#everythingbutyou

We were home for a few nights, Cillian getting a small break before he went off to London for a further six week worth of shows. The show was such a success more and more shows were being added around the UK.

 Cillian’s dilemma had ended. He knew what he was doing now. The night before the first show, he panicked that he had chosen wrong. He believed he should have pursued his career as a musician. But now, now it is obvious he had made the right choice. He came alive on stage. He was magical to watch; inspirational. 

But now it was my turn to make a decision. 

I was already on break from university, taking a gap year to follow Cillian around for the Disco Pig tour. Our connection was so strong, I felt like I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, not yet at least. 

The phone call I ignored that day I agreed to follow Cillian on tour was from The Riverdance Association. They had called back a few days later offering me a place. I had finally achieved my dream, but it couldn’t have come at a worse time.  

“Tell me why this has to end,” I whispered breaking the silence that had fallen between us.

“Because you will regret not following your dreams Brie,” Cillian sighed, eyes focused on the sea.

Swallowing back a large gulp, I closed my eyes knowing he was right. I had been fighting for a spot in Riverdance for years. I knew in my heart and in my head why it had to end, I just didn’t want it to.

“Is there nothing we can do? Can’t we save us?” I questioned, “I feel like I am losing everything.”

“You're not losing everything. You are gaining it.”

“We built everything up just to pull it all down.” I scoffed feeling angry but not at him, just the situation. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t” I held a hand up knowing this was nothing to do with him. He was the only one thinking logically between us. “Please don’t. I know we have to, I just don’t want to.”

“Me neither.” Cillian sucked in a deep breath, tears filling his waterlines.

“What is it you used to say, we are young. We have our whole life ahead of us. We shouldn’t tie ourselves down with responsibilities.”

“You were one responsibility I’d happily have tie me down.” He forced out a laugh, knowing I was trying to lighten the mood. “And I would do it all over again.”

“So would I,” I whispered turning to face him.

He was standing in front of me now. Sadness took over his beautiful blue eyes, the tears making them appear an even brighter shade of blue. Reaching a hand up, he cupped the side of my face – thumb gently swiping across my cheekbone.

“I love you, Brianna Murray.”

“I love you, Cillian Murphy.”

*****

Panting heavily, I stared into his blue eyes as I came down from the intense pleasure he had given me through his fingers. Reaching up, I brushed the longer strands of his hair from his forehead.

Cillian leaned down placing his soft lips to mine. The kiss was slow and sensual, exactly what was needed at this moment.

Without any words, Cillian slowly slipped inside of me. His cock inching inside of me, painfully slow until he was seated fully inside. A satisfied sigh left both our lips, unmoving as he stared deep into my soul. A gaze I was sure would be an imprint if we were capable of such a thing.

Thrusting up, knocking into his hips, eye contact never breaking as he started to move. Painfully slow. Inhaling softly through my nose, I leaned up pressing a tender kiss to his lips as our hips began to move as one. 

The speed increasing slowly, but still slow enough as to not lose ourselves in the moment.

Feeling a tear prick in the corner of my eye, I quickly reached up to brush it aside, hoping he didn’t notice of course he did. Leaning down, he pressed soft light kisses on either side of my eyes, moving into my nose and down towards my lips, recapturing them in a passionate kiss.

Pulling back, he rolled onto his back, his hands gripping my hips as he fell, pulling me with him. We only lost a moment of contact, lining myself back up with him. I slipped down, eyes rolling towards the back of my head at the stretch.

“Absolutely stunning.” Cillian breathed out, eyes holding mine. His fingers gripped my hips tightly, sure to leave reminders.

Placing my hands on his chest, I used him to keep my balance as my hips lifted up and down, creating my rhythm which Cillian was only too happy to follow. His mouth opened slightly as he watched the sight in front of him.

Feeling I was close, his grip on my hips tightened, hips thrusting up to match my stuttering movements with ease. My eyes began to flutter closed, the feeling of pleasure becoming too much for me.

“Hey, no. Open those eyes. I want to see you come apart for me.” Cillian instructed giving my right side a sharp pinch.

