#euphamisms

‘Wilford what is taking you so long?’

'YOU CAN’T RUSH PERFECTION DARK!’

Dark rolled his eyes with an amused sigh as he hovered outside their shared bedroom, for some reason Wilford was taking quite a bit of time with his costume. Dark grinned when he thought of it, Wilford had insisted on finding the skimpiest maid outfit that the internet could possibly offer. Wilford had even tried to persuade Dark to go for feminine outfit but there were some things that Dark was not prepared to do and “no Wilford I am NOT cross-dressing with you, I love you but there is a line and cross-dressing is the line” put an end to that particular dream of Wilford’s. Dark grinned a little at the thought, until a small stream of seemingly frustrated sounds started emanating from the bedroom.

'Fucking…goddamn tank top….’

'Are you okay? Do you need any hel-’

'NO I’M FINE DON’T COME IN HERE!’

Dark laughed amusedly, placing his hand on the doorknob to turn it and swing the door open.

'Wilford if you wanted to keep me out then that was the wrong thing to say….’

Dark eyes glittered with his gentle amusement as he opened the door, fully expecting to see Wilford topless whilst holding a piece of clothing in his hands and trying to resist the urge to tear it to pieces. He was half right. Dark raised a hand to cover his mouth as he grinned heavily, oh this was just too good.

'Oh my god….’

Dark fell into a laughing fit as he observed Wilford’s state, He was indeed topless, or partially, his torso was bare due to the fact that by some mystical way, Wilford had managed to trap his head and arms in the 'tank top’ piece of clothing. Thus rendering his arms stuck above his head whilst also meaning that he couldn’t see anything around him, which he was extremely happy about.

'Yeah yeah go on laugh it up why don'tcha!’

Dark most certainly did, for a few rather lengthy minutes in fact whilst Wilford stood there grumbling and struggling lightly. Dark did however manage to compose himself, but he couldn’t keep the massive grin off his face as he paced over with a light sigh.

'You are such a moron.’

Wilford let out a gentle, indignant huff as Dark chuckled and scanned the scene, immediately starting to take the material and yank it slowly as Wilford wiggled. Quite a bit of it was bunched at his underarms so Dark decided to fumble about there, which to his surprise made Wilford jump back with a light yip.

'H-hey be careful!’

Wilford exclaimed, he gulped a little at the thought of how this….was actually quite a vulnerable position that he was in. He certainly didn’t want Dark to undergo that realisation and end up…..taking advantage of it. Unfortunately for Wilford however, upon his exclamation Dark had paused….and let his lips stretch into a wide a feral smirk; he was going to have some fun with this.

'Why Wilford whatever is the matter? I’m only trying to help….’

Dark let his hands move down to where the edges of the material were clinging to Wilford’s lower ribs, and he slipped his hands underneath as he 'tried’ to remove it and lift it up. Wilford meanwhile had already fallen into light giggles as he squirmed and flinched.

'Dahark you’re nahahat helpihing!!’

Wilford’s giggles were squeaky and sporadic as he tried to squirm away from Dark’s touch, but alas, the latter man was extremely persistent as his fingertips started to massage Wilford’s lower ribcage.

'Well obviously it would help more if you could stay still, honestly why on earth are you so squirmy?’

Dark feigned innocence but Wilford could hear the amusement and mischief in his voice as his giggling increased in volume, he was rapidly trying to tug at his arms to see if he could at least bring them down a few inches; but nothing worked.

'Yohohohohou knohohow why yohohou dihihihick!!’

Dark chuckled loudly as he allowed his hands to move down and pinch Wilford’s sides, making said man yelp and try to jerk as he cackled and tried shuffling away.

'No I really don’t, why don’t you enlighten me?’

Dark’s smirk was feral and yet playful as he squeezed the ticklish flesh rapidly, relishing in Wilford’s wild reactions as he tried twisting out of reach. Dark’s tickling hands only followed though, there was no way for Wilford to escape.

'FUHUHUHUCK YOHOHOU DOHOHOUCHE!’

