#evilanonbtch

Most times when you could get each other off over the phone, both of you were secluded away from the world. But there were times when he’d call and you were unable to answer him. And so you’d send the text ‘use the photo handsome and i’ll make it up to you later’ and he would. his brain would bring up the noises you made, moaning his name as he jerked himself off, a whimper escaping his lips as he threw his head back in frustration, chasing his orgasm before he came over his stomach. and maybe it’s three am and you’re finally away and you text him to see if he’s still awake and he immediately facetime’s you. “a bit eager” you’d giggle but he’d shake his head “don’t tease doll, please baby, you don’t know how i wish i was home right now so i can go that little bit deeper, hand around your throat to make you whimper my name and beg for me.” and you’re immediately moaning, fingers finding your clit as he’s spurring you on and you can hear his own moans and so you’re telling him what you’d do in return, and it gets to the point that you’re so close and he knows it but he waits until he’s close before he says “cum for me sweetheart, I wanna hear you cry out my name.” and you do, hearing his own voice echo back with yours as you both catch your breaths before you sigh, turning onto your side, phone gripped in your free hand. “how much longer have we gotta wait? I miss you Cal.” “soon princess, I promise.” 

oh it absoLUTELY is he’d grab your waist and yank you in hard enough that you have to grab the sides of his jacket to stay upright and he’d kiss with tongue and teeth until your knees have given out and then he’d lift you up on to the counter and you’d use your grip on his jacket to pull him in until he was grinding up against you while he grabbed your jaw to keep your head still while he sucks on your neck until you’re panting with need and basically squirming in a puddle. And he’d pull you in until you were chest-to-chest so you’d be scrabbling at the leather jacket for anything to hold on to as he pushes your panties aside and pushes into you, gasping at the feeling and holding your hips so tight he has to kiss the bruises better in the morning 

well happy birthday to me oh damn. oh man. now that is a birthday treat i wouldn’t at all mind receiving. allieviating his pain and getting my own treat through a slow morning ride?? sign me tf up

maybe it’s a day off for ash from the studio and he declares it baby and daddy day, all but shoving you from the house to goo and pamper yourself, amidst your child and husbands giggles and how can you say no when they’re both convincing you to go with those big pleading eyes? and when you get home, you can hear them giggling together and of course they’d be in their underwear and diapers respectively, making you purse your lips, desperately trying not to smile as you ask why neither of them are wearing any clothes. “because our little monster wanted to paint.” would be ashton’s response, hoisting baby irwin into the air and making them squeal and you’d only sigh in response before grinning as you reach over to pluck your child from ashton’s arms, earning excited kisses and laughter as they’re shouting “paint daddy!”and that’s when you notice that ash has a huge purple line on his arms making you laugh. “bathtime for my two monsters then!” 

Ashton would only hear baby irwin’s giggles before he’s soaked with the water gun and he’d of course whine especially when he peels off his shirt and you’re grinning before running from him, baby irwin shrieking in delight whilst yelling “daddy’s all wet, daddy can’t catch us!” and of course he’d catch you easily, picking you up bridal style before chucking you into the pool, making baby irwin laugh before he catches them and he “throws” your baby to you, making them shriek in delight when they’re in the water, especially when ashton jumps in and splashes you both and then all of a sudden it’s a water war and baby irwin is sat on your shoulders first as you two try to splash daddy but then he manages to pluck baby irwin off your shoulders and onto his and suddenly you’re having to really splash them because ashton isn’t holding back, especially with both of them laughing as he finally pulls you closer and plants a kiss to your lips, only to hear “mama kiss!” and baby irwin plants a big kiss on your cheek making you giggle as you help each other out of the pool and you end up having a family shower because baby irwin isn’t ready to let go of daddy just yet.

I’m still dying over these two

he’d come back from tour and of course you’re helping him get his stuff in the wash and once all of his washing is done and you’ve both got his stuff upstairs, he murmurs about taking a shower and asking if you want to join, so with a smug grin, you pull off your top and he’d laugh before making his way to the attached bathroom and when you entered, sans the rest of your clothes, his attention would be on your lips before he finally registered the new ink and he could only groan as his lips met yours once more before he’s on his knees. first his lips start on the tattoo which has long since healed before his lips find your clit, his fingers gripping the tattoo carefully as your fingers are in his hair, gasping out his name as he makes you cum before he’s on his feet, his hand sliding under the thigh with the tattoo on and hooking it around his hips as he’s slowly pushing into you and his lips are all over your neck and chest and you’re own lips return the favour as he keeps it slow till you’re falling over the edge again and he’s following, his lips on yours, both of your moans muffled as he finally pulls out. his lips would be soft on your face before the two of you help each other get clean and afterwards, you’re wearing one of his hoodies and underwear, part of the tattoo peeking from under the fabric. The two of you would be on the bed, his hand resting on you tattooed thigh, tracing the skin gently as he’s asking when you had it done and why that design before declaring “i love it, not to mention there’s something about you wearing just my hoodie, with it peeking out that makes you look fucking delicious.” and look at that, round two in the bed and once more his lips would practically worship the tattoo before worshipping you.