Forcing my eyes open, I stared down at him. The cocky smirk I had spent the last few months falling in love with returning.

“Always a good girl for me eh?” He asked, not expecting an answer.

My mouth hung open as his cock hit that sweet spot over and over again. It was a hard fight to keep my eyes open, the feeling becoming almost too much when I finally exploded.

A white heat exploded behind my eyes, my fingers digging into his pecs, nails raking down his skin as a silent scream fell from my lips. Something about me losing myself, excited Cillian. I could see it in his eyes.

Something animalistic took over him. Allowing me to come down from my high, he flipped me onto my back – pulling my legs over his shoulders, he re-entered me, pumping deeper than he had before chasing after his high.

I was thankful my father was out with his friends this evening as I was unable to keep my screams and moans to myself. Cillian was hitting places I didn’t know existed inside of me, I felt myself losing continue of my inhibitions as he pounded into me.

“Ohhh shit. Cillian stop am gonna, am gonna…” I could finish my sentence when the burning white hot sensation attacked my system.

I couldn’t help but squeeze my eyes shut as his relentless pounding continued, unable to control myself, I felt myself explode all over him. Wetness soaking my legs and down towards my ass.

“Fucking hell,” Cillian grunted, his movements stopping as he thrust one last time, deep inside me. His hips almost stuttered as his cum painted my inner walls, thankfully I was on the pill.

Slowly coming down from his high, he rested his sweaty forehead on mine. His eyes were closed to the pleasure he had just experienced.

Rolling over onto his back, I followed after him nuzzling into the side of his neck. I placed soft, wet, open-mouthed kisses along his jugular vein. Cillian’s chuckles broke my concentration.

“I finally got you squirting on my cock Brie.” He grinned, reaching down to his crotch to feel the sticky wetness I had exploded on him. Hiding my embarrassment in his shoulder, I groaned loudly not wanting to see the mess I had created.

*****

The following morning I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. My father had driven Aoife, Cillian and myself to the airport. Billy and Marion followed behind in their car.

I would be away for six months touring the North of the USA. The tour itself didn’t start right away, but we had to make time for rehearsals, especially for the newcomers like me.

“Would it be selfish of me to ask you to wait for me?” He asked voicing the thoughts that were running through his head. The two of us were next to the gate. The time going by so fast.

“It would be unfair of me to ask that of you,” I whispered, swallowing back a painful lump.

“You're not asking. I’m asking, say the word and I will be right back here in six months.”

“I can’t, it wouldn’t be fair. You know that.”

“I really can’t save us this time can I?” He chuckled without the humour.

“Fuck.”

“Miss, we have to close the gate now.” A kind woman who allowed me an extra few minutes to say goodbye smiled.

“Thank you.” I nodded, feeling the overwhelming feeling of sadness return.

My heart felt like it was about to explode in pain.

“Stay in touch, please.” I pleaded, clutching onto Cillian’s shirt, the hoodie he was wearing when we arrived now wrapped around my shoulders.

“Always.” He nodded, tears falling freely now from his eyes.

“Ma’am.”

“I know, I know.” I nodded moving away from Cillian. Looking over at my father and friends, they all smiled nodding their heads encouragingly.

“Go live your dream Brie. You worked so hard for this.” Aoife shouted, her arms wrapped tightly around Marion who was a crying mess next to her.

“We are so proud of you.” My father smiled walking up behind Cillian and placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.

“We will look after blue eyes.” Billy grinned, and a soft chuckle fell from Cillian’s lips at the nickname. “Go be a star.”

“I love you all,” I called taking a few steps back towards the airline worker. “I love you all” I repeated, nodding my head towards the woman as a thank you for her patience.

Turning my back on my friends, I walked towards the gate, swallowing back my reservations when I heard Cillian’s voice call me. I barely had the chance to turn around when his hands cupped my face, pushing his lips to mine one more time, claiming me as his own one last time.

It was the perfect goodbye.