Dark gasped lightly with heavy indignance, but he couldn’t stop his fond grin from emerging as he observed Wilford’s form. Wilford meanwhile was enraptured by nerves, uncertainty as well as plain and simple mirth; the fact that he couldn’t see whatever Dark was doing made bubbles explode in his tummy as he listened hard. No matter how hard he listened though, Dark still caught him off guard when his hands made contact with his belly.

'I was only asking a simple question, there was no need for such rudeness!' 

Wilford was spluttering with his embarrassment as his bubbly laughter pierced the air and bounced around the room, whilst the man himself felt his knees buckle thus making him fall to the floor as he tried to shuffle away from his attacker.

'THIHIHIHIS IHIHIS RUHUHUHUDE!!’

Dark snickered as he followed Wilford to the floor, perching on his thighs delicately as he squeezed and pinched the light pudge of Wilford’s lower tummy, making the owner squeal and laugh rather adorably. Which Dark did not hesitate to point out.

'Actually I think this is rather cute….’

Dark’s fingertips swept over Wilford’s waistline thus making him buck and yelp in a beautifully desperate fashion, all the while he was tugging fruitlessly at his arms. At Dark’s words Wilford was almost thankful that the garment was covering his face since he could feel his cheeks heating up magnificently.

'SHUHUHUHUHUT YOHOHOUR FAHAHAHACE!!’

Dark only had to hear Wilford’s words to know he’d succeeded in his relaxed attempts to fluster him, he’d done it so many times it was like second nature to him; Wilford however had certainly not gotten used to it.

'So demanding, one would’ve thought that someone in your position would be more polite…’

Dark spoke in a light growl as his fingers splayed over Wilford’s belly and sides teasingly, making the man beneath him shiver and let out a gentle whimper. Dark traced light circles and patterns over the quivering flesh, as his hands ever so slowly began drifting towards Wilford’s kryptonite. His strong, sensitive hips.

'Nonononoho Dahark dohon’t do it, j-juhust get me ohout of this please!!’

Wilford’s words bubbled out from him rapidly and haphazardly, which only encouraged Dark to continue in his mischievous endeavour with a wide smirk.

'Oh my darling Wilford, you’re a strong man….I’m sure you’ll get out eventually.’

Dark’s gentle touches ceased….and his ruthlessness reared it’s tickly head as Dark wormed his thumbs under the waistline of Wilford’s maid skirt so he could vibrate them over Wilford’s hip bones.

'NAHAHAHAHAHAHA FAHAHAHAHAHAHACK!!!’

Wilford was in immediate hysterics, he was bucking and writhing as the bundles of nerves were tormented relentlessly and with an amazingly determined vigour. Dark knew he was enjoying this way too much….but then when it comes to making Wilford hysterical, from his point of view there was no such thing as too much.

'Awwww tickle tickle sweetheart….’

Dark cooed delicately as Wilford wailed desperately, ticklish jolts surging through his entire system as Dark’s thumbs moved to the bowels of his hips; he massaged harshly this rendering a scream from Wilford.

'PLEHEHEHEHEHEHE NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!’

Dark was enraptured by Wilford’s incoherency, and as a result he ended up being shocked when a sharp ripping sound filled the room shortly before Wilford’s hands latched onto his with desperate abandonment.

'Nohohoho mohohohore…..’

Dark couldn’t speak for a moment….Wilford, in that moment was just stunning. His hair was mussed and his lips were spread wide in a beautiful, dazzling, and slightly exhausted smile as his cheeks burned with his breathlessness and flustered feelings. Dark felt hypnotised as he looked over Wilford, who in turn was looking at him with a hint of confusion.

'God….you’re so beautiful….’

Wilford had no time to react before Dark’s lips crashed into his with warmth and sincere passion, Wilford reciprocated eagerly and couldn’t help a happy grin forming as a light hum left his lips. It lasted for a long while, but they both had to withdraw begrudgingly due the annoyance that was their bodies’ needs for oxygen. Wilford was himself in a bliss filled daze, whilst Dark recovered and soon bore a gentle smile as he looked down to where Wilford’s hands grasped his.

'I told you you’d get yourself out.’

Wilford blinked a few times at the sound of Dark’s deeply-toned sarcasm, he smiled at Dark with a hint of exasperation as he looked to where his hands rested; he decided to give Dark’s hands a small squeeze of warning.

