open: m
Based on this
Essie's tired. Tired of pretending she's fine when she's not. Tired of making plans with him while already anticipating the late phone call that's going to leave her all dressed up with nothing to do but nurse her own quiet disappointment and attempt to distract herself. Tired of attempting to hold up a two person relationship entirely on her own. She's tired. She's also tired of remembering 'before'. When they were each the most important thing in each other's lives and they spent all day in classes together and went home to continue the conversations they'd already been having before falling asleep on the phone together and waking up to repeat the cycle. This morning, she'd donned a cap and gown, smiled for her mother's camera and spent the entire 2 hour ceremony craning her neck to try and find the one person she'd been looking forward to sharing this with the most. And she hates herself for believing him when he'd sworn over and over again that he'd be there. Blames herself for the pit of bitter disappointment that's lodged itself in her throat. She's choked up as she gives her valedictorian's address but the mood in the room helps her pass it off as tears of joy tinged with overwhelming nostalgia.
It's hours later now, almost midnight. After a celebratory dinner with all her family and friends in attendance (minus one obvious one), she sees his name flash on her phone screen and almost lets the call go to voicemail but the borrowed courage from the champagne in her bloodstream moves her thumb for her.
"I know this wasn't the Grammys or the People's Choice Awards or any of the other things that take up your time nowadays but it's pretty much the most important thing that's happened in my life so far and I wish that that mattered to you." The undercurrent there is that she wishes she mattered to him but she stops herself from saying it. "I know you're probably calling to say congrats so...thank you, I guess, but...I'm sure you've got something better to do."