Taglist 

"Marion bailed and I wasn't going out alone I am not that desperate." He scoffed with a slight roll of his eyes, wrinkles creasing at the sides of his lips as he inhaled deeply on the white cigarette.

"Besides I heard young blue eyes is playing tonight." He wriggled his eyebrows at me.

"He is. That is true." I blushed, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"What's going on with you two hm?" He questioned, a cheeky grin spreading across his face once he noticed my reddened cheeks.

"I really like him Bil…"

"Tell me something I don't know." Billy rolled his eyes, putting the ends of his cigarette out against the pebble-dashed wall before tossing the remains down a drain. "Come on let's get inside before we turn into ice cubes."

Walking arm in arm, we pushed our way through the crowd, Aoife was sitting at a table with one of Andrew's friends, Calvin. I instantly felt bile rise in my throat at the thought of him being in the same bar as both myself and Cillian but mostly because I would have to see him again.

"Don't look so scared, he isn't here. I don't believe so anyway." Billy spoke in my ear. Without realising it, I had pulled him to a stop at the sight of the taller man at the table but hearing his words I felt relief wash over me.

"Effs, been getting rather close to this doctor hunk."

"I can see that." I nodded, walking next to him, and approaching the table with a smile, which Calvin returned.

"Cillian was here. He was looking for you. Wanted to talk about something but wouldn't say what." Aoife acknowledged my presence with a smile. "I think someone is smitten." She winked, wrapping her pink lips around the tiny red straw in her drink.

Glancing over at Calvin, he was watching the conversation with an indifferent look on his face before allowing a smile to take over.

"Don't worry I won't say anything to Drew." He chuckled with a shake of his head. "He didn't deserve you."

"Oh okay, thanks." I nodded bringing the drink Aoife had slid over to me into my hands and up to my mouth, sipping through the straw my eyes wandered throughout the crowd for a certain blue-eyed musician but he was nowhere to be found.

Being late to the party, I was in charge of getting the next round of drinks, I didn't mind as it allowed me to scan the crowd a bit better.  My heart sank when I noticed a familiar blond sitting at the bar nursing a pint of Harp in his hands.  

Rolling my eyes, I turned my back on him completely hoping the bartender would serve me in record time so I could escape back to my table without dealing with him.   But it appeared luck wasn't on my side.

"Brianna, fancy seeing you here." Andrew's voice entered my ear. I felt his hand slide across my lower back from behind before he stood in front of me, pint half drunk.

"What do you want Andrew? You don't even like bars like this."

"No but I wanted to see you and I knew you would be following that loser from the band around like a lost puppy." He laughed darkly, the smell of alcohol ripe on his breath, looking into his eyes I noticed his pupils were slightly dilated, he had a lot more than that pint to drink.

"The only loser I see around here is you" I spat back, turning to glare at the bartender who had once again skipped over me to serve another.

"Don't be like that Brie, come on you and I had a good few years let's not throw it away over some wannabe musician." Andrew's words were slightly slurred.

His hand came up to place some hair behind my ear, and the back of his fingers stroked against my cheek, working their way down towards my jaw before I pulled away.

"We are done Andrew get that through your head."

  *****

Returning to the table, I placed the drinks down just as The Sons of Mr Green Genes got on stage to perform.

Cillian took centre stage. He looked gorgeous tonight in his tight-fitted black t-shirt that clung to his smaller frame. Throwing the strap of his guitar around his neck, he adjusted the microphone to his lips, it was then I noticed the annoyed scowl on his face.

"Someone upset Mr Blue Eyes this evening." Billy mused, eyebrows raised so high they were practically touching his hairline.

Glancing over at him, I squinted my eyes and shook my head in confusion, silently asking him what he was talking about as the band started to play the song -Time Travel.

"He saw you talking to Andrew before he went on stage." Aoife sighed, a sympathetic smile on her face as she placed her now empty glass onto the bar tray, taking her new drink in its place. "I think he believes you invited him."

"I didn't!" I defended myself immediately.  "Why is he even here? You said you wouldn't say anything about me being here." I pointed at Calvin who had held his hands up in defence.

