The nightmare date 

Chapter 17:

This appointment had been on the books before everything with Abbott went sideways. Before the rooftop. Before the rain. Before the way he looked at her like something had already shifted and neither of them knew how to stop it. Four days. Only four days, and it felt like a lifetime had wedged itself in between. Kit sat in her car for a second longer than necessary, hands still on the wheel, staring straight ahead like she could convince herself this was normal. This is normal. People go on dates, people move on.you have broken up with your ex-finance almost 8 months and need to move on and people don’t spiral over their boss who kissed them in a stairwell and then held them like that on a roof like it meant something. Her grip tightened slightly.This is the normal. Her job description calls for her to do this. She exhaled slowly. “It is time for you to go on,” she muttered under her breath. “Here is how you proceed.” The words felt rehearsed. Hollow. Still she opened the door and got out. The restaurant was warm. Low lighting. Comfortable enough that it should’ve settled her. It didn’t. She felt off before she even saw him. Like she had walked in already halfway out of it. Exhausted. Preoccupied. Not fully there.

Jimmy was already seated, standing when he saw her. “Hey—Kit, right?” “Yeah,” she smiled, polite. Easy. Automatic. “Hi.” He was… fine. Delightful enough. Clean-cut. Confident in a way that didn’t feel threatening. The kind of guy that made sense. And that was the problem.

At first, it was tolerable. Easy conversation. Work talk. Light teasing. “You’re a nurse, right? That’s… honestly, I love nurses,” Jimmy said, leaning forward like he meant it. “My mom was a nurse.”

There it was. Kit nodded. “Oh—yeah?” just waiting for his response “Yeah,” he smiled. “I just—have a lot of respect for it, you know? Take a certain kind of person.” The compliment sat weird. Too polished. Too… placed. “Thanks,” she said anyway. He kept going. Talking about how hard nurses work. How he “always admired them.” How he “gets along better with women like that.” It felt like he was reading off something. Like she was a type he had already decided she fit into. She smiled through it. “It’s okay… that’s okay…” she told herself quietly. This is what normal feels like. He never really asked about her, never getting to know who she is but just jumping straight into work. Which is definitely his whole personality. They start sharing story from work and the crazy call the only common thing they found so far telling a story or at least trying he kept interrupting her story and just telling another one of his never letting her finished but she letting it happen because she doesn’t know anything else to compare it too she only has been 3 first date and they were all kinda awful. I mean 2 of them were in high school and one in her freshman year of college. Whatever it would be, good experience if anything but then he brought up a call. “Actually,” Jimmy said, leaning back slightly, “I had this call the other night—total shitshow.” Kit’s attention sharpened despite herself. The first time she heard him say that he was the hero of the story and saved everyone. “Yeah?” He nodded and started spitting

 “Guy, mid-40s, OD. Real bad. Barely breathing. It was like 3 a.m. and the call came in a mess. The rig rattled over potholes. Lights flashing just enough to make everything feel tighter and I was getting thrown around on this  Let’s not fuck around, my partner muttered. We were moving fast and when we pulled up to the apartment door Stale smoke was coming out of the door and when we found him the Guy half off this blue couch and  He was unconscious when we showed up. And there were drugs all over the place and this guy was fat. Barely there. I was like Shit—he’s barely breathing. Yelling my partner to get stuff and I started bagging him I got the Narcan. I did one dose and nothing. So I did the second one which then the guy twitched and then gasped. But it wasn't enough. And he still wasn't getting good air and kept yelling Come on in the house and the family was looking to discuss and I kept adjusting the airway and kept checking my mask seal. But with the movement it was impossible so I decided to just load him up which it wasn't to move that man I will say… I mean… I don't know how someone gets that fat but that's beside the point. We finally loaded him. And we loaded in there fast which might have been my best work yet. By the time we hit the ER I was saying all the calls and directing everyone on what to do while telling people what was happening Overdose, unresponsive… the boring stuff. Hands everywhere And then this fucking asshole was question me. Why the hell is he sitting like that? The doctor that came in and had his panties in a twist, already pissed like immediately on my ass” Jimmy’s jaw tightened even in the retelling and shaking his head slightly. Kit asked “which doc was this” really curious who he dislikes this much “I think his name is abbott or something like that i dont really care to know his name” he said and Kit’s stomach dropped slightly. She already knew where this was going. “But whatever back in the trauma bay he was asking me, did you secure the airway? Like he big honchow We were bagging him— then he has the ball to say That’s not what I asked. I mean he was getting oxygen in his body, and i explained to him that he was breathing— but he cut me off and said No,He wasn’t breathing. He was dying. Which I think is over dramatic. He made it sound like I killed the guy or something, then he pushed me and tubed the guy and then said I got lucky And then he just went off, and he said that I don’t know what I’m doing” Jimmy exhaled hard, sitting back in his chair now. Kit’s fingers tightened slightly around her glass. Kit tilted her head slightly. “What do you mean?” He palmed face and dragged his hand down his face. “He starts going on about how I ‘missed it,’ how I ‘don’t get to miss that , air quoting. Like dude it was a mistake. It happens. He’s just so intense, I’ll give him that, he added. But like dude… relax and I told him that. I was like, hey, it was chaotic, we handled it, the guy lived” she could hear Abbott’s voice in her head, Clear as day.and him saying you don’t get to miss that to her  Kit blinked. “Wait, you actually said that to him?”

he shrugged “Yeah,Why wouldn’t I?” And he just looks at me and goes— You got lucky. So yeah—we kind of got into it. Jimmy let out a breath, shaking his head. Kit’s stomach dropped. “Like… an argument?” she asked carefully. Jimmy laughed. Oh no—full-on, back at the ER you don’t talk to me like that, then don’t give me a reason to.That’s bullshit,We did our job then he started yelling at me how I missed his airway, It was a split-second thing And that’s all it takes I shot back made more mad and he stepped closer like he was going to fight me or something he said and that’s all it takes, I actually scoffed then said You act like you’ve never made a mistake he said I don’t make that one, which i find hard to believe but i had to be a man and stepped forward too then told him You don’t get to talk down to me like that then he start yelling at me And you don’t get to walk in here thinking ‘good enough’ is acceptable and The room went still and no one was deafening me or helping me which is crazy because if someone talking to another person like that i would have stepped them and Defend them for making a mistake, so i called his out and said You’re an ass then he had the nerve to respond with 

