#estrapadingtrueblue

BZ: hey dude!! 

BZ: idk if ur in the mood to receive mezzagez but if u are in the mood to talk zhit with me about zileaz then i've got zome thingz to zay. BOY FUCKING HOWDY.

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] is offline -- 

ET: Not sure. 

ET: Elaborate.

BZ: ugh he'z juzt getting on my azz about hiz problemz with ruleuz?? like... 

BZ: they haven't rly been talking and u might've zeen him pop up on the feed earlier... and he waz talking to me but not rly zilly azz zo hiz azz got extra zilly and fuckin' came after me. 

BZ: and i'm juzt like bruh. i got nothing to do with ur zhit. 

 BZ: zo i gave him zome zazz and he tried hitting below the belt like what do u know about kizmezitude and i'm juzt... BITCH. don't even ztart.

ET: Sileas aint the best at handling any of his anything. 

ET: Not that I can talk.

BZ: dude fucking can't tho and he'z zuch an ignoramuz about it. like come on, at leazt have ZOME zelf awarenezz lmao...

ET: Mgh.

BZ: mgh!! 

BZ: hey... how are u holding up over there?

ET: Not really.

BZ: B( 

BZ: i know ur probably exhauzted when it comez to talking and i alzo know u probably don't want and/or don't think u zhould be getting any help but az ur obnoxiouz older brother i'm gonna azk if there'z anything i can do for you right now?

ET: No man. 

ET: I dont think there ever been anything anyone could have done for me. 

ET: Im just dealing with it.

BZ: you don't have to deal with it alone... 

BZ: and i don't want you to??

ET: Whatever. 

ET: Its done. 

ET: And Im done. 

ET: Dunno what I thought I was accomplishing except to fuck people over. I just do that. 

ET: Im not even trying.

BZ: i know ur not, dude... 

BZ: you've got a lot going on in your head, that much iz clear... and that'z gotta be difficult and fruztrating. 

BZ: noah fence but u bottle up zo much of it it'z like... no wonder u pop off. 

BZ: yeah zhit waz zaid and people are pizzed but it'z not actually done. u ztill have thingz ur holding in. 

BZ: we're all hyping up the whole family angle but that'z got nothing to do with it imo... we built a bond ourzelvez and that zhit meanz zomething. 

BZ: i'm never gonna judge you, joel.

ET: Sure. Okay. 

ET: Im cured. Its a miracle.

BZ: oh plz. 

BZ: it'z gonna take more than that to deflect me, bruh. 

BZ: i'm not here to try and cure u, i'm here to zupport u. zo can we cut the crap with the whole i'm gonna zhut u out to protect u and protect myzelf cuz it'z not gonna work!! my body and mind are both too zoft and zquizhy, they only abzorb the blowz. >8P

ET: I dont believe you.

BZ: try me!!

ET: Its not happening. 

ET: I dont have the focus for this. I barely even feel like. 

ET: Here.

ET: Anyway this is stupid.

BZ: fine don't try me. 

BZ: but i don't want to leave you alone with urzelf... 

BZ: u don't have to believe me but can u at leazt put up with me being in ur zpace? like if u don't want me to come over or anything can i zend you ztupid videoz and ztuff? that doezn't take much focuz.

ET: I guess. 

ET: Im probably dropping off at some point. Jsyk.

BZ: okay. 

BZ: well i'm alzo gonna keep bugging u. like every day henceforth. jzyk.

ET: You dont need that kind of rejection in your life. Trust me.

BZ: oof ow my zelf ezteemz hurt becuz joel never mezzaged me back... 

BZ: i don't care. >8P

BZ: maybe u think you're doing the right thing keeping me or anyone elze at a diztance but i want u in my life. and there'z nothing u can do about it!!

ET: Okay. 

ET: And when I fuck you over for being someone who gave a shit about me. Im just gonna be sorry you tried.

BZ: it'z pretty much a non-izzue lmao. 

BZ: nobody iz getting in the way of our buzinezz. not only cuz i'm ride or die but alzo cuz i ain't got no time for anybody'z drama. i juzt zhut it down. 

BZ: the zhrug emoji iz me. 

BZ: take zilly azz for example!! he wantz to come after me and make me feel bad about what i got with ruleuz?? fuck no. i'm not gonna lizten to it. and i'm not gonna lizten to anybody who thinkz their izzuez w/ u meanz i have to up and pick zidez.

ET: Sorry thats happening right now.

BZ: what, with zileaz? it'z whatever... 

BZ: i moztly juzt worry about rulez... but i'm pretty zure all thiz iz opening up important convoz between them zo... either they'll work it out or they won't. either way i'm here for my boy.

