#eternalstereknetwork

His voice cuts through the silence, goes straight to his heart and hits him icecold. Derek’s eyes are still closed, he hasn’t moved an inch but Stiles can see that his breathing is off, can feel the cold in his voice like ice on his skin. It pains him. He wants to climb back in bed, tell Derek that he won’t leave after all, that he changed his mind.

He isn’t even sure that he hasn’t. He wants to stay, he wants to spend more time with the man he’s loved for so long now that he finally has him but he knows he can’t. It’s part of the pact they had made with the witches, that he comes with them to get trained, because they think he has potential. It was supposed to be a good thing, for all of them. It was supposed to make him stronger and it was a sacrifice he’d been willing to make because he’d thought there was nothing to loose. He looks at Derek and thinks to himself, that he has everything to loose now. Oh, how things changed.

"Not yet." Stiles says quietly and turns around to continue to stare out of the window.

From behind him he can hear Derek moving, shoving the blankets aside and climbing out of the bed. Footsteps come closer until they stop right behind him. Derek’s arms gently tug him back a bit, against the older man’s warm chest. Stiles closes his eyes, tries not to get lost in the feeling.

"You are not making this easier, Derek." 

Derek winces behind him. “It shouldn’t be easy.”

Stiles lets his head fall forward as Derek’s breath ghosts over the back of his neck.

"It isn’t" he says. "Trust me Derek, it isn’t." 

He takes Derek’s hands in his and moves them from his body. Stiles turns around.

"This is the hardest thing for me. I don’t want to leave you behind but I made a promise and…" Stiles voice breaks.

Derek looks at him, pain in his eyes and his jaw clenched. The hurts runs thought his veins like poison and he feels the tears coming up to his eyes before he can fight them.

All this time and they’ve never had the guts to say anything and now that they had finally managed to find each other, he had to leave Derek behind. That was the deal. He would go with the witches, him and noone else.

"I told you I loved you, that night." Derek says.

Stiles nods softly, biting his lip again. “I wish you hadn’t. I wish you hadn’t said anything. I knew this would be a bad idea. That night, you said so many things I wish you didn’t say. It made things so much harder.” 

"You said you loved me, too."

Derek’s voice is so quiet, so small, Stiles isn’t even sure it’s Derek’s anymore. He doesn’t sound like himself, doesn’t look like the man he fell in love with and for a second he hates himself. How could he ever think that this would be a good idea? Three weeks of love and passion and then? Nothing? He should have known it would end up in pain for both of them.

"Because I do, Derek. I do love you." Stiles puts his hands on the werewolf’s cheekbones, framing his handsome face and catches a tear from Derek’s eye. "But I wish you hadn’t told me. I wish I hadn’t said anything either because how do you expect me to leave you behind knowing what we could have had? How do expect me to life so far away from you, without knowing if you are dead or alive, if you are doing well? I can’t…I can’t think about that right now."

Derek nods, like he understands and Stiles guesses he does. They’ve both made sacrifces before, he knows how this goes. He knows there’s no other chance because the pack can’t kill the witches. They are outnumbered on this and this is an offer of peace without anyone getting hurt…physically at least.

"Come back to me!" Derek says.

"I will!" Stiles breathes. "Now close your eyes and only open them when you can’t sense me anymore, okay? And before you know it, I will be back."

He knoes it’s a lie. It would take years before he would be allowed to come back but he knows that he will. He will come back to Derek, one day. He will not let this go.

"Alright." Derek closes his eyes.

Stiles breathes in, looks at Derek for a few second before he presses his lips against Derek’s in an act of desperation. Derek doesn’t move, doesn’t put his hands on him like he’s always done before. He presses his lips against Stiles’, his eyes still firmly closed.

Stiles takes a step back.

"I love you." he breathes and then he runs. He runs out of the loft, down the stairs and into the parking lot where a car is waiting for him. He’s still crying, the smell of salty tears lingers in the air around the loft.

——————————————-

When Isaac, Boyd and Erica come by next morning, they find Derek in the same position, right in front of the window, with his eyes closed. 

Erica takes his hand into hers, Boyd puts his on Derek’s shoulder and Isaac puts his head on his other shoulder. Derek doesn’t move.

"Stiles said I should open my eyes when I can’t sense him anymore. But I can still feel him." he explains, as if his betas didn’t already know.