Maybe, but he’s alive.” Jimmy shrugged. “So yeah,” he said. “Guy’s kind of a dick.” Kit stared at her drink for a second too long because she knew that version of Abbott her mind drifting thinking getting mad and she kind wanted it to see it and how it would be sexy then thinking how she should be thinking about that or thinking that mad abbott should be hot to her but then she snapped out of her day dream because jimmy started talking again “He didn’t have to come at me like that,” Jimmy added. “It was just a mistake.” Kit looked up and for the first time all night she was fully present. “It’s not just a mistake,” she said quietly. Jimmy blinked. “What?” She didn’t mean to say it, didn’t mean to defend him but it slipped out anyway. “If you miss an airway,” she continued, voice steady now, “that’s not small.”Jimmy frowned slightly. “I didn’t miss it—” but she interrupted “You did,” not harshly. Just… honest. Jimmy leaned back, looking at her with a scowled at with disdain “You sound like him.” Kit exhaled slowly, shaking her head slightly. “No,” she said. “I just… work with him.” He picked up his drink. “Yeah,” he muttered. “Well. Good luck with that.” and just like that the date was over not officially but in her head 

They finished their drinks and made it through the motions. The conversation became lighter now with she was happy about that. They walk toward the outside.which the air was cooler than she remembered. Jimmy walked her to her car.“Well,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, “we should do this again.” Kit nodded automatically. “Yeah…” He leaned in and she let him. Because that’s what you do, it was kinda expected on date to end it with a kiss i mean it’s normal. The kiss was… fine, forgettable. He asked “do you want to come back to mine” she was in shock that he asked that, not because she was expecting that he wouldn't ask because most guy expected to fuck on the first date but by how she the date went like does he think that went for him. “No I don't really do that on the first date” his face didn’t change he just said “ no i get it, i just thought since i payed for everything tonight” you looking him with disgust now “ well i would just like to get a return on my investment” she now scoffed at him for even say that. That he could say it like that. She took a big step back basically running into her car door “well you have your right hand for a reason” under breath the quickly saying “Goodnight,” strained coming from her. “Yeah,” Jimmy nodded. “Night.”

She opened her car door as fast as she could and got in her car and just sat there. In complete silence letting her anger fester Her hands gripping the steering wheel. White nucking it, let her head tipped back against the seat. “ what the actual fuck was that”  She let out a quiet, frustrated breath then screamed in her car to let all her anger out or what ever the fuck she is feeling. Because no matter how hard she tried but all men all the same she kept thinking but then she slowly started thinking that Abbott would have never done that. She couldn’t make herself feel anything close to what she felt with him and that was the problem. Her phone lit up, Gabbie intimately answered “Hel..”  She didn’t even make it through hello before the words started spilling out. “That was awful, I think that was the worst thing everlike genuinely, Gabbie, what the fuck was that?” Gabbie didn’t even try to interrupt, Kit just kept going. “He kept touching me like not even in a normal way just like… on my leg under the table, grabbing my hand like we were already something, and I didn’t even like him like that,” she ranted, her voice rising with every word. “And then when we were walking out he put his hand on my back like… like he had some right to do that, like it was already decided or something.” She tightened her grip on the steering wheel as she drove, eyes fixed on the road but not really seeing it. “And the kiss, oh my god don’t even get me started on the kiss,” she groaned. “That was the worst kiss I’ve ever had in my entire life. Too much teeth, too much tongue, like what are we doing? Pick a struggle.” Gabbie snorted quietly on the other end. “And I only did it because I felt obligated, which is so stupid,” Kit kept going, words tumbling over each other. “Like I got all dressed up, spent way too long figuring out what to wear, did my makeup for what? For that? For him to act like I owe him something because he paid for dinner?” She let out another frustrated breath. “And then he has the audacity to say he wants a ‘return on his investment’? I swear to god, I almost hit him with my car.” Gabbie cut in finally, dry “Please don’t commit vehicular manslaughter,” Kit huffed. “I’m considering it.” There was a pause just long enough for Gabbie to actually speak. “I’m sorry,” she said, softer now. “I didn’t think it was gonna go like that. He doesn’t act like that at work. Like… at all. Everyone likes him, he’s always been a really nice guy.” Kit scoffed. “Yeah, well, apparently not outside of work.” Kit to a breath letting Gabbie respond “I’m actually shocked,” Gabbie continued. “Like that’s not the vibe he gives off at all.” Kit leaned her head back slightly against the seat for a second at a red light, eyes closing briefly. “Well, the vibe was not it,” she muttered.Gabbie added, a little more teasing now, “Also… side note… Abbott is probably kinda hot when he’s mad.”

Kit rolled her eyes “What?” saying it with something weird behind it  “I’m just saying,” Gabbie laughed. “The way Jimmy described it? Intense, in control, calling people out…” Kit cut in quickly “Okay stop,” but there was no bite to it. “and you backed him up,” Gabbie continued, ignoring her. “Which is interesting.” Kit felt the muscle contracting from the frustration “I didn’t back him up,” she said, but it came out weaker than she wanted. “You literally told Jimmy he missed the airway.”  Kit shot back immediately. “Because he *did*,” Gabbie hummed. “Mmhm.” There was a pause then, quieter, almost under her breath, Kit muttered, “…I mean… yeah. He probably is.” Gabbie perked up “What was that?” she quickly responded “Nothing,” remarking “Keep talking.” Gabbie laughed. “Oh my god, no we’re circling back to that later.” Kit shook her head, pulling into her street now. “Gabbie…” she started, her voice shifting slightly. More serious. “Hey I… I need to talk to you in person.” That got her attention.

“…Okay,” Gabbie said slowly. “About what?” Kit hesitated for half a second. “It’s about work,” she said.

Not a lie but not the truth. “…What about work?” Gabbie pressed. Kit exhaled, pulling into her driveway.

“I just… I can’t do this over the phone,” she admitted. “I have too many thoughts and I can’t get them out right like this…Please come over,” she added, softer now. “I really need you.” There was no hesitation this time. “Yeah,” Gabbie said immediately. “I’ll come over.” kit trying to say “You don’t have to—” but Gabbie cut her off  “I’m already grabbing my keys, I’ll drive myself, it’s fine. Give me like twenty minutes.” Kit let out a small breath, tension easing just slightly. “Okay,” she said. “Thank you.” Gabbie replied “Of course,” further clarifying “Don’t spiral without me.” Kit huffed a quiet laugh. “No promises.”