ET: Yeah.

BZ: hey jw, are u at home on odimizt rn?

ET: No.

BZ: o okay... i waz gonna azk about the weather lol. 

BZ: where are u?

ET: Out. 

ET: Doesnt matter.

BZ: but i wanna azk about the weather!! >80 

BZ: jk i don't give a zhit about weather in mozt other placez... i mean, i kinda do... odimizt'z zudden climate change iz juzt interezting for pretty zpecific reazonz like it'z impact on the ecozyztemz but uhhhhh. duh u know that. 

BZ: now i juzt wanna know cuz i'm nozy.

ET: Its cold.

BZ: u better be bundled... >80

ET: Im getting off the comm now.

BZ: okay... 

BZ: i'm leaving u a bunch of vidz of baby animalz for you to watch when you're back cuz i know u love that zhit. 

BZ: take it ez, alright jojo? and alzo go home.

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] ceased pestering biotechnicZeal [BZ] --

MAK: *mak just so happens to live around these parts. out in the thick of it is where he likes to be, and his occupation has garnered him enough income to own a fair amount of land to call his own. he's meandering around the shoddy wooden fence about his property that lines the dirt road when he serendipitously notices joel once again. twice in two days! shoot!*

MAK: *hops to sit on the fence, waving joel down.* g'day! fancy seein' you again so soon.

JOEL: *Either that's a good hop or it's a good fence, either way white tufted ears are angling in the direction of the voice. Joel squints.* ...Oh.

JOEL: Its you.

JOEL: Must be a fancy coincidence. *draws his tongue over the claw marks on his arm again. Wincing at the stings.*

MAK: *ears perk up in surprise when he notices the state joel's in.* damn, mate... you're lookin' rough. *flops over the side of the fence so he can approach him.*

JOEL: Its a street fight on Tuesday. What else is new. *stops to eyeball the approaching troll, frowning some more.* Im fine.

MAK: well you're walkin' and talkin' so i suppose ya could be worse!

MAK: but i got some bandages and some such on me if ya need it.

JOEL: Yeah. *What is he giving affirmation to? It's a mystery. He does break out another bottle of water to chug it.* Ill get it taken care of.

MAK: *scratches at his hair, confused but not put off.* alrighty.

MAK: say, mind if i walk with ya? *seems to be doing that anyway as he moves into step beside joel.*

JOEL: Do you mind? *grouches but his words don't have much of a real bite to them. He trudges through the dirt.* Yeah sure. Fine.

MAK: *chuckles a little and stuffs his hands into his pockets, shuffling along beside him. he has to shuffle because his legs are too deng long.* i bet the other guy looks way worse than you.

JOEL: *Deng those long legs though.* I dunno. He was pretty awful lookin before. I cant take credit for all that mess of a troll.

MAK: H A H A! *that tickles him*

MAK: in that case, he can only hope ya rearranged his face for the better, eh?

JOEL: Guess so. *side eyes Mak, wondering wtf he was thinking actually.* Rileys not my middle name for nothin.

JOEL: I dont suppose you relate.

MAK: huh? to which part? *lopsided grins at the side eyeing.*

JOEL: *Okay so he doesn't side eye him so much as gaze at him.* Doing people favors and rearrangin folks faces for the better.

MAK: *the grin REMAINS.* aw, hell. if the opportunity ever presented it i sure as shit would! *punches into his open palm*

JOEL: *Heck. That's kind of cute. Joel is reluctant to admit. He ambles his way up to some fallen log just off the path. Pops a squat and breaking out the bandages and disinfectant for his arm.* So much for expectin a scolding then.

MAK: *looks surprised* what's there to scold about? ya kicked a bloody fool's ass and walked away with only a few scratches! that's bad ass in my opinion.

MAK: i mean, i A S S U M E he had to comin'. i'll take your word for it. *snickers*

MAK: only thing worth scoldin' about is neglectin' to take care of yourself. but there ya go with it. *follows, rolling to sit in the grass beside him.*

JOEL: Im doing it now. Clearly Im not neglecting. *slathers the disinfectant, clenching his teeth for the stinging pain.* Also I didnt start it. I just finished it.

MAK: *chinhands with his elbows propped on his knees. he looks silly on account of the long legs again.* ah, that's how it's done then.

MAK: what'd he come after ya for, anyhow? if ya don't mind me askin'.

JOEL: *A ridiculous bandana leggy troll. Joel snorts.* He disappeared off the face of existance for like. What. A year? Probably more? He left my brother hanging as they were a quadrant thing.

JOEL: Anyway.

JOEL: He made his appearance on Avalon like its no big deal and of course I was obligated to rat the dumbass out.

