@evocat1o said : “I notice the way you soften around me. Even when you try not to.”

                  SHE  ISN'T  SUPPOSED  TO  BE  ENJOYING  her  time  at  the  abbey .  even  less  is  she  supposed  to  be  enjoying  spending  time  with  the  ghouls .  and  even  less  than  that  is  she  supposed  to  be  finding  herself  drawn  to  aether  in  a  way  that  confuses  her ,  makes  very  little  sense  to  her .  she  had  been  told  to  expect  cruelty .  told  that  everyone  in  the  church  of  satan  would  be  just  as  evil  as  the  descriptions  in  the  bible  of  demons  and  those  possessed .  but  she'd  experienced  more  kindness  here  than  she  ever  had  in  the  CATHOLIC  CHURCH .  it  didn't  help  that  there  was  aether .  that  his  smile  alone  was  the  kindest  gesture  she  had  ever  beheld  on  someone's  features .

he  had  been  the  first  ghoul  she  trusted ,  the  only  she  had  trusted  from  day  one .  there  was  something  about  him  that  settled  her  anxieties ,  flooded  her  soul  with  calm ,  and  made  her  feel  like  she  was  somewhere  safe .  it's  a  welcome  surprise  compared  to  everything  she  had  expected .  she  finds  herself  drawn  to  him ,  seeking  him  out  when she  FELT  LONELY .  she  knows  it's  blasphemous ,  that  she's  walking  on  the  border  of  falling  into  becoming  a  heretic .  but  the  kindness  he's  shown …  the  kindness  they've  all  shown …  has  her  wondering  if  she's  been  living  in  blasphemy  all  along .  she'd  never  felt  safety  or  happiness  in  the  church.  not  since  she  was  a  little  girl .  and  now  all  this  ghoul  has  to  do  IS  SMILE  AND  SHE  FEELS  AT  PEACE .

maybe  she's  let  her  guard  down  too  much  too  quickly .  but  she  can't  help  it  around  him .  she  tries  her  best  to  keep  him  at  arm's  length ,  but  she  fails  every  time .  she'll  spend  her  evening  alone  kicking  herself  about  falling  further ,  craving  more .  but  she  doesn't  expect  him  to  call  her  on  it  while  she  tucks  in  a  garden  with  a  sketch  book ,  eyes  lighting  up  WHEN  AETHER  STEPS  INTO  VIEW .  but  then  he  speaks  and  her  stomach  churns .  she  had  thought  she  was  hiding  it  better  than  that .  a  nervous  swallow  and  she  chews  on  her  bottom  lip .  " i'm  not  sure  i  know  what  you're  talking  about .  you  just  happen  to  catch  me  on  my  good  days . "

@evocat1o said : “ I’d kneel , if you asked me softly enough . ”

 ⋆｡𖤐°⭒˚｡⋆ ♪  —  terzo has never thought himself above the ghouls . they are infernal creatures created directly from the flames of hell , molded by the hands of the dark one . they are chosen . no matter their status , their element , their strengths , their weaknesses , they are crafted in his image . and who is he to put himself above anyone sculpted by hell itself ? he knows so many of the clergy and siblings of sin think themselves better than the ghouls . that they treat them as if they were made to serve however the humans desired .

but he was determined to change that .

so when aether lets those words slip , it nearly breaks terzo's heart . has he done something to think that the ghouls should ever kneel for him ? he's sure that he's treated each of them with respect , care . he considers them friends beyond bandmates and the idea that one of them feels that being friendly is a requirement ? he needs to fix that .

@evocat1o wrote: " don't be so hard on yourself . " (for copia)

He banged his head softly against the papers on his desk a few more times. "Thank you for your input," he groaned. He wasn't angry with Aether, he never could be, but he was frustrated with himself and just about everything else. With a deep sigh, he leaned back in his chair and tipped his head back and up to the ceiling. "How am I supposed to keep up with all this.. this work and write music at the same time?" He hadn't been prepared, but it's what he's worked so hard to achieve. Now he was here, and it all suddenly seemed so overwhelming. He'd handled most of it before anyway, being Nihil's right-hand man, but now he had other responsibilities on top of that. Different ones from before.

@evocat1o said : ❝  i’ll take you anywhere you want.  just tell me where.  ❞

⋆⭒˚.⋆   she remembers those words . anywhere , any time . they're accompanied by the bluest eyes she'd ever seen , and a crooked grin that explained that even aliens had a north . and she's taken back to a time that , somehow , was more simple . amazing how spiraling through time and space had been more simple than anything else . but , those had been days she hadn't needed to think , hadn't had to wonder what anyone thought of her or how to make anyone proud . she had the doctor and the tardis and that had been everything she needed .

things are different now .

now she can close her eyes and imagine herself anywhere she wants . she can feel the breeze of the ocean , the way the starlight dances on skin if only she dreams hard enough . it may not be quite the same as traveling ... but it can suffice while she does her work , while she stays at the abbey . she tries not to miss it , tries to remember that her purpose is larger than anything she's had before . but that doesn't heal the wanderlust .

@evocat1o said : if i die tonight, delete my texts.

