am completely overwhelmed, I catch myself staring at the sky and just reflecting on my life. I'm in a dream sometimes and reality is but a theory for a dreamer.