JOEL: He had some fucking nerve lemme just say. Citrin didnt even know where the fuck he was.

JOEL: So he holds some hard feelings for the reprecussions following his involuntary flagging.

JOEL: Aint my problem if you ask me. *cleans the scratch marks* Im just taking the punches.

MAK: *low whistle* sounds like a real piece 'a work alright.

MAK: if ya can't take the heat, mister... don't be messin' with all the knobs and burners and shit!

JOEL: More or less my opinion about it. *starting to apply the gauze* Then he had the nerve to tell me not to bring Citrin into it.

MAK: what a W A N K E R.

MAK: he oughta be spendin' his time apologizin' to that brother of yours instead of pickin' fights! golly...

JOEL: *secures the gauze, admiring his handiwork a moment before dropping his arm to his side.*

JOEL: Its none of my business.

MAK: 'course not, mate... but if i was you, i'd be makin' it me business for sure! nobody messes with M Y B R O T H E R.

MAK: i mean, if i had one...

MAK: speakin' strictly hypothetical here.

JOEL: Thanks man. *sighs, poking at the swell of his face again.* Speaking of which. I cant imagine what Citrins gonna say about this.

JOEL: Truth be told. Hell be disappointed.

JOEL: And I wont blame him.

MAK: ah... *scratches at his face scruff* ya think so? he still interested in this bloke?

JOEL: Mh. I dont know. *looks off, his expression withdrawing a little bit.* Not that I can say anything about subjects of this nature.

MAK: matters of the heart, ya mean? cuz me neither... *rocks in place, looking up at the sky thoughtfully.*

JOEL: Its not fun. *brushes off his pants and resolves to stand. Also to change the subject.* You live around here?

MAK: *guess that means he's sproinging to his feet as well.* sure do! just a short ways that a way.

MAK: actually, most of this is my property... beyond the fence, that is.

JOEL: Surprisin I aint seen you much around before. *steps back as he sproings. Seems like the kind of force you don't want to be in the way of.* Ownin all this land. Working with the taskforce. Auryhn too.

MAK: guess our paths just weren't crossin' till now. life's funny that way.

JOEL: Maybe you just dont get out often enough. *crosses his arms over his chest*

MAK: the amount a' time i spend gettin' out suits me just fine, thanks. *snickers*

MAK: but if you're wantin' to see more of me, that should be easy enough to arrange.

JOEL: I dont know if its got to do with wanting to. *raises an eyebrow* It just so happens that I am all of a sudden. And Im takin note of it.

MAK: whatever you say, mate! *claps him on the shoulder.* i like hangin' out with ya too!

MAK: now that ya know where i'm residin', don't be a stranger.

JOEL: *Stares on with another squint. Why's he so... friendly. And handsy.* Oh I didnt realize. This what the kids call "hanging out".

MAK: *he grew up mostly alone, m8. he doesn't even KNOW what boundaries are.* what else would ya call it??

JOEL: Mmmmm. *seems to think about it* Hanging off my arm for whatever reason.

MAK: golly. there he goes with his suspicions again... ya don't keep the company of many folks, do ya cobber??

MAK: ain't nothin' peculliar about a couple of blokes shootin' the shit, is there?

JOEL: *Feels his insides die a little bit, judging by his face. He looks onward.* I guess there aint nothin peculiar about two dudes just.

JOEL: Shootin the shit I guess. As one does.

MAK: *HE SEES NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS.* yeah! you get it! *another shoulder pat for joel. congratulations.*

JOEL: *runs his hand down his face* Sounds familiar enough to run along with it I guess. How else do you make buds bro.

MAK: suppose i can think of other ways... me and auryhn like to tussle from time-to-time. that's a fun way to bond, eh? *looks thoughtful as he starts ambling back towards the road.*

JOEL: Yeah sure. Tusslin with your guy friends. Cant see me turning down a challenge. *He sure loves dying and being dead.*

MAK: *eyes emoji. he can tell joel is being sarcastic, but he figures he's just being a grump for no reason.* that's when we'll do next time, then!

JOEL: Alright. *deepest internal sigh about all of this* But dont go challengin me unannounced.

MAK: sure thing, mate! i wouldn't wanna get the drop on ya. i want a prepared opponent in tip top shape. *snickers, waving and crossing the road towards his fence.*

MAK: take it easy on your way back to... well, wherever you're headed.

JOEL: Thanks man. *kicks some dirt aside*

JOEL: ...

JOEL: Anyway. Bye. *and heads his way down the road.*

ET: Hey.

ET: I think Im obligated to talk to you after gettin brought out from quarantine and havin a talk with at least D Dad.

