CHAPTER ONE: THE EIGHT OF US
Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS SERIES. Angsty but other than that nothing (if you think I should mention something else let me know).
â Word Count: 4.5k+
Authorâs Note: ITâS HEEERRRREEE! I hope you all enjoy the first part of my pride and joy. I got really excited so I decided to post the first chapter a little earlier than I had originally planned. There will not be an official update schedule for this. I don't want to stress myself out too much. And I have other work that I have to finish that I've been slacking so bad on. No beta reader we die like Neji in Narutoâs armsđ«Ą.
If you would like to be added to the Taglist, please let me know. I have over fifty tags already (which is amazing thank you for all the love đ) but, I don't mind making a second post for other people so everyone can stay updated.
This (and any other written work) will be crossposted on my AO3.
Lee Felix was pretty sure he was going through the worst existential crisis to ever happen in his twenty-five years of life.Â
Okay so, maybe âexistential crisisâ was a bit of an exaggeration. He wasnât exactly questioning the meaning of life. He wasnât there just yet.
But donât get it wrong. He was going through it. Bad.
Like bad, bad.Â
And the reason for the mental spiral the poor man was suffering through at the moment?
You.
You were the reason.
You, L/N Y/N, the adorable fourth year undergrad that started volunteering at the same childrenâs hospital as him a few months ago.Â
You with the sweetest deposition and most devastatingly beautiful smile he had ever seen.Â
You who had him wrapped around you finger within minute of your very first conversation with one another.Â
You who had come into his life only six months ago and completely flipped it around.Â
Because now, Lee Felix had the worst crush imaginable on you.Â
And it wasnât one of those cute workplace crushes you hear about. It wasnât one of those âoh, sheâs cuteâ crushes either.
No.Â
It was one of those âholy shit, Iâm fuckedâ type of way crushes.
And he was fucked. Completely and utterly fucked.Â
The first thing he thinks of when he wakes up in the morning nowadays? You. What perfume would you be wearing that day if he saw you? What kind of outfit would you have on? How would your hair be styled? What would you order for lunch? What anime or obscure topic would you rant about?
His mind has been so full of everything possible about you that those questions didnât even begin to breech the surface of his thoughts. Thoughts that he had all before he even took a step out his front door in the morning.Â
Thoughts that he should not be having about another person in any way, shape, or form.Â
Because he was already in a relationship.Â
A long term, healthy, happy relationship. Granted, he did have seven boyfriendsâ yes sevenâ but their relationship was everything the man could have asked for. He got to spend everyday with the people he loved most in the world. He received so much love back from seven other people that just thinking about another person made Felix feel like he was greedy.Â
And he was. He was greedy.Â
But he was also guilty. Guilty of not telling his boyfriends anything about you.
He knew he was in the wrong. He knew that he could talk to his boyfriends about you. He knew that they were always expected to be open about anything and everything. And he wasnât. They didnât even know you existed. They didnât know that you were the reason why he tended to come back from his volunteer shift later than he ever had before. They didnât know that you were the reason why he was going out more on the weekends without them. They didnât know you were the reason why he suddenly got interested in certain TV shows and singers. Or that you were the reason he had actually began reading a lot more manga than he ever had before.
They knew nothing and it was all his fault.Â
Now all of that guilt was eating him alive.Â
Felix loved his boyfriends more than words could ever describe. But now he was also falling for you.Â
He was falling fast. Fast to the point he felt like his heart was plunging down from a thirty story building with no parachute.Â
He had spent this whole week trying to figure out what to do. He knew that he needed to tell them. He knew that he needed to tell you too. But how? How would he go about that? How would you all react to it? Would he lose you? Would he lose them?Â
God, he really could not lose them.Â
They were the real reason he woke up every morning. The reason he tried so hard to do his best every day. They were his reason for living.Â
He didnât want to live without you either. But, if any of his boyfriends told him no then he knew he would have to. It was something that he had to come to terms with.Â
And now? Now it was the time for Yongbok to face his fears and do it. Because it was obvious that everyone was noticing how off he had been the last few weeks. And him, himself was tired. He was tired of hiding. Tired of pretending. Tired of second guessing what he should do.Â
So, he stood in front of the door to the house he shared with his boyfriends, trying his hardest to cement his resolve. He would do this today. He had to do this today. He reached out for the doorknob with shallow breath and immediately his hand hovered, hesitant.Â
Just rip the bandaid off, Felix.Â
Just do it.Â
With a nod to no one but himself, he grabbed the door handle and turned. He pushed open the door and stepped into the foyer. Immediately he was greeted by the sound of laughter coming from the living room and the intoxicating smell of food.Â
Minho must be making dinner.Â
âIâm home!â Felix called, shutting the door behind him and kicking off his shoes.Â
There was the sound of shuffling feet before both Minho and Jeongin appeared. Jeongin was still dressed in his teaching attireâ a pair of black slacks and a gray V-neck sweater vest over a white button downâ while Minho looked comfy in sweatpants and his cat printed apron over a plain white T-shirt. Minho pointed the wooden spoon he was holding at Felix, eyes narrowed and lips pouty.