THERE'S A BRIGHT LAUGHTER THAT BUBBLES from her chest at the ghoul's words . she hadn't realized that it was possible to get a ghoul even a tiny bit tipsy , but now that she had ? she's considering it a particularly special win . not that she could say much . she'd had more wine than he and was definitely further gone than aether . but that didn't stop her from giggling at the sight or feeling absolutely triumphant about this new discovery .

she's finished her MOST RECENT GLASS of wine , deciding to take a break before the world starts doing that thing where it moves slower than her body . she's only gotten to that point once or twice and it was enough to convince her that she never wanted to get there again . instead , she's stretched on the couch with her head in aether's lap , hair wild and free as she looks up at him , eyes rolling playfully . moments like this she still can't wrap her head around how comfortable she's gotten with him , HOW HAPPY SHE'S BECOME because of someone she was supposed to fear .

there's no doubt that she made the right decision when she chose to stay .

" do you really have something THAT EMBARRASSING ? " brows raise as she shifts slightly . " i thought you were one to stand by anything you've said . or have you been harassing dew again ? or maybe you accidentally used your text to google something ? " another giggle. " besides ... you're not allowed to die . the universe says so . "

@evocat1o said : ❝ you don't have to hurt anymore. you can let go of those burdens. ❞

THE HALLS OF THE ABBEY HAVE NEVER felt more dangerous than they had since he'd come back from the dead . it didn't matter that he was sure he would never stay dead again , that even the pit would want nothing to do with him despite the charred underside of his soul and skin . he belonged to hell , now . and he knew it . knew that lucifer would make sure he remained just where he was wanted . but that didn't stop death . it didn't mean that he couldn't feel himself die , that he COULD CEASE TO EXIST for even just a moment and every cell in his being would burn white hot and make him wish he would never wake up .

he's lost count of how many times he's tried to keep himself from waking .

but today feels different . it had been a shock that sister had decided to join the last few shows of copia's tour . sure , they were going to be filming , so maybe she had decided THEY COULDN'T GET IT RIGHT without her . it had felt a little better ... the heaviness of the abbey had lifted ever so slightly with her absence . but as the evening went on , something in the air began to feel ... odd . whispers from siblings of sin spread a rumor that he dare not believe .

it isn't until aether steps into the suite , a smile bigger than any he had ever seen the ghoul wear , tail whipping behind him in what he HAS TO ASSUME is excitement . confusion paints terzo's features even as the other crosses the room and pulls him into his arms . in that moment , everything falls into place , everything makes sense as aether whispers the words he's been do desperate to believe . " it's true ? SHE'S GONE ? "

he shouldn't be celebrating , he knows it . he knows that cardi will be beside himself with grief , that nihil's ghost would be even more unbearable than normal , and that there are ghouls who don't know where they belong without sister imperator in the abbey . but he's selfish . he's allowed to be selfish . he's allowed to think about himself when she had tried , not so long ago it seemed , to use him AS A PROP , to force him to obedience after death .

@evocat1o said : “You look at me like prayer, but you touch me like confession.”

                  THERE'S  NOTHING  MORE  DANGEROUS  THAN  FALLING  for  one  of  your  ghouls ,  summoned  or  not .  that  danger  didn't  come  from  the  ghouls  themselves ,  though .  the  ghouls  were  some  of  the  most  gentle  beings  that  had  come  through  the  abbey ,  more  kind  than  most  who  existed  within  the  ministry .  the  danger  fully  existed  within  sister  imperator .  few  know  this  better  than  terzo .  at  even  the  hint  of  something  growing  between  he  and  his  first  rhythm  guitarist ,  he  had  been  reassigned  to  another  abbey ,  banished  without  the  ability  to  say  goodbye .  and  now …  he'd  told  himself  he  would  never  put  himself  in  that  position  again ,  would  never  PUT  ANOTHER  GHOUL  in  that  position .

but  then  he'd  summoned  aether .

he  was  well  aware  that  there  would  always  be  a  connection  between  a  ghoul  and  their  summoner ,  that  there  would  be  a  bond  he  couldn't  imitate  with  anyone .  but  he  hadn't  expected  for  that  bond  to  be  something  so  much  more  than  that .  he  isn't  even  sure  when  it  started  to  be  more  than  just  a  summoner  and  his  summoned .  but  he  can  remember  the  first  time  aether's  fingers  HAD  BRUSHED  THE  BACK  OF  HIS  HAND  and  it  had  sent  a  shock  from  tip  of  his  fingers  and  down  his  spine .  he  had  known  then  that  this  would  be  more .  and  yet  he  was  desperate  to  keep  it  secret ,  desperate  to  keep  his  own  feelings  out  of  the  mix  because  he  couldn't  be  the reason  another  ghoul  was  lost .

stolen  glances  and  eyes  cast  downwards  when  crossing  paths  everywhere  but  the  stage .  but  at  least  in  the  glow  of  the  lights ,  he  could  pretend  any  weakness ,  any  moment  of  giving  in ,  was  JUST  A  PART  OF  THE  SHOW .  no  one  would  question  it .  how  many  times  had  he  playfully  flirted  with  every  ghoul  in  his  lineup ?  and  how  many  times  did  the  congregation  eat  it  up  and  come  back  for  more ?  so  if  that  was  the  closest  he  would  ever  get ,  he  could  be  content  and  could  protect  the  other  from  sister's  wrath .  it's  easy  enough  to  explain  away  anything  done  onstage .  it's  when  sneaking  around  that  you  have  to  worry  because  there's  no  way  of  knowing  who  is  one  of  the  bitch's  spies  and  who  IS  ACTUALLY  TO  BE  TRUSTED .