so, enjoyment in roleplay and the lack of it. yep, that’s what i’m going to discuss here tonight. it’s crazy right?? especially when we are all so keen to stress that roleplaying is in fact just a hobby and therefore should not add more pressure to the writers that partake in it - quite the contrary, honestly, it should lift some of the weight of the burdens we carry irl. now although some opinions might diverge on what can or cannot be written in rp ( and tbh that’s neither here nor there right now, not the point i’m trying to make here anyway, but i digress.... ) i believe it is safe to assume that, all in all, roleplaying should at the very least bring some fun to the writers involved. 

we often see praises that go along the lines of ‘oh my gwad, your [insert character here] is soooo canon! you write them sooo well!!’ and while that’s all fine and dandy, really there’s nothing wrong with saying that ( i’m guilty as i come, i usually say that when i really like a portrayal of a character so yeah, pot calling the kettle ) and obviously i’m not saying these comments are not sincere, it has just dawned me something, something pretty big for me.

i used to be so terrified of duplicates in the past - seriously, i’d softblock anyone who wrote the same charater as i did because i felt so damn insecure about my writing skills ( not to say that i don’t feel that way anymore, of course i do - i mean, we all do sometimes, it’s natural ) && overall characterization. i eventually grew out of that phase, thank the gods, and have had the greatest rp experiences with duplicates ( yaay! ) but try as i might to stop it.... every once in a while i still catch myself red handed whenever i compare my portayal to the one of a duplicate. i’m not so proud to admit that this makes me feel like shit, not much about my writing per se but the way i get into my characters heads that is.

today was one of those days, but something crossed my mind ( it might come off as silly and pretty obvious to some, but i honestly never thought of it in this light ) and it all felt different when i realised why i shouldn’t care about that. if roleplay is nothing but a hobby all about creativity, then why do we keep pressuring ourselves to cling to canon so damn badly??? sure it’s nice to play a character well enough to the point that your peers recognise not only your skill but your portrayal as a whole as something almost as good ( dare i say if not better in some cases ) as the canon source material - but is it really necessary?? not really.

i mean, even though we do share a common hobby and for it to work we kinda have to write with someone else ( otherwise that’s just pretty similar to writing fanfiction ), we shouldn’t have to put our enjoyment levels at the mercy of someone else’s approval or not??? i’m not sure if i’m expressing myself right here but - we really shouldn’t care about what people think of how we write or how we play a character, okay ???? it’s a fucking hobby, for fucks sake man, chill out bc no one here is going to win an oscar for playing a good tyler durden or edmond dantès or whatever ??? this is for fun and fun only, the rest is confetti.

so yeah, i legit cannot believe how long it took me to realise this but here i am and???? i’ve never felt so good with my writing because of this new mindset??? i mean, playing a character well and playing a character because you enjoy doing it are two different things that sadly are not always linked but that’s not going to be the end of the world here. all’s well as long as the writers are enjoying themselves. aiming to be the best [insert a character here] in the rpc is okay for some but it does rely heavily on the opinion and approval of others, which links a hobby - something that in theory you do for your own enjoyment and distraction - to something beyond yourself and subjective...and if i’m honest this does not suit me at all?? it’s not a competition, there are no winners or losers here. it’s supposed to be just plain good ole fun.