âYouâre late,â he said.Â
Felix let out a soft chuckle. For being the second oldest out of the eight of them, Minho could be adorable sometimes. âSorry,â he said. âMissed my usual bus.âÂ
âYou could have called me for a ride, Hyung,â Jeongin said. âI would have swung by to pick you up.âÂ
âItâs all good,â Felix said. He walked over, slipping his arms around the youngerâs waist. âBut, I do kind of have to talk to you all about something.âÂ
Minho arched an eyebrow at him. âOh?â He asked. âShould we be worried?âÂ
Felix nibbled on the inside of his cheek nervously. Should they be worried? No. Felix thinks heâs the one that should be worried. Heâs the one that fucked up.Â
âYongbok-ah,â Minho said, voice softer now. âWhatâs wrong?âÂ
Felix shook his head before nuzzling his face into Jeonginâs neck. The younger took that as a cue to run his hand over the blondâs hair.Â
âI fucked up,â Felix said voice muffled.Â
There were a few beats of silence before Minho spoke up again to ask questions.Â
âDo we have a body to hide?â he asked.Â
Felix huffed. âNo.âÂ
âDo you owe someone money?âÂ
A shake of the head.Â
âDid you cheat?âÂ
Felix tensed slightly at that. Did he cheat? No. No he didnât. But that doesnât mean he doesnât feel any less awful right now.
âYongbok,â Minho said voice firmer now. âDid you sleep with someone?âÂ
Felix immediately pulled away from Jeongin and stared at Minho with wide eyes. âNo,â he rasped, throat feeling dry now. âFuck no. I would never, Hyung. You know that.âÂ
Minho and Jeongin both seemed to visibly relax at that.Â
âThen your fuck up is fixable,â Minho said. âSo, why donât you and Innie go get washed up and changed into something comfy? I think Iâll make another side or two for dinner while youâre doing that. Then all of us can talk while we eat, hmmm?â
Felix hesitated for a moment. âIââÂ
âGo get your thoughts together,â Minho said cutting him off with finality. âEveryone can wait an extra half hour.âÂ
âCome on, Hyung,â Jeongin said, grabbing Felixâs hand. He begun tugging him towards the stairs.Â
Jeongin didnât say much of anything else, obviously leaving Felix to collect his thoughts like Minho suggested. But he did stay the whole time. He was gentle as he helped Felix wash up and it had the older man nearly in tears.Â
Jeongin had always had a soft spot for Felix. Everyone knew it. Even Felix himself.Â
âI love you,â Felix whispered softly.Â
Jeonginâs hands that were towel drying the older manâs hair paused. âI love you too,â he said. âEverything will be okay. Weâll figure out whatever is wrong together. The eight of us. Like always.âÂ
The eight of us.Â
Like always.Â
Felix shook his head, swallowing doing his insecurity and fear forcibly. âYeah,â he said. âYeah. Youâre right.âÂ
Jeongin put up the towel before grabbing the hair drier. âLetâs get our hair dried and then go down to eat,â he said. âIâm starving.â
The two of them took turns blow drying each others hair, falling back into that comfortable silence from before. Once they were finished, they headed back downstairs. Apparently it was just in time too.Â
âGood,â Minho said, standing at the bottom of the stairs. âI was about to start screaming. Or worse, send Sung up there to scream at you for me.âÂ
Jeongin let out a drawled out groan but his expression was fond. âPlease no. That would be awful. I can already hear it.âÂ
Minho snickered and grabbed Felixâs hand. âCome on,â he said. âLetâs eat before all my hard work gets cold and soggy.âÂ
The three of them headed into the dining room where the other five already were. They all sat at their normal seats and were filling their plates up.Â
