#everydayiwillwaitforyou

Fuck i feel like throwing up and crying and i need someone I cant believe they cancelled school so i cant even escape my pain and pretend it doesnt exist

the worst part about depression is trying to remember to be happy. i don't remember how to be happy anymore. i don't remember what real happiness is like. i know moments of it, i know parts of it, but my life has become about my depression and dealing with it and dealing with the crying spells and the not wanting to shower and wanting to hole up. obviously i have great days where i am happy and things are fine and i don't let little things bother me and i feel great. but for some reason, being in my room and being alone with no one to talk to, it makes it worse. i want to make it go away but i am always going to live like this, im always going to have to deal with this. but it fucking sucks and i need someone to be there to catch me when i fall like this.

i cant shake this bad feeling in my heart and for once, i hope my intuition is wrong

I need a hug and something to alliviate my pain. I've had too much of this heavy weight in my heart these last few years and I just want to be happy with my Lachlain again. I need him to be happy. I need him for me to be happy. Our happiness depends in each other.

I should have noticed but I didn't. I didn't pay attention and now it's gotten to the point that I can't do anything to help him. And it'll be my fault...