By the time Gabbie got there, Kit was upstairs in her room, halfway through ripping herself out of the version of her that had gone on that date. Makeup half gone. Dress unzipped and hanging awkwardly off one shoulder. Hair messy from running her hands through it too many times and then up in a bun 

She heard the front door open. “Hello?” Gabbie called. “Upstairs!” Kit yelled back. She can hear footsteps coming up the stairs. The door swung open without a knock, Gabbie stepping in with a bag in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. “Emergency supplies,” she announced. Kit looked over to see the McDonald’s bag. “…Fries?” Gabbie confirmeding “Large and I almost got nuggets but I didn’t know how bad it was.” Kit stared at her for half a second “Oh my god, thank god you’re here,” she said, dropping her makeup wipe onto the dresser. “You are the best human in the world.” while smiling at her 

“I know,” Gabbie nodded, already kicking off her shoes. Ten minutes later, they were downstairs.

Wine poured, the fries spread across the coffee table like a sacred offering, both of them sitting on the floor, legs crossed, leaning into the couch. Kit took a sip of wine, then another, like she needed it just to start. “So,” Gabbie said, popping a fry into her mouth. “Tell me everything.” Kit opened her mouth then closed it. Then opened it again, this time deciding to work “Okay, so work has just been… a lot,” she started, immediately cringing at herself. Gabbie stared at her. “Don’t bullshit me.” Kit groaned, dropping her head into her hands. “I know, I know, okay,” she muttered. “I just didn’t know how to start it.” She sat up again, exhaling. “I can’t take it anymore,” she finally admitted . “I just have to tell someone.” Gabbie leaned forward slightly. “…Okay.” Kit hesitated.

Then it all came out.Not in a straight line. Not clean. It spilled, messy and tangled, the way it had been sitting in her chest this whole time. “The bar the night we went out for my birthday,” Kit started, already shaking her head a little like she couldn’t believe she was saying it out loud. “It was… different. I don’t know how to explain it. We were just talking and it felt easy. Like really easy. Like I’ve known him for years or something.” Gabbie leaned forward slightly, elbows on her knees. “Okay…” Kit added, “And the way he looked at me,” quieter now. “Not like normal. Not like how he looks at people at work. It was… softer? But also not? I don’t know, it just it felt like it meant something.” Gabbie’s brows lifted a little. “That’s already suspicious.” Kit huffed a small breath, almost laughing. “I know.” She grabbed her wine glass, taking a sip before continuing. “And then you know about the case where I had taken care of the SA victim” Gabbie nodded. “Well I ended up on the rooftop, and he came up and found me in a ball crying” she said, her voice dipping a little. “After everything with that patient… I lost it. Like completely. I didn’t even know I was up there until I was already crying.” Gabbie’s expression softened instantly. “Yeah…” Kit said, looking down at her hands now. “I didn’t even hear him come up. He just was there.”

Still a lot to think about that day but the thought of him softened it a little bit “And he didn’t say anything at first. Just… stayed. And then” she exhaled slowly, trying to find the words, “he pulled me into him. Like immediately. No hesitation. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.” Gabbie blinked. “Oh.” Kit nodded “Yeah,” almost helplessly. “And it wasn’t weird. It should’ve been weird but it wasn’t. I just went with it. Like I needed it or something.” added another blow “The way he held me…” she added more quietly. “It wasn’t just like comforting. It was… grounding. Like everything just stopped for a second.” Gabbie let out a slow breath. “Okay, that’s—” with this look that she is trying to retain all of this information she is throwing at her.  “I know,” Kit cut in quickly. “I know” She rubbed her hands over her face for a second before continuing. “And then the day I came in with the pizza something happened,” she said, her tone shifting again. “That was… different.” Gabbie tilted her head. “Different how?” She started explaining “He pulled me in there,” Kit also said “Like—checked first that no one was around, and then just—took my hand and brought me in.” Gabbie’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh my god.” kit shaking her head during this part  “And he apologized,” Kit went on. “Like actually apologized. Not in his usual way. Like real. Said he was out of line, that I was right to call him out.” then looking at gabbie like what the fuck am I telling you “And he was standing so close,” she added, voice quieter again. “Like way closer than he needed to be. And I didn’t move. I didn’t want to move.” Interminable pause

“And the touches…” Kit muttered, almost to herself now. “They shouldn’t have meant anything. Like his hand on my back in the ER, or brushing past me but it didn’t feel like nothing. It felt like… something.”

Gabbie nodded slowly, watching her carefully. “And then the flowers,” Kit added, letting out a small, disbelieving laugh. “He remembered what I said when I was talking to you I liked. I didn’t even think he was paying attention at the time.” Gabbie just let her finish before saying  “That’s insane,” while moving her hand to express it.  “Right?” Kit looked at her. “Like who does that?” Gabbie countering “Someone who’s paying attention,”  Kit swallowed slightly, her fingers tightening around her glass. “And the way he talks to me,” she went on. “It’s not the same as everyone else. It’s… softer sometimes. Or like—he’s choosing his words more carefully. But then other times he’s still… him. And it just it throws me off.”

She shook her head again. “And the way he looks at me…” she finished, her voice almost dropping off at the end. “It’s like he’s trying not to. Like he catches himself, but it’s already there.” Silence settled between them. Gabbie stared at her for a second longer. “…Yeah,” she said slowly. “No, that’s not in your head, right?” kit taking a big swig of her wine and finished her glass while pouring her a new glass 

And then “there was the night at my place” gabbie quickly shouted at her “he was here” Kit grunting and looked away before saying “ yeah and We uh… we kissed,” she admitted, her voice quieter now. “Like against the door. Right when we got inside.” while gesturing toward the front door. Gabbie’s eyes widened but she didn’t interrupt. “It wasn’t planned,” Kit rushed slightly. “It just happened. One second we were talking in the rain outside and then he was just there.” gabbie now be Impatient “ wait what… What do you mean you were in the rain” She shook her head a little, like she was still trying to understand it herself. “Well he found me walking home that night in the rain and then try to convince me to get into his car so he could drive me home but I kept saying no or I am fine but then he pulled over and got out of his car and walked me to my house and then I kinda… uh.. Just blow up at him, trying to make sense of what was happening and then i was crying in his arms again then he told me that we have to go inside and that how he ended up here and then I kissed him ” Gabbie in disbelieve now “that a fucking A movie scene that you just said and wait did I hear you correctly that you made the first move” then quickly adding “go for you to make the first move, you badass” that made kit chuckle a little bit “yeah I know and it wasn’t like a quick thing either,” she added. “It was… a lot. Like neither of us really wanted to pull away.” then kit looked at Gabbie with a face “Then Dana knocked,” she said, letting out a breath that almost turned into a laugh. “Of course she did. Worst timing of my life.” Gabbie let out a quiet “oh my god.” Kit continued “I thought that was it, and I thought he was going to leave, everything was going to snap back to normal. But I—” she hesitated, then pushed through it, “I asked him to stay.”