âOi piglets,â Minho chided. âYou better save some for us or youâre all going into the air fryer.âÂ
âWe would need an industrial sized one then,â Jisung said.Â
âChangbin has the money for one,â Jeongin said with a shrug, sliding into his seat.Â
âYAH!â Changbin protested, nearly dropping the tongs back into the japchae. âWhy is it always me? I swear you all are trying to drain my bank account.âÂ
âIâm pretty sure thatâs impossible even with Lixâs affinity for designer clothes,â Seungmin said.Â
âWhat about Hyunjinâs love for ridiculously expensive art supplies?â Minho asked.Â
âLeave my Sennelier paints out of this,â Hyunjin said looking scandalized.Â
âDidnât he just buy you a bunch of Da Vinci brushes last week too?â Seungmin asked.Â
âAnd all three hundred and something Copic markers because apparently he wants to try illustrating with them now,â Changbin grumbled.
âT-three hundred?â Jisung sputtered, a piece of galbi hanging from his chopsticks.Â
Changbin nodded. âYeah,â he said. âInsane right? Who needs three hundred markers?â
Hyunjin pouted. âI do,â he whined. âYou bought Lix that Louis Vuitton Beagle bag and youâre really gonna sit here and complain about my markers?â
âHey that bag is cute!â Felix exclaimed, not being able to control himself.Â
The other seven men laughed. Minho and Felix took their own seats before filling up their plates. The table fell into the normal everyday ruckus but today? Today it didnât give Felix the normal feeling of content and happiness it would have. He stayed quiet and picked at his food while listening to the mix of conversations.
Chan being Chan of course noticed. His eyes zoned in on Felix almost like he was trying to read the youngerâs mind.Â
âFelix has something to talk about with us,â Minho said.Â
Immediately every other conversation came to a halt. All of them were now fully focused on him.Â
Felix shrunk on himself a little, feeling the anxiety begin to bubble back up.
âYou know you can talk to us about anything, Lix,â Chan said tone gentle. Reassuring in that way that the oldest always was.Â
Felix nodded, placing down his chopsticks. âI know,â he said. âItâs justâŠâ He let out a low groan and ran his sweaty palms over his sweatpants.
How do I do this?
âHe thinks he fucked up,â Jeongin said.
âFucked up?â Jisung asked, cheeks still full of food.Â
Changbin shook his head at the younger. âSwallow before you speak.âÂ
âWhy do you think you fucked up?â Jisung asked after swallowing. âDid you kill someone? Do we have to hide a body?âÂ
âThatâs what I asked,â Minho said.Â
âI draw the line at murder,â Seungmin stated.Â
âSome boyfriend you are,â Changbin laughed.
âSorry, I have decent moral compass?âÂ
âIâd help you hide a body,â Jeongin said from his spot across from Felix.Â
âInnie, you almost became a priest after high school,â Jisung said, obviously amused.
âA queer priest would be lynched in the catholic church,â Jeongin deadpanned.Â
Next to him, Hyunjin snorted. âPlus, Felix killing someone is like the wildest idea ever. The man canât even use a fly swatter and gets Chan to take out the spiders even though heâs Australian too.âÂ
âJust because Iâm Australian, does not mean Iâm not afraid of spiders,â Felix defended with a pout. âAnd I didnât kill anyone so thereâs no body to hide.âÂ
But I am hiding somebody from you.Â
âIs whatever you fucked up why youâve been so off the last few weeks?â Changbin asked.Â
So they did notice.
âWe wanted to give you space,â Chan said. âGive you time to get yourself sorted.â
âBut we were really close to calling some type of intervention,â Hyunjin said. âYou were stress baking and cleaning so much that we were getting really concerned.âÂ
An intervention? Was it that bad?
