(Context: I've grown up in the Middle East in a very conservative circle. I say this now because when I tell you I KNOW misogyny and homophobia, I mean I KNOW misogyny and homophobia, and have in my youth consumed a lot of East Asian media where I have definitely noticed a kind of trend in many different genres. Because of misogyny, there is for a lot of women with a kind of fantasy of being loved despite being female. The man-woman relationship is so loaded with so much angst and patriarchy that there is this kind of underlying feeling that you aren’t liked for you, that you are seen for your gender and what it’s supposed to look like, to the point where it’s hard to want to project yourself into a typical F x M dynamic, because you can really only associate it with the patriarchal ideal you so wish to avoid for yourself.)

But anyways, that line to me is also hinting to this: hey, this isn’t just my kind of strange and confused coming out because I feel strange and confused, but also you, Eun Chan, are something out of binary that my subconscious has kind of picked up on but that I right now don’t really have the words for or even awareness of. Eun Chan sometimes wants to be perceived as female—or rather, as a ''girl'' sparkle sparkle—but only when looking for or wanting male validation. (This might seem contradictory to the italicized section, but it actually isn’t. Wanting to escape the role of the female completely but still craving the attention you have been taught to chase actually go very much hand in hand with each other.) Eun Chan is always performing gender when they need to. When they don’t, it isn’t brought up. It isn’t given a name, it just is.

Yes, I know it’s an older drama from a conservative country, but that doesn’t mean none of this was intended. And despite intent, it doesn’t make it less valid.

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