'Shut up you….’

Dark chuckled as he leant over Wilford with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

'Why don’t you make me?’

Wilford raised an eyebrow at Dark’s demeanour and giggled a little as he spoke with exaggerated shock lacing his voice.

'Oh you dirty devil!’

Dark let out a barking laugh as he gazed down at Wilford, the mischief that bubbled within the man never ceased to amaze and amuse him; it was one of the endless things that Dark loved about him, mainly because it helped coax out Dark’s own mischievous side. Much like now as Dark’s gaze flicked over Wilford’s attire.

'Mm….perhaps I require a maid.’

Dark’s eyes glittered dangerously as Wilford’s own visage seemed to shine and perk up, his lips quirking into a light smirk as he sat up and leant so he was upright and face to face with Dark; he may have only whispered, but his words echoed in Dark’s mind.

'Then perhaps I should get to work.’

Oh those men, nothing will ever really compare to them will it? Their relationship will never die either….it may get a little dusty or glossed over but never forgotten. Much like the season of Halloween. They are eternal.

‘I’ll bet you anything that I’m right!’

‘But…how can you be sure he’ll….’

Dark’s head shot up at the sound of whispering voices entering the living area, he furrowed his brows as Wilford and Bim paced in together as they discussed something heatedly. Dark narrowed his eyes as they quietened at the sight of his presence, Bim sent Wilford an anxious look to which he only rolled his eyes and tugged him along by his jacket sleeve. Stalking straight over to where Dark was sat.

‘Dark.’

Dark sighed as Wilford addressed him pointedly, Dark sank into his chair furthur as he regarded both men carefully.

'Wilford….Bim.’

The latter smiled nervously, eyes darting between the two other egos.

'What do you want?’

Wilford rubbed his hands together as he cleared his throat, in some sort of an attempt to project seriousness.

'Okay so, this is gonna sound a bit random-’

'Wilford…everything that’s ever come out of your mouth has been random, there’s no point in warning me now.’

Bim snickered as Wilford sent Dark a light glare, he chuckled briefly before gesturing for the moustached to continue.

'Basically….we need you to scream.’

Dark blinked a few times as Wilford stared at him.

'You need me to….what?’

Wilford sighed exasperently as Bim grinned with amusement.

'Scream!’

Dark donned a slightly bewildered expression, flicking his eyes between Wilford and Bim as his face scrunched with his confusion.

'Whatever for?!’

He exclaimed, Wilford waved his hands as he dismissed Dark’s confusion.

'Look we’ll tell you after, can ya just do it?’

Dark let out a light laugh, he shook his head as he stood from his chair. He was not in the mood to deal with Wilford’s incessently annoying quirks.

'No.’

Dark spoke firmly as he started walking away, he heard Wilford make a noise of surprise before he shuffled to stand in front of him.

'C'mon Dark, it’s just a noise! You’ve only gotta do it onc-’

'I’m not catering to your stupid little whims Wilford.’

Dark tried to swerve round him, but Wilford side-stepped so he couldn’t get past. Dark gritted his teeth and glared at the man’s determined demeanour.

'Wilford get out of my way.’

He tried to swerve again, but Wilford only copied his movements with a gentle, yet heavily amused glint in his eyes.

'No.’

Bim watched the interaction practically on tip-toe, he shivered at the electricity that seemed to surround the two men as they stood face to face. Dark was almost snarling as his hands balled into fists at his sides.

'I am not going to scream.’

Wilford snickered as he raised an eyebrow, he sighed resignedly.

'I guess I’ll have to make you scream then-’

Wilford and Dark both furrowed their eyebrows at the sound of a light, sudden snort followed by a giggle; they both turned to see Bim covering his mouth with an embarrassed and slightly mortified expression. Wilford gaped lightly.

'Really Bim? Really?’

Bim stammered and Dark had to fight off a tiny grin at his outburst, Wilford folded his arms with a slightly incredulous look.

'Sohorry Ihi’m sorry….’

Bim bit on his bottom lip as Dark looked back to Wilford, he smiled as he started to side-step him; Dark evidently thought he was too distracted by Bim’s sudden interruption to notice. But…he was wrong.