Felix stared down at his hands as they rested on top of his thighs.Â
Just say it, Felix.Â
âIâve met someone,â he blurted, not daring to raise his head just yet.Â
The few moments of silence that passed felt like an eternity.Â
âWhat?â Hyunjin asked finally breaking it.Â
Felix raised his head, eyes immediately going to scan over his boyfriendsâ faces. Every single one of them looked taken back like what he had just told them was the most shocking thing ever.
âAt the childrenâs hospital,â he continued, voice softâ fragile. âI met someone at the childrenâs hospital. Sheâs another volunteer andâŠâ He trailed off not knowing how to continue at the moment.Â
âShe?â Jisung asked.
Felix nodded. âI know we havenât talked about adding someone in such a long time,â he acknowledged. âWe barely talk about other people at all anymore. But itâs been eating me alive not talking to you all about her because I reallyâŠâÂ
âYou like her,â Jeongin said knowing.
âYes,â Felix admitted. âI really, really like her. Iâm sorry.âÂ
âThereâs nothing to be sorry about, Lix,â Chan said.
âDoes she know?â Seungmin asked. âAbout us?â
âNo,â Felix said tensely. âI havenât told her. I wanted to talk to you all first.â
There was another pause of tense silence. The other seven men shared looks.Â
âHow long have you known her?â Hyunjin asked breaking the silence once again.Â
Felix winced at the tone of his voice. Low, cold. Not Hyunjin.Â
âSix months,â Felix muttered.Â
âSix months?â Hyunjin repeated. His eyes narrowed at Felix. âYouâve known her six months and havenât told her anything about us? Does she even know youâre in a relationship at all?â
âHyunjin,â Minho said, a warning tone to his voice. âSix months isnât too long. Especially when we all agreed we would only consider someone if one of us was serious.âÂ
Felixâs head drops in shame. âShe doesnât know,â he muttered. âI never told her I was in a relationship.â
âLix,â Jisung breathed.Â
âAre you fucking serious?â Hyunjin hissed.Â
âHyunjin,â Chan warned.Â
âNo,â Hyunjin shot back. âDonât âHyunjinâ me. Iâll agree six months isnât that long. But he should have at least mention he was in some type of relationship. Especially if he is as serious about her as he seems to be.â
âI know,â Felix said, raising his head. His eyes connected with Hyunjinâs. âI know I should have. I regret it every day. I just⊠I got caught up. And then when I realized, I was terrified. I was terrified how just how much I liked her. I hated the fact that I never mentioned the relationship to her. But then, I didnât know how to bring it up. Ever since she happened no one has talked about another person. And now weâre finally healed. Weâre okay. Weâre happy.â He gripped on his sweatpants for a moment before releasing and blew out a breath. âI think a part of me thought maybe if I didnât bring any of it up that I would eventually get over her. That maybe my feelings were just something that would last a few months and be done. But, the last few weeks I realized that I wonât be able to so easily.â
âYouâre falling for her,â Jisung said.Â
Felix squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. He couldnât cry. Not yet.Â
âIt seems like he already fell,â Changbin said.Â
This is my fault. Iâll have to deal with the consequences.
Felixâs eyes opened again. âI think I have,â he said. âAnd Iâm sorry. I know there was a better way to go about this. I know I should have gotten my shit together and told you sooner. I should have told her sooner.âÂ
âAll those times you said you were hanging out with a friend from the hospital the last few months,â Seungmin said, âThat was her wasnât it?
Felix nodded grimly. âYes,â he said. âThey werenât dates if thatâs what you think. She doesnât knowââÂ
âYou liked her and took her out,â Hyunjin said. âMultiple times. Even if she doesnât know you like her thatâs stillâŠ. Itâs fucked up Lix. Itâs borderline cheating.âÂ
Felixâs heart dropped to his gut.Â
Cheating?Â
âNo,â Jeongin said suddenly. His eyes narrowed on Hyunjin. âYou of all people donât get to do that shit.âÂ
Hyunjinâs eyes widened. âI diââÂ
âYou did the same fucking thing and everyone was okay with it,â Jeongin snapped. âSure, I agree Lix-hyung should have at least mentioned he was in a relationship beforehand. But, didnât we agree on one thing? Only if we were serious about a person would we talk about adding them to the relationship. Six months is not a long time to get to know someone. And him hanging out with her? Thatâs him getting to know her more.âÂ
Hyunjin suddenly looked pale. He slumped back into his seat with a dazed expression on his face.Â
âJeonginââÂ
âIâm not done,â Jeongin said cutting Chan off.Â
Felix couldnât help but grimace at that. Seungmin and Jisung shared the same reaction.