ET: But also Im not on Naiad or Odimist to do that on so. You dont have to worry about me makin an attempt at mauling.

ET: Or whatever the fuck it was that I did back there. Its hard to remember except for after it was done.

ET: I saw Finns face. I could tell what he was thinking.

TE: Oh... Nevermind him.

TE: I wasn't afraid of that.

TE: But I did wanna talk to you too.

ET: Easier said than done. But whatever.

ET: Im here.

TE: Well... Um...

TE: Reckon I ain't too prepared for this. I don't really know what to say.

TE: I only know that I've missed you a whole lot.

ET: I dont know either. But Ive missed you too.

ET: And Im fucking exhausted with my own bullshit. Its hard to figure out whats up or down but thats the one thing I know for sure.

ET: Im hells of tired.

TE: Yeah... I can relate.

TE: I don't wanna fight anymore, Joel...

ET: Im just dropping it.

TE: Are you sure? You don't wanna talk about anythin'?

ET: Im not sure.

ET: Last time we tried I bit you which... Im not sure what became of that. Except that I heard you spent the night in the hospital.

ET: Sorry but I confess that any feelings that drove me to pull something like that just.

ET: Like.

ET: Arent worth it.

TE: I suppose not...

TE: If it's any consolation, the bite wound seemed to have uh... healed on it's own?

TE: I was in the hospital cuz I crashed my truck. Tryin' to drive with all that weirdness goin' on in my head wasn't the wisest decision.

ET: I...

ET: Dont know how Im supposed to make sense of any of that topsy turvy bullshit. So Im not going to.

ET: Im just sorry.

TE: Er... Yeah. That's probably for the best.

TE: I only want things to be like the used to be. Or... that we can work towards that again.

ET: Honestly.

ET: I dont know if thats possible.

ET: I dont feel the same as anything I was before. I dont know if I could go back to being that person.

TE: Then I wanna rebuild somethin'.

TE: I want you in my life.

TE: I don't care what kinda person you are... You're still my brother.

ET: Not real sure where to start.

TE: I'm not sure either...

TE: But I'd like to hang out with you sometime. I guess that's somethin'.

ET: Mmmgh. Maybe well work our way up to that.

ET: Still kind of. Uh.

ET: Weird feeling about that.

TE: That's alright.

ET: Not really.

ET: But fine. Well deal.

TE: Yeah... We'll figure somethin' out. Just the fact that we're startin' any place is good enough for me.

ET: Yeah.

ET: For the record. Im on Avalon. In case you were wondering.

TE: Oh, yeah. I was.

TE: Are you stayin' with Mithun?

ET: For a lil while. Its in the middle of nowhere but uh.

ET: Still crowded in some respects.

TE: Whatcha mean?

ET: People stare a lot.

TE: Oh... Right...

TE: I get that.

ET: Its whatever.

TE: Yeah... It is what it is, I suppose.

TE: But for the time bein'... I think I'm gonna keep to myself until I'm used to... all this.

ET: All this super puberty. Gotcha.

TE: Oh geez.

ET: Its the only way to describe it dude.

ET: Increased appetite. Exponantial body hair. Weird body temp regulations.

ET: Weird... intrusive urges.

TE: ... God dang it.

TE: Do you ever wanna chase cars?

TE: Or eat bones?

TE: ... And then actually eat them?

ET: Its freaky and I dont like it.

ET: Do you ever want to rub your face in things that smell good?? People???

TE: All the time...

ET: I dont like it.

TE: Me neither...

ET: I used one of our windows as a door instead of the actual door.

TE: Oh my gosh.

TE: I keep sleepin' in Snarls' dog bed...

ET: Omfg.

ET: Do you consciously make that decision or do you just wind up there?

TE: Um... I guess it's a lil bit of both?

TE: It just feels right.

ET: Sleeping in your dog's bed feels right.

TE: ...

TE: Yes.

ET: Why not get a giant dog bed and make it yours. I know a website.

ET: Give you the link later.

TE: Oh geez.

TE: ... Ok.

ET: Hard to say no. I agree.

ET: Anyway...

ET: Ill let you get back to whatever you were doing before.

TE: Oh right. Ok.

TE: It was real nice talkin' with you again, Joel...

ET: Yeah. Same here.

ET: Seeya Colt.

TE: Take care.

JOEL: *He doesn't have to answer the door either. Joel is locked in his room, pretty much hiding from Rammie more than Colt. But he hears the knocking and sticks his head out of the window. Actually, physically climbing out onto the roof. The surrounding of Joel and Rammie's house is mostly greenhouse and with the humidity at an all time high, the windows are open. Bringing on a generous breeze.* Hey.