"I haven't said a thing. He has been following you for weeks, showing up at this band's gigs across the country just to see you."

"What?" Aoife screeched, jumping out of her seat to stand next to me, a concerned look on her face as she stared down at her date for the evening. "Why did you say anything?"

"He's harmless." Calvin brushed it off.

"They are always harmless until they aint." Billy scowled throwing one of his dirtiest looks at the buffer gentleman sitting across from him.

"That's disturbing. What a creep." Aoife scoffed, throwing a look of disgust over her shoulder but Andrew was gone. Where? I wasn't sure but he was out of my sight.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I tried to ignore what had happened focusing all my attention on Cillian who was once again so lost in his music, he looked like he was in a complete trance. I felt my heart beating in my chest, as I thought about our last few encounters and we were certainly overdue for another.

Losing myself to the music, I swayed in time, Billy joining next to me for a few before returning to his seat. Cillian avoided eye contact with me the entire set, his brother Paidi waved to me a few times before the beginning of each song, and even nudged Cillian, nodding in my direction but still he refused.

Feeling deflated, I returned to the table, taking a large mouthful of my drink when Emer appeared at our table, dressed in a red dress two sizes too small. Her chest was straining against the bust, one wrong move and she would be flashing.

"Jesus." Billy choked on his drink. The liquid coming out of his mouth hit Calvin like a spray.

"You alright?"  I asked, patting him on the back, his eyes turned red from the lack of oxygen, and the drink was running down his nose as he gasp loudly. Handing him a white napkin he patted himself down.

"She nearly fucking killed me." He wheezed pointing at Emer, who stood innocently at the end of the table. A doe-eyed look in her eyes as she watched Cillian on stage, completely obvious to what was happening around her.

"Emer? What are you doing here?" I asked, ignoring Billy's over-the-top dramatics, another male in my life that would excel in the art of acting.

"Oh Cillian invited me, between us I think he is into me but he is trying to play it cool." She giggled and for the first time tonight, Cillian looked in our direction sending a wink.

Biting back a growl, I felt a pang of jealousy in my heart as Emer jumped up and down on her feet, clapping her hands together frantically as the band finished their set.

"You okay?" Billy asked, sliding next to me, and wrapping a protective arm around my shoulders.

"I'm done. I'm so fucking done." I growled, throwing myself back into my seat, and crossing my arms over my chest.

I didn't want to put a sour note on the night, Emer had disappeared into the crowd no doubt going to find Cillian after his set and I was determined to enjoy myself.

I was not going to let Cillian fucking Murphy get to me anymore.

  *****

  Yelling loudly, Billy and I both giggled as we jiggled on our feet, fighting off the taste of yet another shot of tequila. Aoife and Calvin had disappeared into the night after the band's set finished, no question what it was they disappeared to get up to.

"FUCK THE MEN." Billy cackled loudly, slamming the now empty glass on the table. Throwing his hands in the air and dancing to the music in his head.

"Enjoying your night?" I heard that Irish brogue that if I had been sober, would have had me weak at the knees. Turning around to face him, he stood behind me with his hands inside his jeans pockets, an unreadable expression on his face.

"I am. Where's Emer? Get bored of you already?" I asked with a hint of venom. I heard Billy behind me creating loud cat noises. I could just see him in my head, scratching the air with his claws.

"Toilet," Cillian answered flatly.

"Great," I replied with a small shake of my head as an awkward silence fell over us. "What do you want?" I asked breaking it.

"Where's your boyfriend?"

"Don't have one."

"I saw you with Andrew earlier Brianna, seemed pretty cosy."

"What does it matter to you?" I snapped, stepping into his space but he only shrugged his shoulders in response.

"The man is stalking her blue eyes," Billy answered his question for me. "She came here for you but you chose the blonde who wears her little sister's barbie doll dress out in public so FUCK YOU."

"Yeah FUCK YOU" I laughed joining Billy as we held up our middle fingers. "This is your loss, Murphy."

*****

Anyone interested in the bands song I found it on YouTube - Time Travel it’s rather a bop if I do say so myself. 

Taglist