Oftentimes I find myself looking up at the sky.
A sky full of smog yet I know what’s beyond.
I squint and I try with all my eyes might, but the sky doesn’t bend.
The marks we’ve made stand firm and unmoving.
I cannot see the stars I know
I cannot see the goal I was taught to shoot for.
But I know they are there
I trust they exist
Just out of my reach
The stars, I’ve seen once, so dazzling, dancing at the edge of our mess.
At again tonight I find myself searching
Aching for a glimpse
I look up at the sky, a dark black abyss,
And I feel a sudden kinship
With these unseen delights
I too feel myself floating, just here unwitnessed
I feel myself dazzling but the smog always creeps in
It covers and tells me I’m better left dim.
I’m tired of smog
The stars told me tonight, they now call me friend
They’ve told me their secret
My light comes from within
And i'm writing this out and i'm telling myself this is it
Im changing my ways
Tomorrow I'll wake up a whole new me. but I know who I am. I know I'm afraid. I know I'll always be the one in my way, how do I do it?
Is this just who I am? I want to be better
I don’t know if I can
I wish someone would tell me what cheat code they used. I look in the mirror, I study myself. I don’t understand any of this. i'm a person? A human. My life creates a ripple? I'm just a character. I'm not real. None of this is real. Because we die. We die and then what? Eventually we are all dead. So I truly just do not see a point to any of this. and that’s my problem. I cannot be bothered to think of this life in the short term. I'm fully on auto pilot. Well 90% autopilot. I do want to have a roof and food, and fun. Life is literally nothing without fun. And yeah, the stars shine if I see them or not but also, they are stars. We can get metaphorical all we want but they are just stars. Balls of gas. Why do I have to experience life? I don’t want to be a person. This shit awful, are you kidding me? and like what's up with people being too scared to take drastic measures. Like oh my god we’re so worried about if someone likes us back, am I doing a good job, can I pay my bills?
Why the fuck do we have bills? Okay we need to charge for the services because these necessities require human labor, so we pay taxes so that they use the money we all donate to better society to make these services available, but they don’t use the money to do what we want? Only they do use it to do “what we want” but those things don’t better society, they fatten their pockets? Because so many people think that more black and brown people in a variety of fields is more of a detriment to humanity, more than I don’t know, not educating our children? Is it not within our constitutional rights to BURN the bitch down if it no longer serves us? I thought we were American. True American culture and belief is standing up for what is wrong. It's fighting back. yes, that can be done with activism but god at a certain point someone’s got to shoot the damn gun. This is a rant that will likely never see the light of day because who wants to listen to the ramblings of some random dude on the internet, but I feel like it's time the guillotine makes its comeback. The one percent has been too comfy for too long. This country is so young, we were bound to have a dictator some time, and with that comes the need for violence. There is no world in which we eradicate violence, it is a fact of nature. The difference is we tune into the discovery channel and watch as a lion is born, the runt of the pride, and we cheer for him as he overtakes the old bully of a leader. But we jail and condemn humans, born into unfortunate circumstance, when they strike back or try to make the system work for them. We scream “treason” when someone says those who represent us no longer represent Us. We love to look back on the American revolution and claim it as an act of pride. But here you are at our turning point. And you don a red hat and lick the cyber boots of those who would trade your entire family for a few bucks. Those who may not be coming for you now but will be one day. You are so blinded by your hatred and fear of what you don’t understand that you celebrate trans people being treated like animals, unaware that you are the next to be placed in the pin. And again, none of these matters. We’re all dust in the end. We’ll all one day become stars, never to be seen by man.