JOEL: Nobodys home dipstick.

COLT: *colt squinting (TM) as he looks around, before he steps back and traces to sound of joel's voice to the roof. * We need to talk.

JOEL: Whys that. *Doesn't move. If anything that would be convenient for Colt.*

COLT: Because this is gettin' out of hand.

JOEL: No shit it is. But hey.

JOEL: At least youre telling me this stuff to my face. And not lettin folks interfere for once.

COLT: *looks around. he can get up to the roof too... watch him. he just needs to get a good start... he's got enough adrenaline going he can pull a dumbass strider move and flash step off of a tree to launch him up onto the roof. naturally, he stumbles, but he manages to land looking moderately cool.*

COLT: I don't "let" people interfere... They can make the choice for themselves if they wanna get involved or not. *looms over him*

COLT: Can't really blame them... I know we're bein' obnoxious.

JOEL: Youre being fucking obnoxious. Im just responding. *squares himself up against Colt. Glaring.*

COLT: How? What am I doin'? *MAKES HIMSELF BIG. and he's only gotten much much bigger over the years.*

JOEL: Youre just??? *gestures wildly* Rubbing it in my face by now! FUCK.

JOEL: Yeah I KNOW you have nice happy family. I fucking KNOW you three are saints and aint never done anything wrong in your lives.

JOEL: Im just a little bit fed up with your perfect life achievements and MAYBE. Think you deserve to fuck off.

COLT: *he just... looks so tired.* When the hell did any of us claim to be perfect?

COLT: I'm sorry that I'm not completely goddamn miserable anymore. But just because I'm happy most of the time, that don't mean I can't mess up ever. I know I do. Just because I wanna live my life too instead of lettin' my short comings drag me down to that dark place again-- *shakes his head*

COLT: Joel.

COLT: I know that I hurt you.

COLT: I know you're perfectly entitled to hatin' me if you want to. But I don't... I don't understand why. Why wouldn't you wanna work somethin' out?

COLT: Why don't you just talk to me?

JOEL: *Where Colt looks tired, Joel continues to fume. Practically snarling.* Why wouldnt I?? When the shit have you acted like you deserve for me to forgive you. You dont.

JOEL: You went and cherry picked who you still wanted around and now you gotta fucking deal with it. Deal with *me* because unlike EVERYBODY FUCKING ELSE. They left you when the going got too tough.

JOEL: I would never.

JOEL: EVER.

JOEL: Have let you feel like you left me. I wouldnt have let ANYBODY put me in that position. Not Mithun not Zuserk not Rammie. But you left me to shit. Thats what you DID Colt.

COLT: *he fists clench and it feels hard to breathe with the thickness in the air. naturally, his eyes start to water with frustrated tears as he steadily boiling blood causes him to snap back.* I've always wanted you around! I never stopped wantin' you around!! I've been tryin' to include you in my life, but you decided for me whether or not I should. You act like I abandoned you...

COLT: But you never let me make any mistakes! Don't pretend like "loyalty" trumps everythin' else. You think bein' stoicly present despite all odds is the same as havin' a fuckin' relationship with somebody. Well, it's NOT. You shut me out long before Little and Finn went away back on Avalon.

COLT: I had a crisis back on GG's island... And then when I married Little I made a choice. And instead of talkin' me through it like they do when the goin' *actually* gets tough, you abandoned ME. You damned ME for being a FUCKIN' person.

COLT: I've never judged you in my life, Joel! I've loved you and supported you and I tried to take some of that weight you're always carryin' around but you never let me! You never let anybody but-- Goddammit, if it had been anyone why couldn't it have been me?

JOEL: Because I TRUSTED YOU. And you threw me under the fucking BUS. FUCK. *throws his arms up, having had enough of this thickness in the air. The hard of breathing and his own echoing hurt. Joel preforms a perfect backflip off the roof and lands in the gravel below. He starts to stomp for the yard.*

COLT: Don't you-- Come back here! *GREAT. he is NOT /that/ nimble... he has to clunkily descend by climbing down if he hopes to catch up to joel.*

COLT: I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU.

JOEL: *Nope. They're taking this shit outside. And it's true the air had gotten thicker. Joel had to blame it on the overgrowth and the ever changing weather. He breaks a sweat as he storms the whole way to the yard.*

JOEL: You broke my trust ONCE COLT. Why the FUCK would I wait around and wait for you to break it again???

COLT: *FOLLOWS when he finally gets to the ground.* Is that how it works now? You disown your family on account of one mistake?

COLT: Don't pretend like this is about trust! You're just fishin' for excuses to keep people out.