Gabbie looked at Kit with googleeyes “You did?” Kit admitted softly. “I couldn’t be alone, Not after that shift. Not after that little girl. I just… I couldn’t do it, which seems so pathetic of me” Her voice dipped, more vulnerable now.“No, not at all I don't think I could either, so I dont blame you but wait I am sorry, he stayed.” Kit quickly responded to explain herself  “We didn’t do anything. We just… went to bed. Like actually just sleeping. Same bed, but nothing else.” She let out a slow breath, staring down at her hands.“And it felt… safe,” she said. “Which is probably the worst part.” then looking at gabbie like she was going to break “But when I woke up, he was gone,” she finished. “Like he’d never been there. No note, nothing. Just… gone.” That one lingered because somehow that part stuck the most.

“I think I’m—” she stopped herself, shaking her head. “No—I know I’m starting to fall for him.” The words landed heavy between them. “But I can’t,” she added quickly. “He’s my boss. He would never cross that line, and even if he did, it would ruin everything.” Her voice softened. “And I’ve been trying to move on,” she admitted. “That’s why I went on the date. But the entire time it wasn’t going well, all I could think about was him.” She let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know what to do, Gabbie.” Dead air then  “…Yeah,” Gabbie said slowly and Kit nictitated “Yeah… Yeah,” she repeated. “That tracks.” Kit stared at her. “That’s all you have to say?” Gabbie shrugged slightly. “I mean… from the outside? It’s kind of obvious.” I know Kit was just more confused from her response “What?” Kit sat up straighter. “No, it’s not.” Gabbie gave her a look. “The way he looks at you?” she said. “The way you look at him? The way he follows you around without realizing it? Yeah it’s not subtle.” A wave of nausea hits her while she is hearing all of this “And the flowers?” Gabbie added. “Please.” Kit groaned, grabbing a handful of fries just to have something to do. “Don’t say that,” she muttered. “I’m just telling you what it looks like,” Gabbie shrugged. “And honestly? I get it.” Kit glanced up. “ I just don't want to get my hope up for them to get destroyed” her lips tightening together “Yeah, I understand that” Gabbie said simply. “ But he's intense, he’s good at what he does, he actually cares, and he treats you differently. That’s… kind of a dangerous combination.” Kit let out a breath, tension easing just slightly. “Okay, so I’m not insane.” Gabbie shook her head.“No, you’re absolutely not insane.” Kit laughed quietly. “Good.” Then Gabbie tilted her head slightly. “…What’s Dana going to think?” Kit froze looking at her, immediately shaking her head. “No. Absolutely not.” Gabbie questions her “You’re not going to tell her?” Kit said firmly “No, I don’t even want to think about that.” Gabbie simply added “Why?” Kit is now getting stress again feeling her body get the shivers “Because she’ll analyze everything,” Kit said quickly. “She’ll watch every interaction, every look, every little thing and then she’ll start interrogating him and me and I just no. I can’t do that.” Gabbie nodded slowly. “Fair.” before she stuff her face with fries that are almost cold because we have been talking for so long. “And I don’t even know how she’d look at me after,” Kit added, quieter now. “Or him. Or both of us.” Kit leaned back against the couch, exhaling. “…I feel better,” she admitted. Gabbie smiled slightly. “Yeah?” Kit nodded “Yeah, I thought I was going insane.” She laughed at that statement. “You were,” Gabbie teased lightly. “Just not about this.” Kit rolled her eyes and gave her a stinker face but smiled anyway. “And now,” she added, glancing at her, “I have you.” Gabbie raised her glass. “You do.” Kit clinked hers against it. “And you’ll be able to see it,” Kit said. “At work. Without me having to explain everything.” Gabbie smirked. “Oh, I will absolutely be watching.” looking at her while slanting her head “Don’t make it weird please.” but gabbie crossed her arm “No promises.” Kit laughed. And for the first time all night everything was off her chest.

Frozen moment melting

Chapter 16:

The door barely opened an inch more before seeing that Dana was there. Close enough that Kit could see every detail, the concern already written all over her face, the way her eyes softened instantly the second they landed on her. And god… that look. That look Dana always had. The one that made everything in Kit want to fold. For a second, Kit just… stood there. One shoulder tucked behind the door. One hand still pressed flat against Abbott’s chest behind it hidden, but not gone. Like she couldn’t quite bring herself to let go of him yet. Like if she did, the whole moment would disappear too fast. She rested her forehead against the edge of the door, eyes slipping shut for half a second as she took a slow breath in. Trying to get her body back under control. Trying to not look like she had just been… Yeah that. When she opened her eyes again, Dana was still looking at her. Still soft. Still worried. “Kit…” she said gently, voice dropping into that tone. The one that always felt like home and pressure at the same time. “Why are you wet? And why haven’t you changed out of your clothes?” Kit blinked looking down.

She was still soaked. Clothes clinging to her skin, hair damp and messy, the cold finally catching up now that she wasn’t moving anymore. The only thing missing were her shoes, abandoned somewhere near the entry. “Oh baby…” Dana’s voice softened even more, her hand lifting slightly like she wanted to reach for her but didn’t. “You look so tired.” Kit swallowed. Then she pushed the door open just a little more, enough to make it look normal. Enough to make it not suspicious. Never enough to let Dana see behind it, to see him. She stepped more fully into the doorway instead, blocking the view without making it obvious. Giving Dana space, but not access. “I walked home,” Kit said, her voice quieter now. “I couldn’t drive my truck the way I am right now.” Dana’s brows pulled together immediately in concern deepening. Her eyes flicked past Kit just glancing at all of Kit's surroundings and landed on something behind her. Kit followed the glance. Shit it was Abbott’s shirt on the floor in, in its own little puddle. Her stomach dropped, but she didn’t let it show. Didn’t give Dana the second to think about it. “Hey—” Kit cut in quickly, a little too fast, stepping slightly more into the frame of the door. “I’m just… really tired, Aunt Dana.” The word aunt softened it. Something i havent used in a while since being back and working with her. “I was about to head to bed.” Dana’s eyes came back to her face. Searching always searching and there was a pause, a quiet one. The kind where Dana didn’t push but felt everything anyway. Her gaze softened again, something deeper moving through it now. Something unspoken.

