#espressing

Not sure what is exactly going on. Maybe seasonal depression? I don't know.. I just feel like I am fight against myself all the time. I don't know if I am right and if I am, is it worth fighting for? I don't have a great way of expressing myself via voice and I feel like there is a blockage in my throat (no, I am not choking... lol) but there is something about me--I am scared to say things, things that aren't even bad are supposed to not be bad.. but all I do is stutter, can remember how the conversation went in my head before I started talking and then I just feel stupid.. and dumb and shut down.