#etatio

Drip… Drip… Drip…

Haahh…

What… ?

…..

Where… ?

…

Blurry…

Deep breath…

Slow…

Slow down… good… yeah…

Breathe out longer than you breathe in…

Yeah… yeah… okay, yeah…

Breathing… breathing… breathing…

Body… he had a body… he was… sitting on the ground…

Fingers… fingers against… what was it, what did he feel?

Cold… stone… and liquid…  his back was leaning against… something…

Etatio slowly forced his eyes open, blinking. It took him a while to figure out that this was… his kitchen. He didn’t remember how he came here… he didn’t even really remember what had happened to cause this, but he knew… he knew that he’d dissociated again.

Must have had an episode… something must have freaked him out… he could still feel the adrenaline in his veins, heart racing, hands trembling, body tense… His body was wet, but he wasn’t sure if it was sweat, or water, or even blood. Wouldn’t be the first time it was all three…

The seadweller ran a hand down his face, wiping some of the liquids off. Yeah… there it was… his own, damn blood… Nosebleed? Haha… probably… he’d deal with it soon enough.

Grumbling and growling he finally dragged himself off the floor, stabilizing on the kitchen counter. Augh… felt like his clothing was torn, he could feel it hang off himself in part… Must have gotten into quite the altercation…

The sink was dripping, water splashed all over the counter. Must have tried to cool off… or wash the blood away? He did spy some violet in the sink and on the counter.

Fuck, he hated this… he hated losing control. It was almost like being drunk or high… or at least he always figured it might be comparable to that. Not that he had ever tried… always kinda felt too dangerous…

He hated it when instincts took over, when he lost his mind, when he was nothing but a monster bent on survival, barely able to distinguish between friend or foe…

Wait. He patted himself down quickly, checking for blood colors that weren’t his. Shit, shit, shit! If he’d hurt any of his friends he’d never fucking forgive himself for it! His eyes widened in sheer panic when they caught olive and black.

No… NO! Nonononono!

All of his senses went haywire once more, heart racing, body tensing up, sweat building, though this time was different than before. He was seriously panicked. This was Somnee’s blood! The color of her eyes, he recognized it all too well. Had he hurt her? Had he killed her?!?!

12... They had been 12... Brothers and sisters of the Hedoni bloodline, each of them unique and worthy of love and it was only he who survived...

The first 3 siblings were lost before pupation, one of them eaten, two squished by... accident? Etatio wasn't sure, his memories from way back then were a little fuzzy, but he remembered that they were gone for good. 9 left, and it put fear into his system, like a constant infusion, dripping into his veins. Coming close to his lusus was dangerous, going too far away from him was dangerous... making noises was dangerous... moving was dangerous... breathing, eating, sleeping was dangerous... everything could get you killed. Especially if you're a tiny, squishy grub. The water was definitely safer, because at least they could swim faster than they could scuttle on land. Thank fuck his Lusus hadn't become too volatile yet. There were moments of peace, moments of love even. Times when one of the heads would nudge and nuzzle him, coral everybody into a comfy pile for safety. And as fleeting as those moments were, they warmed his heart and made him feel loved...

Pupation had been... as safe as it could have been, and now they had to learn to be quick on their feet as well as in water. It was easier to dodge the tail and bites on land now, or at least it became easier once they'd gotten used to their new limbs... another sibling was lost during the transitional phase, 8... but even now there were times of sweetness and affection. And if not from their lusus, they still kind of had each other... It was only the beginning...

Around this time, they all began to explore the outside of the hive more. Some of them wanted to flee this miserable existence, others were just happy to find a place to play and enjoy the small joys of childhood for as long as they lasted. Those who wished to flee were soon deterred by the one made example of as he ran away. The child was swooped up and eaten by a much bigger predator as soon as he had gone too far from the hive. 7... That day they were taught that despite the dangers of their lusus, the world out there was so much worse... Their lusus was only a chance of death, while the outside was a guarantee of it. They were still too small and weak to survive on their own, and so they stayed.