JOEL: So what??????? I will be-- UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *looks about ready to tear his hair out. The tears crawling straight out of his eyes as terror grips him.* I WILL BE FUCKING DAMNED IF YOU LEAVE ME TO BELIEVE THIS IS MY FAULT.

COLT: I DON'T think it's your fault! That's not what I'm tryin' to say...!

COLT: It ain't a matter of FAULT.

COLT: I know... I know you're just scared and hurtin' but I... I can't keep followin' at your heels tryin' to break down your walls. Dammit-- *runs a hand over his face and through his hair watching joel come apart like that, his own tears springing anew.*

COLT: I still have a life of my own... That don't mean I don't want you a part of it. I just... I don't know how to reach you. If you still want me in your life, you gotta meet me halfway sometimes. I can't read your mind, I can't--

COLT: I never wanted things to escalate like this. I just don't know what to do, Joel. Please... Let me fix this. Let me make up for it. Anything.

COLT: I'm beggin' you. *his voice cracks with desperation, feeling like he's officially at the end of his rope here. he doesn't want to lose his brother, but he feels so powerless. the atmosphere is suffocatingly tense... did it get darker out, too? even with a breeze picking up, a blanket of dread is snuffing out any hope for relief.*

JOEL: *His instincts are screaming for him to run. He hears what Colt said but it's the very opposite of what his mind is twisting the truth around to be. He says it's not a matter of fault but how the fuck did he know that? It might as well be and in this exact moment as the night seems to close in around Joel, every doubt and icy fear is surging up at him all at once. Choking him where he stood as Joe

JOEL: l practically fought for breath. It was happening again. These last three years were empty, void of any meaning and it was ALL HIS FAULT.*

JOEL: *And just like that, the ringing in his ears turn into snarls. The sounds seem to come from the woods, inside, all around. Joel feels his vision swim as he breathes too much of this thick, humidified air. It's a whim when he wills the choked feeling in his lungs to CHARGE with something. Something, anything, that will break this barrier around himself. His life.*

JOEL: *It's an act of the very same violence Joel was holding to himself when he turns on Colt. Lunging by some force of will that wasn't entirely his own. With great protruding fangs that seek to tear into any bit of Colt's flesh this fever-crazed Joel could reach, neither of them will even have time to notice the green colored taint of the mist around them.*

COLT: *there's no time to notice anything, or react. not that he would even think to. he knew joel could be violent and impulsive, but nothing could prepare him for the absolutely primal look in joel's eyes as he comes crashing over colt, knocking him to the ground with a powerful thud.*

COLT: *the sudden shock reverberating through his whole body, however, is dwarfed in comparison to the sharp, ripping pain where his neck meets his shoulder, only barely missing a very crucial vein. for a moment, all thoughts and instincts surrender to the feeling and he can only scream out in agony.*

COLT: *and then it gives way to something else, as if the pain is fueling him; it's not quite like an adrenaline rush, if anything, he has more clarity to deliberately grasp at joel's face and shoulder with digging nails... claws? to wrench him off, in spite of the way it hurts.*

JOEL: *The taste of blood has him pulling away faster than anything. Colt's terrified scream and the force it takes for him to shove him off has him recoiling. Joel's whole world is spiralling fast, his senses pressing down on him all at once. The sight, scents, sounds, tastes...*

JOEL: *He barrel rolls through the dirt, eyes blown by some feverish high as he springs to his feet just as quickly. His thoughts are too incoherent for him to try to make sense of his own survival instinct. But it's enough. In an instant, Joel is flashstepping off. Bolting for the woods in a hard run. Gone.*

IV: i need to talk to you

ET: Im sure you do.

ET: The fuck is this about?

IV: you said a lot of stuff last night

IV: your and colt's thing is your thing but

IV: what did i do to make you hate me so much

IV: it's fine that you do i'd just like to know why

ET: Not to sound sardonic but are you referring to recently? Or in general.

IV: let's do both

ET: Yeah cool. Because either one is relevant.

ET: Youre an idiot and I fucking hate seeing you make the same mistakes over and over again. Cuz for whatever reason you never learn from em.

ET: And somehow. It never fails but you always manage to make shit worse for you. Worse for everyone.

ET: Now theres a kid involved and we come back to the initial point.

ET: Youre an idiot.

IV: okay and you're always as vague as possible

IV: what same mistakes am i making exactly

ET: Why are we talking about this like it aint the most obvious shit in the world dude.

IV: because i don't know what the fuck i keep repeating

ET: You dont know how to take care of yourself so you take care of everyone else.

ET: You try but what the hell is the point??

ET: Youve never even liked you???????

ET: Real great example youre gettin ready to set onto someone whos got no way of formulating her own opinion about you.