In the way her eyes held Kit’s, in the silent question: *Do you want to talk about it?* *About what happened tonight?* Kit felt it hit straight in her chest, her throat tightened. She shook her head slightly, almost apologetic. “Hey… I don’t think I can do it tonight,” she said, voice a little shakier now. “It’s just—too much right now.” A breath trying to keep it all together “I just need to figure out how to breathe again.” Dana exhaled softly and simply nodded immediately. “Okay, okay,” she said gently. “I get it. I understand.” Another beat. “But we should talk about this later. Okay?” Kit nodded. “Of course,” she said, softer now. “Goodnight. I love you.” A small pause. “Please get home safe. I’ll call you in the morning.” Dana smiled faintly then leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Kit’s cheek.“Goodnight, baby.” and then she turned. Walking back toward her car, disappearing into the quiet street, leaving Kit standing there in the doorway caught between two worlds.

 The second the car door shut in the distance, Kit closed her own. Slow closing the door with one hand on the knob. The other slid down the seam of the door like she needed to feel it close. Like she needed the separation, the second it clicked she turned. There he was still standing exactly where she left him, shirtless and watching her. The weight of it hit her all over again. And she let out a quiet, disbelieving huff of a laugh under her breath, shaking her head. Like What the hell just happened? Abbott smirked right back at her, equal parts disbelief and something else. “I’m glad you can find some humor about this,” he said dryly. Kit’s eyes dropped to the floor between them to see the small puddle of water that had formed. Where they had been standing. Where they had been doing a lot more than standing. “Well,” she muttered, “that’s a story for one day for sure.” She looked back up at him, watching for his reaction. Something flickered across his face, amusement, Something softer. He didn’t quite let it show all the way. “Well,” she added, stepping away from the door, giving him space. space now, “I guess life is always keeping me on my toes.” He nodded once then shifted slightly, like he didn’t know what to do with his body anymore. What to do with this. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Seems like it.” letting the air still fizzle. “I’ll get out of your space,” he added, voice softer now. Awkward in a way she had never seen from him before. “Head out.” He moved toward his shirt. Her chest spiked, fast, immediate. Her hand shot out before she could think. Stopping him. Her fingers brushing his wrist just enough to pause him.

“Hey—” That’s all she had, just that. He looked at her immediately, he was trying to read her. To Diagnose her, waiting. She swallowed, mind blank, feeling her pulse coming through her skin racing way too fast. “I would really like it if you stayed.” The words came out before she could stop them. Immediately she second-guessed it… God, that sounded desperate. He hesitated, still half-bent toward his shirt, eyes on her, searching once again. “Hey… I don’t know,” he said slowly. “I… I don’t overstay. I don’t know if that would be okay.” And something in her chest tightened in panic as she was scaring him off how she was being too much too overbearing. “Hey—I don’t think I can be alone right now.” It slipped out, Quieter. That changed everything. His expression softened instantly, something in him shifting. His shoulder dropped. The walls, lowering. “Okay,” he said, gentler now. “Yeah.” Her hand moved up without thinking, pushing damp hair back behind her ear, a nervous habit. “Thank you,” she whispered, it coming out small. Almost like she was embarrassed by how much she meant it. He didn’t say anything back right away. He just looked at her. Taking in the exhaustion in the wet clothes. The way she was barely holding it together. He stepped closer, not too close like before but close enough that she wasn’t alone anymore.

The stairs felt quieter than everything that had just happened. Kit didn’t think she just reached for his hand. Not dramatic. Not lingering. Just led him up. Her room felt different, smaller somehow or maybe it was just because he was in it. Kit moved without really thinking, crossing to her dresser like muscle memory had taken over. Drawers opening, closing hands pulling out whatever felt right without actually seeing it. Jack stayed by the doorway at first.Leaning back against it, watching. Not in a way that felt invasive but in a way that felt… focused. Like he was trying to understand something he hadn’t seen before. the version of her not under fluorescent lights and pressure and chaos. The way she moved. She didn’t even realize she was moving. He was trying to memorize it. Trying to engrave into his head so remember this later when he was lonely and sad thinking about his he didn't always feel that way. She pulled out a pair of old sweatpants—soft, worn, clearly lived in and turned toward him still in the doorway, handing them to him. She gestured vaguely, still a little scattered, “bathroom’s right there.”

He nodded once then disappeared inside. The second the door shut, the room exhaled. Kit stood there for a second, then moved again pulling her own clothes out, fingers slightly clumsy now. Her body was catching up. The exhaustion of it all  Inside the bathroom, Jack sat down for a second before moving.

Boots first, them being heavy and wet. He pulled them off slowly, jaw tightening slightly as the motion pulled through his leg—through the familiar ache that never really went away. The pants' cold fabric peeling away from his skin. He exhaled when he was finally free of it. Like he hadn’t realized how much it had been weighing on him. The sweatpants were softer than he expected, he pulled them on, slower now more aware of every movement. By the time he was done, the room felt quieter.

jack quietly open the door not scare her but he opened it a little too soon but kit doesn't notice or chose not to notice as she pulled off her wet sport bra her bare being exposed to him and only in her underwear as she pulls over her head an oversized shirt that is a dress covering It fell past her hips swallowing her whole and everything that he just saw of her. Jack stepped back instantly. Heart kicking a little harder than it should. Hand tightening slightly on the door. “Hey ,” he cleared his throat lightly, knocking against the frame now like he had just arrived.  She turned. Not saying anything like nothing had happened. A small, tired smile pulled at her lips as she ran brush through her hair, trying to work out the knots the rain had left behind. He didn’t know what to do with himself. So he did something simple. He grabbed his clothes then hers. So he has something to do and the movement crossing the space between them. She looked up. “Oh—thank you.” she doesn't even let the chance of jack rebuttal before she takes it from him. Her hand brushing his as she took them. Let her hand linger.  The space between them, In the way neither of them acknowledged it. While he was looking down at her. She didn’t give him time to say anything, didn’t give herself time either. She just turned and walked out and going down the hall and putting the clothes into the dryer. Taking that min to take a breath because unknowing was holding his breath. The hallway felt colder. Kit shoved the clothes into the dryer, hands moving on autopilot as the machine started humming softly. She just stopped, one hand resting against the top of it. She closed her eyes for a second then pushed off heading back. When she walked back into the room, she closed the door behind her. Like she was sealing something in or out she wasn’t sure. Jack was sitting on the bed. Shoulders slightly forward, his hands resting on his thigh. She saw the tension in the way he was holding himself. The way his leg  “Does it hurt?” The question came out before she could stop it. He looked up at her. Just long enough for her to see it, Yeah it did. But he didn’t say it. Just gave her a small, tight smile instead. The kind that said don’t make it a thing. Then he looked back down like that was enough. Kit didn’t push. Didn’t call him on it. She just watched. As he reached down, pulled at the fabric of the sweatpants, without ceremony removing the prosthetic. Setting it carefully beside the bed, like it was nothing. She looked away not because she hadn’t seen it before.

