#existentialache

There comes a moment when you realize the transitory nature of your life, see the moments gone and reflect on their passing and meaning.

We are stardust and earth imbued with spirit and light.  Who am I now that my movements slow and I groan at rising?

Who am I now with pudge and wrinkles? The shine of youth gone leaving a patina of worn leather…

I am the mother of sons who have entered the world, no longer yearning for my arms or attention.

I am the mother of one daughter who loves to dance and twirl.  I am blessed again with getting to hold a young one and fearful of the passing of time taking away my ability to run with her.

I want to show her the sky, the stars, and teach her to listen to birds.  It is in this quiet that I find myself and lose myself to memories and the expansion again of my spirit and heart.  

I am bigger than this body. I am bigger that my shell.  I am bigger than my fears.

On some days.

On others, I am an aging woman who used to be beautiful with a glowing smile and ready laugh, now with wrinkles and pleasant nods of understanding.  I wish I could travel back in time to that young woman and tell her what I know now.  To linger in the arms of her lovers, to travel often and speak her truth without fear. To risk.  To embrace life while she can because one day the chance will be transformed.

And this transformation is born of wonder, appreciation for moments that are cherished because the brevity of life is felt deeply, daily.

I love you, my children. May you have all that your hearts yearn for.  Laughter, health, love, magic, peace, joy, comfort, and adventure.  I wish I could be a part of every discovery you make.  

Your beauty astounds me.