For context, I just read a post by a user who is obviously a feminist. I’m not sure if they’ve outright come out and posted like yh I’m a feminist but you don’t really have to do that on tumblr. The discourse does that for you. But anyway this person was talking about progressive things that women were historically “allowed” to do in certain cultures. I’m not calling out this user or anything. I agree with their take. And the word “allowed” still rubbed me the wrong way.

ALLOWED

Women are ALLOWED to vote.

Women are ALLOWED to work.

Women are ALLOWED to have their own money, open bank accounts, own property.

Here’s some background for context:

I’m a late 20s menstruating human who is seriously considering oophorectomy and/or hysterectomy. It’s honestly a last resort because the side effects sound absolutely horrifying, but I don’t know how to go on like this.

I’ve tried a variety of pain medications

Ibuprofen 800mg,

sodium diclofenac both 75 and 150 and as suppositories, oral, shots (in my butt cheek T.T) and IV

Cocktails of voltaren + buscopan

Pamprin (this worked for a bit on its own which is honestly surprising now that I know it’s just beefed up paracetamol but yh it doesn’t work anymore and it makes me feel like shit)

Then I had to cocktail it with ibuprofen

Cocodamol (nothing feels shittier than this fella right here; its only benefit is that I didn’t have to eat to take it)

Tramadol (I honestly don’t remember how this went)

All that most of these have done is destroy the lining of my stomach.

Things I have not tried:

Any kind of contraceptive

Conceiving and/or delivering a child

Removing my reproductive organs

There’s a family history of endo and I have had ovarian cysts in the past (shout-out to my college roommate for taking me to the ER when one ruptured that one time) so I am by no means the paragon of perfect health but I’m like these can’t be my only options right???

My psychiatrist thinks I should get a lap done, but it doesn’t really make sense to me that I have to have surgery in order to be diagnosed. Like the expense! The trauma! For what? Like what is a diagnosis gonna do for me if these are still my only options???

Like I’ll admit that I’m a little ignorant when it comes to all the different BC options. But I feel like I don’t really need additional factors affecting my mental or cardiovascular health.

Sigh! I just feel like I’m at this impasse and I wanted to hear from people with actual lived experience and not from the people whose pockets get lined from pushing these surgeries and drugs.

Tl;dr what has been your experience with treating debilitating dysmenorrhea? Endo? Ovarian cysts? Chronic recurring reproductive pain?

Sincerely,

Twenty years later, my brain completely filters out the blaring cellphone ringing 5 feet away from me because I’m at a high action scene in the book I’m reading.

This type of existence is wearing me thin

I can’t tell you when was the last time I’ve known peace

I try and I try and I can’t seem to win

I am tired

I’m a fighter

I’m a flyer

I’m a bird with clipped wings