Things seemed to become better as time passed and everybody learned to dodge and avoid the dangers of their lusus, but any hopes of betterment became thwarted by the fact that any aggressive and erratic behaviour from their lusus seemed to increase in frequency, and then in intensity. As much as each of them learned to dodge and avoid, to seek safe spaces, it wasn't enough anymore. They began to sustain hits. At first it was only little scratches and bruises, last second get aways teaching them that they had to adapt yet again. They also needed to learn how to treat wounds, but who was to teach them besides themselves? Many of their wounds began to infect and fester, and it wasn't until two more of them were gone, that they knew how to treat wounds properly. Bleeding had to be stopped, wounds needed to be disinfected, fevers had to be cooled, and medicine was something they managed to figure out with what seemed like trial and error, but they did it... They did it... 5 left...

Around this time, tensions began to divide the siblings. Some of them wanted to fight back and kill their Lusus, others wanted to find more peaceful ways to survive, maybe to even coexist. After all, there had to be a reason why their lusus was the way it was! Their lusus wasn't just evil for evil's sake. It probably didn't even know what it was doing! Etatio wanted to kill it... and he believed that he had grown strong enough to do it. He was the biggest of the clutch. And despite having gotten hurt the most out of all of them, he had healed up the best and come back stronger from each injury. He had began to train himself, and the two who were willing to fight as well. Each day they would wait for another episode to strike their lusus, deliberately putting themselves in danger to learn its movements and attacks, to dodge and weave, to find weak spots and blind spots.

They were doing surprisingly well in figuring out their lusus, discussing strategies and working out the perfect plan. Or so they thought. So far they hadn't taken to injuring their lusus yet, since they were still training with their weapons, trying to get a proper hang of them without hurting themselves. This whole thing, while grim, was looking pretty good from where they were standing. Not much longer until they would take out their lusus... not much longer and they would be safe... not much longer and they would be free... Truth be told, Etatio wanted to kill the lusus, not because he believed it was beyond saving or redemption. He felt for his lusus, more than he cared to admit. He felt bad for this creature, because he could feel what the creature did... there was so much empathy for it... he could feel the fear in it, the anger, the sadness... he had watched it cry at the death of his siblings, mourn that they were gone... he knew that his lusus wasn't doing it on purpose. There was something wrong with it and it needed help, but... but none of them could provide that... and if things continued like this, there would be none of them left. So he had to put an end to this... for his siblings... for Geelya...

She was the smallest and weakest of the survivors, but she was incredibly passionate about their little family. She would always take care of everybody, patch up their wounds, make sure there were warm meals for everybody and sing songs to cheer them up. She was so scared all the time, yet she never hesitated in her convictions, always saying that their lusus deserved to be helped and healed the same as the siblings deserved it. And as much as he hated to admit it, despite being so weak and fragile, the family needed her. They needed her moral compass, her compassion, her ability to heal them both physically and emotionally...

Etatio had noticed early on, that it was her fragility, which gave all of them strength, and despite being in a situation which favored the strongest survivor, she was worth keeping alive and well. On multiple occasions he had taken hits for her, taken on a new scar to protect her from worse, and every time she would scold him for it. Most of his wounds were there because of her, most of his comebacks and his healing and growing, were also because of her. A precious sister he came to cherish more and more, so much so that he knew he couldn't let things go on as they did. He had to protect Geelya and the others, he had to kill their lusus... and he had to do it as soon as possible.

Soon enough they were ready to take down their caretaker. Only a few more days, Etatio was sure of it. Only a few more days, they could hold out a few more days! Or so he thought... He was half asleep when an entirely unknown noise woke him. Metal against metal, an electric noise, the shaking of the walls... A drone? Voices? Their lusus screaming? What? What was happening? Etatio was the first to the scene, staring in disbelief as what he figured out were trolls in dark clothing and bigger than him stormed into their hive, attempting to tie down their lusus. Poachers, though Etatio didn't know at the time what they were. He only knew that they were doing something incredibly stupid. They had absolutely no idea how to handle the Multi Headed Shark Hydra! The only thing they were doing was agitating it, making it even more dangerous!

