#everything's kosher

Three  years ago this month, I was feeling confused and hurt, but (maybe a little foolishly) said that loving someone THAT much meant that they had to love me back and that I was going to be okay several times.

Two years ago, I was spending a lot of time with Ben in a cold basement and those are the Dark Days and I don't have any journals with the rest of them that have anything from this time. But it was mostly a blur of cold and sickness.

Last year, my Grandma was dying but I optimistically said that I thought things were going to get better, that the new year was just around the corner and it was finally going to be a good year for me/all of us.

And, you know what? I was okay, I AM okay, and this year WAS brilliant excluding Grandma dying, albeit hard work. I did a lot of cool things and saw amazing people and now have the thing I have wanted most for a few years now. Using that, I should calm the fuck down and trust that, as always, everything will be okay in the end.

I am a lucky panda.

I am loved.

I am breathing.