She had, in a space filled with people, in moments that weren’t— This was different. Silence stretched, she let it sit giving him the space.Giving herself the space. Until he looked back up.

She moved slowly around the room, pulling the curtains down one by one as she got closer to the door. The outside world vanished, and shadows began to spread throughout the room until it was completely dark. The streetlights gradually faded away. As she climbed into the bed, she continued to be cautious about her stitches. Observing that the mattress experienced a slight dip as a result of her weight.The silence that was gradually settling in around them. It was impossible for her to stop thinking about it. The door, his hands, and the way everything had shrunk down to just them, as if the rest of the world had been pushed out completely were all examples of this. She wished she could go back in time to that very instant before the knock made its appearance. The harshness of the situation had begun to sink in. She allowed her eyes to close, and as she lay there in the darkness and silence of her room, she was unable to see anything other than the face of the Silhouettes. Her mind began to fill in the blanks without her permission. What would have happened if they hadn't been stopped? Would he have changed his mind? Is it possible that she would have? If one of them had given in and said something about how it was a terrible idea, about how he was her boss, about Dana, or about how they both knew the lines between them were already too thin, would they have reconsidered their decision? Do you think they would have continued? Without a doubt, would it have led here... Is it not the same? That they are more intimate, warmer, and less... uncertain. When she considered the fact that she did not know the answer, she felt a slight tightening in her chest. Perhaps this was the most unfortunate aspect of what could have happened. After a brief pause, the silence between them returned. Simply brimming with things that neither of them were expressing. Kit lay there, where she was close enough to feel the warmth of him, with her hand lightly resting against his chest and her thumb moving slowly back and forth without thinking. She was looking for something to concentrate on when she lay there. His breathing was consistent while he was under her hand. recognizable in a manner that it ought not to have been. The movement of his hand was initially hesitant, but it eventually became confident and settled gently in her hair. His fingers would thread through the damp strands of her hair or slide down her arm in slow, absent strokes. Both of them made no attempt to look at one another. Kit took a gentle swallow, her eyes tracing nothing in the darkness as she did so. This was not how she had envisioned her evening coming to a close. She had never in her life considered that something like this would actually take place. It felt like something she would have made up in her head, some improbable version of events that she would have discarded before allowing herself to believe it could be real.

Abbott looked up at the ceiling, his jaw was clenched, and his mind was going in circles, which he was unable to completely shut off. He was unable to completely shut off his thoughts. This had been something that he had thought about. When he finally reached that point, his breaking point, he doubted himself more than he ought to have about what it would be like to finally reach that point. He wondered more than he should have. How the steps would feel and what they would be like to undertake. As soon as he became aware of it, he came to the realization that it was not what he had anticipated or what he desired to take place because she was not simply... This wasn't so bad after all... A slight tightening of his chest was observed. Due to the fact that she was vulnerable, exhausted, and cracked open in a manner that he had seen earlier in the evening, the very last thing that he desired was for this... for them... to take place. He had witnessed this earlier in the evening. Given that she was not in good health, she required something that was essential for her. He did not intend to take advantage of the fact that he was an escape because he did not want to give himself away. Instead of further blurring that line, which was already blurry, he did not want to do so. He was not interested in doing so. While every part of him had wanted to do it earlier and could still want to do it, despite the fact that he had wanted to do it. As he slowly exhaled, his hand continued to rest against her. This allowed him to establish his foundation in the decision that he had made. In light of the fact that he was in possession of the ability to stop, he would not engage in the activity in question. Even if it resulted in him suffering a demise of sorts. After some time, she was unable to speak because of the silence that surrounded her. In the course of his time spent staring at the ceiling and contemplating everything that was going on in the world

Kit stirred first. Something felt different. Her body shifted slightly, her eyes blinking open in the dark as she rolled onto her other side. The room was still dim from the single light from her alarm clock, still quiet. Her gaze landed on the clock, only a couple hours had passed. Two maybe a little more, it didn’t feel like it. She frowned slightly, still half-asleep, then turned back instinctively to reaching for him, looking for him. The bed was empty, she stilled, blinking for her eyes to adjust again. Trying to make sense of it. But yeah, he was gone, no more warmth from him. Just Empty and the cold of the ghost of him and where he was. She pushed herself up slightly, scanning the room and then she saw it. The pants his pants that he was just in folded neatly at the end of the bed. He had taken the time in no rush out of this place like he had thought about it. Kit sat there for a second. The quiet louder now in the  room his warmth persists and remains. The moment gone, left behind and somehow that felt worse.

chapter 15 part 4: "Kit." While his shirt is being slowly pulled up, you are letting your finger drag across his stomach, and you can feel him shrinking in response to your touch. After that, you are observing him as he lifts it over his head, and when it finally looks at you in a menacing manner, its eyes have darkened, and its head is tilted toward you as if he is going to ravage her. He lowered himself slightly and took a deep breath before grabbing the back of your legs and lifting her up to him. Her legs were rapping around him, and she was straddling his waist. Your hand felt his bare arm, and then it moved to his strong back. Slowly, he moved in order to ensnare her against the wall. When his mouth makes contact with your neck, he gets her sweet spot, and she rolls her eyes and hips as a result of the intense sensation you are experiencing. He brought his hand up to his jaw, and it was steady there. He tilted her head just a little bit, which gave him better access and better control. She is gradually letting out a moaning sound with her breaths. The more he presses his hand against her skin, the more she reacts to him in order to make her feel better. His hand becomes more tightly wrapped around her jaw, and he begins to raise the volume of his humming. She moved her hands over him without thinking, without grasping him, without having any need to feel him in any way. Everything became more constrained.

chapter 15 part 3:

The rain blurred everything. The street, the lights, him and her. Kit felt the water and tears mixing together, running down her face, slipping past her lips, her jaw, her neck. She didn’t wipe them away.

