around like late winter through early summer i was feeling soooooo good & happy & strong in my body. i even talked about that on here a lot!! not only was i stronger, but i had gained a noticeable amount of weight & did a LOT of inner work to not only feel okay with it, but to feel confident & sexy & to PREFER that over how i had looked before. and over the past few months, all of that is gone. bc of a combination of things (but mostly my new job) i’ve been rlly rlly struggling to eat enough (or at all), i haven’t gone to the gym for MONTHS (yoga is all i have the energy for), i’m not sleeping enough, etc etc. i’ve lost all that fucking muscle i worked so hard for & i’ve dropped SO much weight. and i can’t believe this sentence is about to come out of my mouth (bc as someone who has struggled a lot w/ disordered eating, 5 yrs ago this was what i was fucking striving for) but.......... i hate it?? not only do i feel weak & tired & vulnerable, but i rlly did like myself with a lil extra weight. and now it’s just....... gone, realistically for as long as i stay at this job, and i feel like a pale frail little skeleton of myself. literally you can even see it in my face, i look so fucking gaunt these days & for no fucking good reason and i know all that work i did on myself wasn’t for nothing & i’ll be back there eventually but. right now it does just feel like i did all of that for nothing