ET: Its just the fucking worst reason to take in a little girl. To gratify all your own stupid fucking shortcomings.

ET: I hate it. And I hate you. End of story.

IV: that's a real nice story for someone you don't know anymore

IV: i mean i'd hate me too if any of that were true to who i am now

IV: what perspective are you looking from like 3-4 years ago

ET: I dont have to know you any more than you have to know me.

ET: Christ.

ET: Youre THAT predictable.

IV: i can admit i don't know who you are

IV: maybe i did when we were kids but people change and you changed and i changed

IV: i'm not fucking incompetent joel

ET: Still doesnt justify anything.

ET: Why you stayin with Colt huh? Do you not have a plan for her? You?

IV: i have a plan for her not being shoved around foster care like she would be if i hadn't taken her

ET: Thats your self righteous bullshit.

IV: so you're saying i should have left her but you would still hate me just as much wouldn't you

ET: Thats the general thing I was referencing to yes.

IV: because you see people as you want to see them regardless of anything else

IV: i'm finally at a place where i can admit that i've found a much better balance

IV: i can take care of other people and myself at the same time

IV: but you don't want to see that at all

IV: you want to hate me so you keep your reasons

IV: we were friends joel what the hell happened

ET: Whats a friendship if I aint ever been able to depend on you dude.

ET: You know what we talk about when we talk? You.

ET: Maybe Im fucking sick of it.

ET: Thats what the hell happened.

IV: then why didn't you tell me

ET: You didnt deserve to know.

IV: great

IV: perfect

IV: fuck

IV: look

IV: i know i was fucked up

IV: i know i was hurting other people when i was trying to be helpful

IV: like really hurting other people

IV: i have most of it under control now

ET: Well hey. Theres a point in your favor.

ET: Congratulations.

IV: do you know why i did what i did

IV: why i freaked out all the time at everyone and tried to do everything possible to make sure nothing bad happened to them

ET: No.

IV: are you going to let me tell you or will it be a waste of time

ET: Doesnt matter what I think.

IV: well it's not going to change the truth so let's give it a shot

ET: For fucks sake.

IV: ever since i can remember i couldn't stop thinking about everyone around me dying in horrible terrible but possibly preventable ways

IV: especially people i cared about

IV: i didn't want to think about it okay like

IV: but i could imagine it in my head all the time

IV: i found that there were certain items that i knew could help me in certain situations

IV: my backpack

IV: everything in my backpack i counted 3 times every day to make sure i had everything possible to do what i could to make sure no one else died

IV: it took over my life

IV: if i didn't have my backpack then i was too careless then all of those images would be right at the forefront of my mind again

IV: i remember being over at your place and the first time you got a cut all i could see was it getting infected and you dying

IV: it was awful i hated being so paranoid and neurotic all the fucking time

IV: i hated chasing you away

IV: and you're right yeah i hated who i was

IV: and it got to the point where i had somehow convinced myself i was the main problem

IV: i would lead everyone around me to their deaths because of how much my helping didn't actually help

IV: that's when the whole woods thing happened

IV: that's when i got diagnosed

IV: i got medication i got help i learned other methods to keep that stuff out of my head

IV: it didn't always work but

IV: surprise i'm sick

IV: officially fucked up

IV: and i'd like to think i've gone forward from then

IV: now you know

ET: Still dont see the point of you trying to level with me.

IV: if you want proof i'm not the same person

IV: ...

IV: fight me

ET: Bitch what.

IV: you've always wanted to

IV: i never let you

IV: so now i am

ET: Yeah okay.

ET: Time to fuck off Finn.

ET: Go home.

IV: i'm serious

ET: Yeah. So am I.

ET: This conversation never happened.

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] ceased pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 21:50 --

IV: no

IV: it doesn't work like that

ET: Maybe not to you. But listen.

ET: This isnt working out.

ET: You need to quit while youre ahead and figure whether any of this is actually fucking worth it. Because Ill tell you. Its not.

ET: Live your life and forget I ever expressed some disagreeable opinion about your choices.

IV: i can't forget and i'm not going to forget you or what you say

IV: because you were always family to me too

ET: Then thats your problem.

ET: Im done with you.

ET: Bye Finn.

IV: even if now it's like an estranged cousin that hates me

-- estrapadingTrueblue [ET] ceased pestering impenetrableVitality [IV] at 21:55 --

TE: Hey, Joel.

ET: What. Oh.

ET: Sup dude.

ET: Just got back.

TE: That's alright... Uh...

TE: I just have somethin' I need to tell you.

ET: Okay. Everything good?

ET: Havent seen from yall in a few weeks.

TE: Yeah... We're ok.