âThis is not how we do things,â Jeongin said. âThis is not how we work. He obviously regrets it. Heâs obviously sorry for it. We never gave you shit for it so we will not be giving him shit for it.â Jeongin looked over at Felix. âYou havenât kissed her, right?âÂ
Felix shook his head.Â
âThere. No cheating.âÂ
The room fell silent after Jeongin finished talking. Everyone seemed lost in thought.Â
âIâm sorry,â Felix said after a few moments. âIâm so sorry.âÂ
âYou donât have to apologize for your feelings, Lix,â Jisung comforted.Â
âJisungâs right,â Chan agreed. âYou donât have to apologize for catching feelings for someone. Jeonginâs also right. You came to us when you knew you were serious about her. Thatâs what we all agreed on. So we should give her a chance.â
âWhat if I donât want to give her a chance?â Hyunjin asked voice shaky. âWhat if Iâm happy with just the eight of us?âÂ
Felixâs shoulders dropped at that. He should have known. Hyunjin has always talked about how happy he was with the eight of them.Â
âGet your head out of your ass,â Minho reprimanded. âOr was Jeonginâs lashing not enough?âÂ
âNo, Minho,â Chan said. âHyunjinâs allowed to express his feelings about this too.âÂ
Hyunjin nibbled on his lip. âI just donât want a repeat of two years ago,â he said. âIt was my fault and IâŠâÂ
âSheâs not her, Hyunjin,â Felix defended. âAt all. And, I understand why you might not want this, Hyune. I do. Itâs why I was so scared to talk to you all. But sheâs⊠sheâs amazing. She really is.âÂ
Hyunjin seemed to consider his words. So did everyone else.
âIâm not saying I necessarily agree with Hyunjin,â Seungmin said, an unsure expression on his face. âBut do you all think right now is the right time to even consider adding someone?â He ran a hand through his freshly cut, reddish brown hair. âA lot of us are at pretty vulnerable times in our lives. Lix and I are in the middle of our clinical rotations. Hyunjin is finishing up his last year of his masters and is looking for a company to intern at. Not to mention he has another exhibition in a few months. And Jeongin is in his first year teaching. Itâs just⊠a lot.âÂ
Chan nodded. âThere is a lot going on,â he agreed. âIt would be something we would have to consider carefully.â His eyes focused on Hyunjin. âAnd we all know how much you regret what happened Hyunjin. But that was not your fault. We all made that decision. Just because you were the one to introduce her to the relationship doesnât mean youâre the only one at blame.âÂ
Hyunjin looked like he wanted to object but ultimately decided against it.Â
âI think we should all take the time to think everything through,â Chan continued once he realized Hyunjin wasnât going to speak. âWe are going to at least meet her. Thatâs nonnegotiable. Sheâs important to Felix. And Felix, that means you have to tell her about us. You donât have to tell her you like her yet or any of that. But you need to let her at least know that youâre in a relationship and what kind of relationship it is.âÂ
âI will,â Felix said. âTomorrow. Iâve been helping her study for her midterms.â
âWhatâs she like?â Jisung asked.Â
Felix smiled at the question softly, turning fond at just the though of you.Â
âY/N is amazing,â he said. âSheâs beautiful and smart. Sheâs loving too. You guys should see her with the kids. And she has all these little quirks that remind me of all of you. Sheâs her own person too obviously. Sheâs independent. Maybe a little too independent. And she works hard. Her grades are amazing. Sheâll definitely be graduating at the top of her year.â
âY/N?â Seungmin asked, eyebrows furrowed. âThatâs her name?âÂ
Felix nodded. Seungmin looked like he wanted to ask more but ended up just leaning back in his chair and nodding.Â
âYouâre down bad,â Changbin said a knowing glint in his eyes. âYou look sappy as hell.âÂ
Felix smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his neck. âI am,â he agreed. âI really am. And I think you all would adore her. I think she would fit easily with us.âÂ