He yelled at them to stop, tried to tell them to run away, but they wouldn't listen to them. His siblings came running as well, but they were frozen in fear and confusion. The poachers yelled at each other to get the lusus under control, and to knock out the violets, might as well sell them while they were young and weak. What the fuck?! One of the poachers shot Etatio with a stun gun, watching him writhe on the floor, his other siblings soon to follow. Though as it turned out, this was a bad idea. The lusus saw this and went from angry to ballistic. Despite being as volatile as it was, it still cared about its grubs and watching them get hurt always brought it pain as well as anger. So now it fought for them, it fought to protect them, fought tooth and claw to stop the poachers.

Temporarily distracted, the poachers let go of the seadwellers and attempted to take care of the lusus. All hell broke loose. They tried to subdue it, after all it was worth so much more alive than it was dead, but no matter what they tried, they couldn't handle it. Some of them getting themselves lethally injured no less. It took the poachers roughly enough time for the siblings to be able to move again to decide that this wasn't going to work. Better to take it dead than not at all, and if the seadwellers died, it would be little to no loss, since there were 5 of them after all. Losing one or two wouldn't matter all that much as long as they managed to get anything at all. So they swapped their weapons, to their lethal counterparts.

Shots hit the lusus, aggravating it further, but not taking it down, some of them missing, more poachers dying, some fleeing in fear. In all this commotion Geelya had managed to crawl over to Etatio, worrying about him, because it looked like he had been zapped a lot more than the others. He had tried to put up a fight, even if he had failed. She slapped his face, trying to get him to come back, but he was barely conscious at that point, only coming back slowly. Geelya tried to drag him away from the battlefield, another of his siblings coming over to try and help. This entire thing was a mess, but there was still a chance! There was still a chance that they could all get out of this alive... probably not well, but at least alive! There was a chance!

Suddenly there was a sensation of gooey liquid on Etatio's face, and soon after a weight on his body. His ears became almost deafened at the roar his lusus gave in response. He was distraught... angry... sad... hurt... inconsolable, but most of all, it was losing its mind, rampaging even harder than before. It took Etatio a moment to make sense of what just happened. He was... he was covered in blood... Geelya's blood... She had collapsed on top of him. No, please... not her... anybody but her... he struggled to move, struggled to regain control of his body, struggled to hold Geelya in his arms, hug her, scream out in pain. Please be fine... please... PLEASE! He checked her breathing, her pulse, but... nothing... she was dead. No wonder their lusus was wreaking havoc on the poachers. It should have been him... He's the one who should have taken that shot, he would have gladly taken it for her... not her... she didn't... she didn't deserve it, she was the best of them... not her...

And with an urgency he had never experienced before, he felt like his heart race and his skin burn, his muscles tense. He stood up slowly amidst the chaos, putting Geelya down gently. And then? You don't remember what happened then... but your lusus told you. He watched as you roared and much like his caretaker, you became a monster, set on destroying the invaders. You lost all of your senses and tore apart each and every one of the poachers that was left standing, even the ones that had run away. Nobody survived you, nobody was able to stop you. Whatever weapons they shot at you, only managed to enrage you further, only managed to cement their demise further. You ripped them limb from limb, bit off their throats, despite being smaller than them, despite bleeding profusely, despite the broken bones you had... nothing was able to stop you. Not until everything was dead and destroyed and only then did you collapse

It took your lusus a couple of weeks to nurse you back to health with its limited resources and options, but you survived. It was almost as if you were too stubborn to die. You were the only one left now. All of your siblings had been taken out by the raid, and your home was now in shambles, but... you finally understood. You noticed that your lusus had become significantly more tame after the attack, and you figured that these were not the first poachers to attempt to get your caretaker. You figured that many, if not all of the episodes were probably partially their fault. You distinctly remembered sometimes catching your lusus nursing wounds, no matter how he had tried to hide it... and your throat was filled with rage yet again. Geelya had been right... their lusus was never evil... yes, it had its flaws, and it did do so many things to hurt them, but it had never intended to do that... and despite everything, even if his caretaker was dangerous in it's own way, even without outside influence... he wanted to take care of it, take care of the last family left to him. Honor Geelya in this way... and he would find ways to honor the others as well...