TE: We're just out on another job.

TE: I'm... uh...

TE: Not really sure how to tell you this, though. I thought I knew but I think I was bein' naive.

TE: So, I'll just say I went and done somethin' pretty spontaneous.

TE: ... A big somethin'.

TE: Me and Little got married.

TE: No big weddin' or nothin'... It was just the two of us.

ET: Spontaneous is one way to put it lol.

ET: Seems like something you would want to make a big deal out of.

ET: Or...

ET: ...

ET: Unless youre being serious for some reason.

TE: You know I wouldn't joke about that sorta thing...

ET: I dunno maybe you would?

TE: Well, I'm not...

ET: Why are you telling me now? Wheres like.

ET: Literally everybody else?

TE: It only just happened... So I'm only just tellin' people now.

TE: I wanted you to be one of the first people to know.

TE: ... But I know I shoulda said something before instead of after the fact.

ET: Its your choice dude. Your life.

ET: Therefore. Its cool.

TE: Is it?

ET: Its gotta be I reckon.

TE: So, it's not.

ET: You tell dads yet.

TE: No... Not yet.

ET: You ought to.

TE: I know... Reckon I'll message them next if I can get ahold of them.

ET: Shouldnt be hard. Theyre always around.

ET: Just a matter of doing it.

TE: ... Yeah.

TE: Joel, if you're upset with me, can you just tell me?

ET: Dunno dude. Thats a p important thing to relay.

ET: Ill have to think on it.

TE: Please don't be like that...

TE: We weren't tryin' to exclude anybody.

ET: But you did and it sucks.

ET: Sorry.

ET: This is stupid.

TE: No... I'm sorry.

ET: Its done C. Youre married now.

ET: Why tf you gonna be sorry enough to go back on that.

ET: Cant and you wont.

ET: Nobodys gonna ask you to jesus christ. Especially not me.

TE: I'm not apologizin' for that.

TE: I'm apologizin' for not considerin' how other people might wanna be included in that.

TE: I still would've wanted to do it the way we did... But I should've let people know.

ET: What else is gonna be done dude.

ET: Now. We just live with it.

TE: Yeah, except you're gonna keep bein' pissed cuz you'd rather be angry than admit you're hurt.

TE: You don't have to "just live with" that, you know.

TE: And I'm

TE: I watch you do this all the time and I'm just so terrified you're gonna push me away completely cuz I made a mistake and you don't wanna talk about it.

ET: Honestly whats the point. Actin like this shit wasnt a long time coming.

ET: You know I wouldnta done it to you right? But what the fresh hell am I talkin about.

ET: Maybe it was just a matter of waiting for the right foothold to come out and straight up say it. You dont got room for any of my bullshit. And I dont blame you.

ET: So Ill just do you a favor and give you your space man. Lord knows you need it.

TE: I

TE: I don't understand.

ET: Nothing else has got to be going through your goddamn mind Colt.

ET: You want your discretion? And you got it. Im not about to bug about it.

ET: You dont get to give me shit when I ask for mine.

TE: It's not about discretion... Yeah, we wanted privacy but it ain't a matter of keepin' anybody out.

TE: I know it's important to people and I appreciate that. I do care about that... And I'm sorry my decision makes you feel like I don't want you to be a part of my life or somethin'...

TE: But I do want you in my life. Of course I do. I'm tellin' you right now.

TE: And if I act ways that seem otherwise it's not intentional and I just wanna make up for it.

ET: Well tough luck bro. I aint here to give you that answer.

ET: But Im sure everyone else or like. Literally anybody else who isnt me might.

ET: Cuz I as far as Im concerned I might as well be anybody else.

TE: Joel... Please don't say that...

ET: I reiterate. This is really stupid and I dont know what you hoped to accomplish.

TE: ... You know what? You keep actin' like I'm the one who shut you out but you won't even try to listen to me.

TE: I'm trying to fix this.

TE: I guess it is stupid to think you'd wanna fix it too.

TE: I'm not tired of your "bullshit," Joel. There's never gonna be a time where I won't come running if you need me. There's nothing you can do that will make me stop loving you.

TE: But I'm just a person too. And I mess up. I don't think it's fair you get to assume you did something to make me wanna push you out of my business, while completely closing yourself off to any attempt at me trying to validate your feelings.

TE: So you can keep acting like I irreparably fucked up and that I don't get to care about how you're feeling, but it won't change the fact you're just running away from it.

TE: It doesn't help either of us.

TE: So I dunno what you're trying to accomplish either.

ET: Guess were done here then.

TE: I guess so.

ET: Lemme know if anything else comes up. Ill be around.

TE: Fine.