âAnd what if she doesnât want to be in this relationship once you do confess?â Hyunjin asked.Â
Felix smile turned sad. âThen thatâs something Iâll have to deal with,â he said. âI donât even know how sheâll react to me being in a polyamorous relationship yet. I donât think sheâd be weird about it butâŠâ He simply shrugged.Â
âWe donât want you to get hurt Felix,â Chan said. âIf this doesnât work out thenâŠâÂ
âItâs a risk that Iâm willing to take,â Felix said. âAnd again. Iâll have to deal with. Getting your feelings hurt is just a part of being human sadly.â He squared his shoulders, looking more determined. âItâs all of us or none. If you donât want this then fine. Iâd rather lose her than lose any of you. I love you all more than anything. I will not give this up for anything. It will always be you.âÂ
âOkay,â Hyunjin agreed after a minute. He let out a heavy sigh, shoulders relaxing and arms dropping. âOkay, yeah. We should meet her. Iâm sorry for being so⊠defensive.âÂ
Felix shook his head. âYou have every right to be,â he said. âIâm sorry for the way I went about this all.âÂ
Changbin reached over and threaded his fingers through the youngerâs hair. âItâs okay,â he said. âWe know youâre serious about this. We will be too, hmm?âÂ
After a few more agreements from the table, Minho changed subjects. Felix was grateful for that. They all chatted while they finished up eating. Some were more chatty than others.Â
Felix stayed quiet, carefully listening to what everyone said. He could feel Hyunjin eyes on him but when he tried to catch his gaze, he was avoided awkwardly. Felix let out a heavy sigh and once again slumped in his seat.Â
Minho nudged his leg under the table causing Felixâs head to snap over to him. Without a word, Minho just tilted his chin at Hyunjin with a questioning looked.Â
Felix simply shrugged.
Apparently, Hyunjin really didnât want this.Â
Iâll end up having to get over her, wonât I?
By the time Felix finished with helping clean up all the anxiety had been replaced by exhaustion.Â
âIâm going to turn in early,â he said to his boyfriends. âI have an earlier shift than normal tomorrow.âÂ
âOkay,â Changbin said, pressing a soft his to his temple.
âGet some sleep,Lix,â Jisung said, plopping himself onto of Jeongin who had already made himself comfortable on the couch.Â
The youngest groaned under him. âGet off,â he protested.
âNever,â Jisung said in a sing song tone. He snuggled closer to the man earning another groan and a grumbled complaint that Felix didnât catch.
âCan IâŠâ Hyunjin grabbed Felixâs hand and slotted their fingers together. âCan I sleep with you tonight?â
Felix perked up a little at the question. âYeah, of course you can.âÂ
The two of them wished goodnight to all the rest of their boyfriends before heading upstairs. They moved through the steps to get ready for bed in a surprisingly comfortable silence.Â
âI want to apologize,â Hyunjin said once they were snuggled under the covers of Felixâs bed.Â
âThereâs nothing for you to apologize for,â Felix said, wrapping his arms around Hyunjin.Â
âThere is,â Hyunjin said. âI was an asshole. A hypocrite.â He let out a heavy sigh, snuggling into the blond closer. âI just⊠I really am scared that something like before would happen again.âÂ
âI think we all are,â Felix said. His hand slipped under Hyunjinâs tee and rubbed soothing circles at the small of his back. âI know we are. But, Y/N isnât like her, Hyun. And, if this is something you really donât want then I accept that. Really. I just want⊠no. I need you to be truthful.âÂ
âItâs not that I donât want it,â Hyunjin said. âItâs just⊠It caught me off guard. Iâve been stressed out with everything lately that I was irritable and not thinking things through. I want to meet her. I do. And I will.âÂ
Felix pressed a kiss to Hyunjinâs forehead. âI happy youâre willing to,â he said. âJust please be honest with me about how you feel from now on.â
âI will be, Lix,â he said. âI love you.âÂ
âI love you too. So much.âÂ
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