#erzaday

She had circles around her eye and her body was skinnier than it ever was. She still recognized herself, behind the dirt, the bruises and the bandages, but she still felt a sense of unfamiliarity. Her covered eye – or eye socket, to be more precise – was the thing that disturbed her the most. Her newest feature but also the saddest. She bit her lip with a trembling breath. Erza changed over the years, she wasn't the same girl who left Rosemary.

She tried not to think about it, tried to ignore it; but after a few minutes, she just couldn't anymore. It was true that her hair was... well, no. It wasn't pretty. The color stood out, yes, but all she saw was tangled, greasy, dirty hair. She took a lock with a defeating feeling. Touching it wasn't really pleasant either. Her eye watered up.

Maybe he was weirder than she thought he was... because she couldn't understand his reaction at all, now that she could see her hair.

She sniffed a little at the thought. She shouldn't think of him.

Erza wiped her eye and tried to remain calm, collected.

When she started to undress, her whole body ached. Almost every movement was painful. Skin on bones was everything she got; girls used to develop their breasts around her age back in Rosemary, but it looked like it would start later for her. She was 11 but still looked like her 9 years old self, she had just grown a few inches.

Time stopped on this island, it seemed.

It wasn't fair, she thought. How was she supposed to blend in the guild with such an appearance? The least she could do was look clean.

When Erza entered the bathtub after taking off her bandages, the water tortured her more than she thought it'd do. The master said a warm bath would help. It didn't. Apparently, people tended to lie to her a lot, recently. Who was she supposed to trust if even for such a simple thing, she'd receive false advice?

The water quickly changed color. She couldn't help but feel shame, even if she was alone here in the room.

She squeezed her eye.

She was alone here...

No, no, no– Don't think about it, her mind said.

She gently caressed her skin with the washcloth the master gave her. It hurt so much, even if she was careful about it. Some wounds didn't get the time to close and heal. She trembled, clenching her jaw. She probably deserved to suffer a little more, for them and everyone she couldn't save.

And with that, she started to sob.

What went wrong? Why did it have to end up this way? Did she take too long to reach him? Or was it bound to happen?

The guilt she felt was far worse than the pain any whip could give – she couldn't save her friends and Rob died, Simon got hurt and she left behind Sho and Milliana, even though she promised them they'd be together forever.

Never did she think she would feel hate toward him. A horrible thought reached her, just a question that sent shivers down her spine.

If he had died down there, would she be happier?

No, she couldn't think like that. What monster would think like that... or maybe she was?

She wondered if she was the one in the wrong. That question followed her since she woke up on that beach. She didn't seem able to sleep peacefully and Erza felt so, so, so tired... Oh, what would she give the world just to be able to return back in time. A funny thought, since she didn't know what she could have done more.

She must have done something wrong somehow.

She inhaled and held her breath, putting her head under water. She screamed as the pain struck, once again forgetting the missing element of her face, once again forgetting how easy it was to make her cry. The air left her lungs as she kept screaming. The bubbles kept tickling her skin. She wanted to drown more than breathe. She had to suffer a little more, so she could wash her hair.

She felt an arm pulling her out of the water and opened her eye with fear. She met the master's worried expression. "What are you doing? Are you trying to drown yourself?!"

Her face contorted as she sobbed. "I'm sorry– Please, don't scream at me," she begged between two coughs.

His face softened but she saw the sad look he gave her. "You're right, sorry for raising my voice. Would you be comfortable with me helping you out?"

She trembled at the thought but didn't say anything. Couldn't. He nodded knowingly, smiling at her. "Fine, but focus on your body. I'll help you with your hair later, okay?"

Erza watched him leave the room as she caught her breath. Grandpa's friend was as nice as he was...

She missed his warmth so much. Not really knowing whose.

She cried a little more before washing herself. As tired as she may feel, she had to do it. When she got out of the bath, she saw how the water had turned black. But her skin felt clean, a feeling she had missed, and Erza believed it was a good start. She carefully bandaged her wounds and put on the pretty dress the master bought her. The soft tissue didn't itch. She couldn't help but add her armor, it wasn't the most adequate accessory but she felt like she wouldn't be able to leave the room without it.

When she looked in the mirror, she saw a hurt, tired yet clean little girl. Her hair was shining, still wet, and for the first time in her life, she found it beautiful. It would be even more, once she'll wash it with soap. As she dried it with a towel, she almost cried again but didn't. She wasn't looking perfect, but okay was all she needed.

Erza was ready to face the world.

She joined the master in the living room after emptying the tub. He looked at her with surprise. "You didn't call me for your hair."

Erza shook her head. He stood from his couch. "Well, we should go back to the guild. You can have your guild mark."

She nodded. A pause. "It's Scarlet."

"Mh?"

"My last name. It's Scarlet, Erza Scarlet."

He smiled at her. "It's a pretty name."

She felt a little better. As if a weight was lifted from her shoulders. As if she could face anything now. The bath did help, in the end, it gave her something that her armor couldn't.

She looked at the others for the first time when she returned to the guild.