Didn’t try because for once she wasn’t trying to control it. “I don’t—” her voice broke, breath catching hard in her chest. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.” Her hands came up, pressing against her own ribs like she could hold herself together. “I was never like this,” she said, shaking her head, almost disbelieving herself. “I had it together. I knew how to do this. I knew how to be—” Put together. Her laugh cracked. “And now I don’t even recognize myself.” Her eyes flicked up to him, bloodshot, glassy, completely lost. “It’s been six months and everything just keeps—” she gestured helplessly, “falling apart. And I keep trying to fix it and I can’t—” Her breath hitched again. “I can’t fix it.” Dr. Jack Abbott showed restraint, he just stood there—listening. Let her get it out. Letting her fall apart in a way she clearly hadn’t let herself do in a long time because he knew that look. He had worn it. Too many times. He saw it, that moment the shift in her eyes, confusion turning into something softer, something emptier. Like she had hit the edge of it. The point where she didn’t have anything left to hold onto. He moves in  closer , giving her time to stop him. She accepted him, so he reached for her. The second she crossed that invisible line he pulled her in his chest and wrapped his arm around her, Like if he let go, she’d disappear. If he didn’t hold her together, she wouldn’t stay standing. Her body folded into him like she had been holding herself up for too long. The weight of it—the tension, the fight, the control—just… dropped. He guided them down without thinking, back hitting the wet banister, pulling her with him so she didn’t take the impact. Her face pressed into his chest as the sobs hit, hard, angry, desperate. The kind that tear out of you whether you want them to or not. Abbott’s grip tightened instinctively, one hand at the back of her head, the other wrapped firm around her back, holding her there. Shielding her from everything he could.  His heart was breaking. Not because she was fragile or that she needed fixing. But because he knew exactly what this felt like, that loss of control and the moment where everything catches up at once. Where the walls don’t hold anymore. He had been there on rooftops In the dark alone so many times , has been past the railing looking down ready to jump but still has never done it. He doesn't know why because he is still trying to hold it together until he can't. “Hey…” he murmured, quieter now, his hand moving slowly through her soaked hair. Not rushing her, just there with a steady presence. They stayed like that longer than either of them realized. Rain is still falling, and the city is still moving around them but none of it mattered. He felt her start to shake, not from crying anymore from the cold that had been sitting in.  His hand stilled slightly, then resumed, softer. “Hey…” He leaned down just enough, voice low near her ear. “Where are your keys?” she pulled out of this tight grip just enough to look up at him  “We need to go inside. We can’t stay out here all night.” she slowly nodded reluctantly. Her face is still wet, still flushed but different now. She reached into her pocket with slightly shaky hands and handed him the keys. He gently took them. He stood first, pulling her up with him, most of her weight still leaning into him. They went up the stairs slowly, one of his arms still being around her so she could be tucked in and warm. When they got to her door she just watched him. He didn’t hesitate or even fumble. Like he had done this before or he already knew. The door unlocked.

Chapter 15:

Rain fell in steady sheets on the pavement, transforming the parking lot of the hospital into a haze of reflected lights and distorted shapes. The rain that did not come and go remained heavy and unrelenting throughout the entire day. Just as if it had something to demonstrate. Kit did not expend any effort to wait it out. In a direct manner, she walked into it. There is no umbrella. There was no jacket covering her head, and there was nothing to make it more comfortable. Instantaneously, the cold engulfed her, penetrating her clothing, her hair, and her skin, which was abrasive and unforgiving. She didn't even flinch, though. The only thing that she could think about was getting into the car and trying to drive it in order to get her mind to work. She was unable to really think about anything that was going on. She simply continued walking, and the rain did not pick up speed; rather, it continued to pour steadily. Rather than slowing down, she sped up, and she didn't mind it because it was the first time in the entire day that she could possibly feel something. It's not the young lady. On the stretcher, her body appeared to be in a horrible state. The way that it kept transforming into Amelia each time she blinked was not acceptable. The weight that had been sitting in her chest and had not moved since the sirens had sounded at all. All that is rain... Acute, genuine, and present. As she walked through the shallow puddles, her eyes remained fixed on the ground as she watched the ripples shape themselves in response to each drop of water. Not because she was walking or because of the cold, but because her breathing was heavy. To put it simply, everything was heavy.

They were observing the rain from a secluded corner outside of the ambulance bay where they were hiding. This was not in the plan. It does not exist. This is simply the location that they found themselves in when the shift became too heavy to carry inside. As a result of the rain, the city lights made the skyline appear less distinct. In this location, the noise from the emergency room was so far away and muffled that it was almost as if it did not exist at all. Abbott was leaning against the wall, with his head tilted towards the back of the room. Robby was standing next to him, but not too close. There is never any crowding. Just... up there. Abbott did not look at him as he asked, "How is she doing in the operating room?" after a brief pause. "Didn't know," he responded. "They were able to get her up. By the time they left, vitals were still holding. With his eyes still fixed on the city, Robby gave a single nod. The phrase "that's something" At the same time, Abbott quietly huffed out another beat while running his hand over the back of his neck. "Something," he stated once more. Once more, there was a prolonged period of silence, and then Robby spoke quietly. "You did a good job within that." After a brief pause, Abbott let out a breath that was almost a laugh but was not quite. He mumbled, "Yeah," and then added, "Didn't feel like it right now." Robby gave him a quick glance. When it's a child, it never happens. The muscles in Abbott's jaw contracted slightly, and his eyes shifted downward to the street below. After a brief pause, he proceeded to say, "I saw it in her face." Robby did not inquire as to what he meant because he was already aware of it. Abbott responded by shaking his head and interrupting himself by saying, "She kept looking at that girl like—" "As if she recognised her." An extremely slight change occurred in Robby's expression. "Yeah, that little girl is the same age as Amelia and looked like her too," Robby said after taking a moment to catch his breath. "Dana and I were talking about it because she was even shaken a little bit," Robby continued. Through his nose, Abbott exhaled his breath. It's true. The silence continued, but this time it was more profound because they were both aware of what it meant.

chapter 15 part 2:

Abbott laughed short, dry, defensive. “I’m not doing this with you.” Robby looked at him, “Yeah, you are.” Another pause, longer this time, He could walk away, he should but he didn’t. Abbott stared out at the city again, voice lower now. “…She looked at me like she thought I couldn’t fix it.” Robby didn’t interrupt, didn’t soften it, just let him say it. “And I couldn’t,” Abbott added, quieter. “That’s what’s bothering you?” Abbott shook his head immediately. “No,” he said, then “…Yeah” take a breath “And more.” Robby waited because he knew there was more. Abbott exhaled slowly. “I shouldn’t care this much,” he said finally, there it was. Robby’s expression didn’t change. “About your nurses?” Abbott let out a humorless huff. “You know that’s not what I mean.” Robby nodded once “Yeah,” he said. “I do.” The air shifted. “She’s good,” Abbott said, like he was trying to convince himself. “She’s—she’s really fucking good.”

