#everdayindian

I love watching myself grow. The lil changes in my life, the decisions I make, my thoughts, my lifestyle, the friends I choose, and even the way I dress, I can see them change. Just thinking about it all feels so overwhelming.

The other day, I just realized that being 21 is huge! We often unsee it, but trust me, it is huge. Life’s entering the adulthood now and it’s no joke. So take a pause and think whether you like the person that you are growing into. Yep, I still adore myself ^_^ (No, I am not self-obsessed)

Now, I can self-assure, re-assure, just-assure myself that I am a mature, independent and positive soul just wanting to grow beautifully and be better than what I was previously. 20 years of mistakes, 20 years of memories is what I am today and it couldn’t have been better.

This blog is to remind all of us that we must cherish ourselves at every stage, cause.., come on, its not like others can celebrate you.

Tell me something about yourself? Umm me..uhh.

Yeah, it was always tough for me to answer this question too. This is the one question where whatever I say is right…right? But why does my answer never satisfy me? That’s when I realized, there are a lot of things I don’t know about myself, I don’t know what I like or what I want or what I am.

So I went for a lil self-exploration. I started to note down stuff about myself every time I realized that this is what I like or this is what I want(yeah, I am organized that way). But why is any of this important? Does this make me happy?

100% yes. You know when you spend a lot of time with someone you get to know them more and you kind of start liking them too. I did the same and spent a lot of time with myself. Stretching my comfort zone never felt more comfortable. I felt more confident now. Man, so much clarity in life I say. Every decision I make now is my own.

I know what I like, I know what I want and I know what I am. Now am I able to answer the former question satisfactorily? Definitely. Are all the decisions I make good for me? Doubtful. Will my life go as I want? Might not.

You know, Life happens. You always end up at places you never thought you would be. So many unknowns in life. No amount of clarity can help you with that. At times like this, we got to remember that, it is normal. All the experiences you go through are pieces. Pieces of a big jigsaw puzzle. These are the times when we are totally focused on that one piece in our hands and can see only that piece right now.

In instances like this, it is better if we take a pause, take a step back and see the massive image of the entire puzzle. Sometimes if we shift our perspective, we can see a different way to place that puzzle piece than we did before. And then the portions click on collectively with a pleasing snap and matters start to work in our favour.

Yes, I have always been the one who hides their emotions, feelings, opinions, everything within themselves..little did I realise that all this would one day just choke me up. But right now I just want to ask myself 2 simple questions i.e, why and what now.

So, why do I always end up not expressing myself ?? The answer to this is pretty simple. That is because I am from an Indian family, not just any Indian family…a typical south Indian family. Just this one line and many of you might already be able relate to my situation but in case you didn’t get this yet, let me explain you in detail. So all my life, my homies just assumed that, what they like is what I like. Eventually, repressing my emotions became my trait. Whether it was with my friends or close ones or to that matter be it strangers, I just did what everyone wants me to do, trying so hard to be that perfect person that everyone likes. Actually, I never realised this nor this actually bothered me until I left home for studies last year and started exploring myself.

Glad, that I finally realised this. I know, you all must be wanting to tell me to just do something about this like just stand on what I really want. But wont it hurt them? Yes it would. So the real question here is, am I okay with hurting them? Is thinking about others before myself, that bad?