'Oh no ya don’t!’

Dark grunted as Wilford reached forward and grabbed his forearms before he wrestled him to the carpeted floor, Dark’s unpreparedness was his downfall as Wilford ended up perched on his thighs. He turned to Bim who was still stood with an embarrassed grin.

'Hey Mr Euphamism, are ya gonna help me out here?!’

Bim giggled bashfully as he wandered over, Dark tried to tug at his arms as Wilford passed them to Bim but his grip was just as strong. Soon they were above his head and Wilford looked over the set-up with a satisfied grin.

'Comfy?’

Dark glared at the pair of them, Bim gulped gently and avoided his gaze as Wilford chuckled amusedly.

'Wilford this isn’t funny!’

'Uh…I think it is! Now then, down to business….’

Wilford cracked his knuckles with a look of deft mischief, he wiggled his fingers in the air and revelled in Dark’s brief flicker of fear. Dark was fearful because of how Wilford knew him very well in certain ways….like how to make him scream, for instance. Dark clamped his mouth shut as the fingers descended onto his sides, scratching light and fast.

'You p-piece ohof shi-hit….’

Dark’s lips were quivering in the form of a small smile as Wilford traced over his shirt, a devious smirk in place.

'Come on, don’t you hold out on me now!’

Wilford spoke, almost repimandingly as he suddenly squeezed Dark’s belly, this effectively made him erupt into loud cackles.

'WIHIHILFOHOHORD YOHOHOHOU DIHIHIHICK!’

Dark squirmed and jumped as Wilford’s fingers probed every inch of his belly, sweeping over his waistline teasingly; the moustached man crowed triumphantly.

'Aha! Now we’re starting to get somewhere!’

Bim was slightly shocked at Dark’s intense reactions, but he too revelled in it gleefully as Dark replied scathingly.

'FUHUHUHUHUHUCK YOHOHOHOU!’

Wilford giggled as he showed no signs of letting up. Bim meanwhile, was grinning happily as he saw the joy spread across Dark’s monochrome complexion; he giggled as Dark thrashed when Wilford’s index finger delved into his navel.

'Wow Dark, you’re really ticklish aren’t you?’

A strangled noise flew from Dark’s throat as he heard the gentle tease flow through Bim’s innocent voice, as a result he couldn’t even muster up the courage to look at him as he replied.

'SHUHUHUT UHUHUHUHUP!’

Wilford laughed as he turned to Bim momentarily.

'That was a nice touch there Trimmer.’

'Thanks.’

Bim grinned as he continued to spectate, Wilford’s fingers were now moving furthur up to torture Dark’s ribcage. There were yelps, squeaks and a fair few delicious screeches….but no screams.

'STAHAHAHAP THIHIHIHIHIS! WIHIHIHILFOHOHORD!’

Dark squealed as his tormentor fluttered and scratched under his arms, he wailed through his laughter as Wilford scrutinised him with a smirk.

'Sorry Darkipoo, but we’re not done till we get a scream from ya! The question is….’

Wilford halted his movements as Dark caught his breath and looked up at him.

'Are ya gonna give us what we want….or are we gonna have to force it out of ya?’

Dark shivered at Wilford’s words, but nevertheless produced a defiant sneer. He was Darkiplier for fuck’s sake, he wasn’t going to concede to this pastel prat that easily.

'Bite me Warfstache.’

He growled, but rolled his eyes as another giggle pierced the room. Bim was biting his bottom lip as Wilford stared at him with a steely look.

'Bim, after this you and I are having a talk.’

Wilford tried to sound serious but he couldn’t hide his wide grin at Bim’s giggliness and his mind’s functionality. He looked back down to Dark.

'Sorry, where were we? Ah yes….’

Wilford’s eyes danced with gleeful malevolence as Dark’s words sunk in, his eyes roamed over the smart man beneath him as he smiled with a cold gentleness.

'If you’re sure-?’

'Positive, you don’t particularly worry me Wil.’

Wilford narrowed his eyes before leaning down to hover over him, Dark tensed at their new proximity and he couldn’t help but clench his jaw tightly as he held his breath. Wilford’s sugary scent washed over him as said man mumbled.

