#executive dysfunktion

Yes.

Does it work?

Yes.

Do I have fun rolling the dice and am therefore more inclined to do tasks?

Mir hilft es wenn ich Freunden sage, dass es etwas machen werde. Das erhöht den Druck. Wenn ich sie mir nur selbst stelle, fühl ich den Druck nicht wirklich, weil es keine wirkliche Kontrolle gibt. Aber wenn ich Freunden sage, dass ich etwas machen werde, dann will ich sie nicht enttäuschen oder angelogen haben. Und wenn ich sie darum bitte, können Sie mich auch dran erinnern.

Sonst schreib ich mir öfters Listen, was ich noch erledigen muss und brech sie dann auf ihre einzelnen Schritte runter, so dass ich jeden einzelnen abhaken kann. So hab ich auch wenn ich nur ein kleinen Schritt geschafft habe, trotzdem ein Erfolgsgefühl. Und ich hab einen besseren Überblick, wie viel noch erledigt werden muss.

Was sind eure Tipps und Tricks?

I rolled a nat 1

I thought meh need to roll it later again and closed the drawer with the D20 inside

Half an hour later I wanted to roll the dice again and went to open the drawer.

It was stuck.

The nat 1 prevented me from rolling again.

And before I was diagnosed with Executive Dysfunction I believed them.

I thought I was lazy.

I thought that I had to try harder.

I thought that I was stupid.

But now I finally know that I am not lazy or stupid. It's a disability that I have to live with and like any other disability it's not an excuse to not do stuff.

You have bad eyes? You get glasses so you can read.

You can't hear well? You get hearing aids so you can understand other people talking.

You can't walk? You get a wheelchair so you can move around.

But those are all physical disabilities and other people can see that you have this disability. Nobody would call a person in a wheelchair lazy because they don't walk. Nobody would call someone who wears glasses stupid because they can't read without them.

The problem with psychological disabilities and illnesses is that other people can't see that you have this disability or illness. And they don't know how they affect your life.

Not only do they not know, they also do not understand.

You could let a walking person sit down in a wheelchair and tell them to try to get up the stairs. You could give a hearing person noise cancelling headphones and tell them to walk down a sidewalk, interact with strangers and to cross the street.

But you can't give someone the ability to experience how it is to live with depression, ADHD or executive dysfunktion.

So they don't understand how it is to live with psychological illnesses or disabilities.

I've tried to explain how it is to live with executive dysfunktion. I've told people that I've made myself sick because I was not able to drink for three days. And the typical response was: "you just should have drunk something. It's not hard!"

"You've eaten, you could have drunk something too."

But here's the thing: I WASN'T ABLE TO DRINK!!

I knew that I had to drink!

I wanted to drink!

But I couldn't!!!

Yes, I was physically able to drink.

Yes, I had water and other beverages available.

By all means logically I could have drunk.

But I couldn't.

I've tried to come up with a metaphorical comparison.

Everyone lives in a room. This room has a door. Outside of this room are tasks that need to be done. Everyone has to open that door to walk outside and do the task.

The door has no lock. It's just a divider between inside and outside.

People can see that other people are opening their doors and go outside to do stuff.

And they can see my door. They can see me going out and do stuff. But sometimes my door stays closed and I'm not doing the task outside.

People know, that the doors do not have locks. And because of that they think that I am lazy, that I don't want to do the task.

But the rooms do not have windows and the people can't see inside my room.

They can't see me trying to open that door from the inside.

Because the door is jammed.

Sometimes I am able to get out of my room and do the task because I tried really really hard to open it. Sometimes the door opens easily and I have no struggle to go outside.

Sometimes the door won't open at all.

I've experimented with different methods and tricks to help me open that door. But they don't work all the time.

I've learned that it is easier for me to drink warm beverages like tea or coffee. I've noticed that I have less struggle to drink when I use a straw.

I've learned that it is easier for me to do tasks that help someone else.

Now I'm in the kitchen and start following my brains instructions and notice the full coffee pot that I made four hours ago and forgot about and I tell myself that it is a good thing that I learned to enjoy cold coffee.

After washing the rice my brain says oh shit that's water you have to go to the bathroom right now in this instant! so I abandon my rice to use the bathroom.

Coming back into the kitchen I pour myself a cup of cold coffee because that's why I was in the kitchen in the first place right? So I go back into the bedroom and put the cup on my side table, see the full hamper, grab it and go back into the bathroom to start a load of laundry.

On my way back to the bedroom I grab a snack out of the kitchen to reward myself for doing laundry without having to roll a dice. I sit down on my bed, eat the snack and try to read again.

I manage to concentrate for about half an hour but then I get new footage from my brain:

Here are all the possible ways you could enjoy the rice. With a side of Salat, a bowl, that one sauce that tastes best if you had made it a day earlier, rice balls, baked in an oven with cheese and egg and sour cream, that other sauce that you don't have the ingredients for, etc.

I suddenly remember that coffee hadn't been the reason why I went into the kitchen. I couldn't remember if I finished washing the rice so I washed it again and finally set it to cook.

I finally got up almost an hour later to do the thing but now I forgot what that thing was!!!

What was the thing?

Do I need water?

Do I need food?

Do I need to go to the bathroom?

I hate that my brain goes: