#exchronicles

“Ikaw lang ang tini-text ko....bukod sa girlfriend ko”

“Ah.”

“Hi kumusta?”

“Ok lang po. Sino po ito?”

The first time we met I was infatuated. I don't even know if I was attracted....Just infatuated. You gave me my first brass monkey in the park that night. I knew we would stay in touch somehow. As the years came and went we grew into different people, different but the same in so many respects. You see dear readers our hearts are still good but we are poison when we come together. At first it was just holidays, the 4th of July I brought you into my bed, I said do you mind if I take off my pants? New years it happened again....We kept saying "2014 The year of no regrets!". We are silly kids. New years day when you held my hand in the street I felt the happiest I had felt in a long time....too long. We continued to drink and fuck and soon something felt wrong. There was something off balance in my body, something GROWING. You offered to pay half, you offered to be there. You were.

Before I knew about the baby I told you I loved you, you said you did too. I always said it first.

I thought for sure this would drive you away. I was so scared to lose you, I didn't...yet. We carried on and then came the drugs, one night white powder poured into our noses and we had long talks and you said you loved me...unprompted. That was the only time, I counted.

I drew you a picture for your birthday, you said you would frame it but I know its just in your room collecting dust with the beer cans. So many beer cans...I worried. Every beer can seemed to be just another empty promise to someone or other......collecting dust. You are broken. When we sat on the hill on LSD and watched the clouds I told you that you get away with everything. You said thats not how it works, I didn't believe you but now I know. The only reason you get away with everything is because you keep people at arms length. You always have a beer between you and them, you always have a way out. You don't have to feel.