'Don’t I? I’m not sure I believe you….’

Wilford smirked with heavy pride when Dark remained silent, he looked to Bim with excitement.

'Time to bring out the big guns! Ya better hold him tight Bimmy!’

Bim let out a laugh and tightened his hold on Dark’s forearms, the owner’s lips were twitching prematurely as his muscles quivered. Wilford grinned as he maneuvered himself so he was facing Dark’s legs, and he started to slowly trail over the thighs before him.

'Nonononohohoho Wihihilfohohord wahahahait!’

Wilford tutted at Dark’s desperate words as he walked his fingers down to his shaking kneecaps, Dark was giggling rapidly all the while as he realised what was coming.

'You had your waiting time, you could have prevented this….but ya just had to be a defiant little bitch didn’t ya?’

Dark was grinning and shaking his head in rapt anticipation, the factor of being unable to see Wilford’s movements making the entire thing worse. He jumped violently as Wilford scraped behind his knees teasingly.

'NOHO PLEASE WILFORD! YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS!’

Dark yelled breathlessly, his gaze was affixed to Wilford’s motionless form. Wilford smirked and laughed. He laughed deeply and richly, cheeks almost aching as he sighed.

'Oh Dark, whatever gave you that impression?’

Wilford scribbled the sensitive backs of Dark’s knees, closing his eyes as he awaited the sweet sound. Sure enough, Dark screamed.

'AHAHAHAHAHHHHHHH!!!’

There were honest to god tears in Bim’s and Wilford’s eyes as they heard the sound, their laughing fits consuming them. Wilford immediatly rolled off Dark as he cackled, Bim at the same time released Dark’s arms so he could cover his own mouth as bubbly laughter spewed from him. Dark’s scream had begun relatively normally. Half-way through however, it seemed to crack and dip into a mid-level tone and trail off in an echoing resonance.

Dark was so confused. At his current freedom, at his companions’ hysteria…at the whole goddamn scenario frankly.

'Ihihihi fuhuhuckihing tohold you!’

Wilford exclaimed as he cheeks donned a rosy flush, he pointed at Bim as he spoke whose expression was a mix of….everything. Dark had drawn his legs close to him and cleared his throat loudly.

'What. Is. So. Funny?!’

He punctured each word with a harsh grind to his own teeth as he glared at Wilford piercingly, the latter didn’t even notice as he waved towards Bim.

'Oho my gohod, shohow him….’

Wilford was wiping his eyes throughout his residual giggles, Dark flicked his head to Bim who gulped at the intensity of his gaze. His hands shook gently as he took his phone out and shuffled towards him gently.

'Ihit uhm, just…juhust watch thihis….’

Bim had pulled up a video on his phone, Dark leant in and watched confusedly as an image of a mouse was narrated over and then…

“AHHHHHHHHHHH….”

Dark heard Bim snort and start giggling afresh as he watched the short video, after it finished Dark was in a slight daze as Bim spoke carefully.

'I uh, I showed Wilford and he said that it was what yohour scream sounded like….’

Dark turned to him, causing him to trail off gently under his focused stare. He raised an eyebrow.

'Please. Continue.’

Bim shivered and cleared his throat.

'Well, I said I didn’t believe him and he said that he would prove it and uhm…well, this happened so….’

Bim trailed off again, Dark tilted his head as he examined him a little.

'I see….’

Dark pursed his lips, mulling over the whole thing. But soon he sighed, running a hand through his hair as he crossed his legs on the floor with gentle exhaustion.

'Well….Wilford’s not exactly incorrect-’

'YEHES! I TOLD YOU!’

Wilford punched the air in victory, Dark chuckled as he shuffled over and stuck his tongue out at Bim.

'Suck it Trimmer!’

Bim giggled lightly as he replied.

'I’d rather not thanks….’

Dark grinned and laughed loudly as Wilford narrowed his eyes, shaking his head gently at Bim who was muffling his embarrassed giggles. Wilford’s eyes sparkled as he spoke.

'Y'know this is why you’re still single….’

Dark zoned out as Wilford and Bim’s voices became background noise as he thought to himself. Calm days were good, certainly, but they most definately were not his preferred kind of day.