Robby looks at before saying “I know.” Abbott is too in his head to recognize anything he says. “And she’s—” he stopped, jaw tightening. Robby raised an eyebrow slightly. “She’s what?” Abbott hesitated, which is new to Robby. “…She still cares,” he said finally. Almost like it cost him something to admit it. Robby softened just a fraction. “Yeah.” Abbott shook his head, frustrated now. “Most people lose that,” he added. “They stop seeing it after a while. They stop—feeling it like that.” Robby nodded. “Because it’s easier.” Abbott looked at him again. “I don’t want that to happen to her.”... “she can’t lose it” There it is. Robby held his gaze. “It will,” he said gently. “Unless she leaves.” Abbott’s chest tightened slightly. He didn’t like that answer. “And if she stays?” he asked. Robby didn’t hesitate. “Then she learns how to carry it.” Then Robby looked at Abbott with truthful eyes “Same way you did.” Abbott scoffed quietly. “Yeah. Look how that turned out.” Robby smiled faintly. “Yeah,” he said. “You’re a real mess.” That pulled the smallest breath of a laugh out of Abbott, Just enough. Then Robby added, softer now “You’re not worried about her losing her humanity… You’re worried about what happens when she does.” Abbott didn’t respond, didn't need to because that was exactly it. The rain picked up again light, steady, tapping against the metal railing. Neither of them moved, “You’re in trouble,” Robby said finally, too casually. Abbott rolled his eyes immediately. “Shut up.” Robby just smiled slightly. “Yeah,” he said.

“You are.” and for once Abbott didn’t argue.

Dr. Jack Abbott sat in his car, engine idling. He had just left Robby. Just finishing that crazy fucking conversation in an ass backward way he admitted to robby he feel something toward kit. And he still can't get his mind off the conversation and more importantly her. He was already halfway pulling out when something caught his eye. This person walking in the rain and being soaked to the bone. His brow furrowed slightly, eyes scanning and then he saw her, walking alone, in the rain. Something in his chest dropped. “Jesus…” before he could think about it, he was already moving. His car rolled up beside her, tires hissing against the wet pavement. “Kit—” She didn’t look up, didn’t even slow. He leaned across the seat, pushing the door open slightly. “Get in the car.” Nothing, just the sound of rain. “Kit,” he tried again, sharper now. “Get in.” She shook her head, barely. Still walking. “It’s fine.” Her voice was quiet, flat, distant, not fine. He let the car idle forward beside her, matching her pace now. “No, it’s not fine,” he shot back, frustration bleeding through. “You’re soaked. You’re going to get sick.” She looked at him shaking her head,  “I don’t care.” still walking. The words were wrong. “I do,” he said, faster this time. “Get in the damn car.” She let out a small breath, almost a laugh, but not really. “I just need to walk.” There was something in the way she said it that made him pause. Not her being stubborn or defiant but just… tired she was from everything, Bone-deep. He tried again anyway.“It’s not safe,” he pushed. “It’s late. It’s raining. Dana would kill me if I let you walk home like this.” That got the smallest reaction second guessing her choice—a flicker But she still shook her head. “I’m fine.” and then she waved him off, dismissive and final. Like if she stopped walking even for a second everything would catch up to her. He gripped the steering wheel tighter. Now white knuckling it and the it creaking under his hands while watching her for another second, then two. Then exhaled sharply. “Fine.” and drove off. Kit didn’t look back, didn’t check, just kept walking. Counting her steps. Watching the puddles. Letting the rain blur everything just enough that she didn’t have to think. Didn’t have to feel, didn’t have to. She turned the corner and stopped because he was there. Standing on the sidewalk in the rain. No jacket over his head, no car. no cover Just… there. Waiting getting soaked Looking at her like he hadn’t left at all. “What are you doing?” she asked immediately, breath catching slightly. “You don’t— you don’t need to do this.” She stepped closer, shaking her head, already unraveling a little. “You don’t need to take care of me, I’m fine, I live like five minutes from here, I’ll be okay, I don’t need—” Her voice started picking up pace. Tripping over itself. “—you don’t need to be all… whatever this is, I’m not a kid, I don’t need—” He didn’t interrupt, didn’t argue, didn’t push. He just stared at her with something in his expression to stop her rambling. Because he looked… Not frustrated or annoyed, not even stubborn. Simply… weary, gentle, crumpled, and slightly fractured She trailed off slowly, her words catching in her throat. He still looks at her with those deep brown eyes “Is it okay if I walk with you?” He asked, sounding like he about to fall apart 

That was it. No augmenting just them heaving breathing and rain drops coming down, heavy in a way that made it hard to breathe. Kit stared at him in disbelief. Rain dripped from her hair, down her face, mixing with something else she refused to acknowledge because she didn’t understand what he was doing. Why was he here? Why did he look like that? Like this mattered. Like she mattered. She didn’t answer, couldn’t. So instead she turned and started walking again. He took that as a yes. The silence between them wasn’t empty. It was loud. Filled with everything they weren’t saying. Their steps fell into rhythm without trying. Close but not touching, a careful distance. One that felt intentional,  too intentional. The rain came down harder now, bouncing off the pavement, off their shoulders, filling the space between them with white noise. Cars passed occasionally, tires slicing through puddles with a sharp whoosh. But neither of them reacted, neither of them spoke. Kit was hyper-aware of how close he was or the way his shoulder brushed just barely within reach. Her body felt like it was vibrating under her skin and not from the cold from him. Abbott, he didn’t know what to do with this, how to fix it, to make it better. All he knew was he couldn't leave her like that. They reached her street too fast and Kit was already climbing the steps to her townhouse, pausing at the top before turning back toward him. Seeing him just standing there in the rain having a war with himself.  She snapped after seeing him like this “Why?” The word came out sharper than she meant it to. “Just—why are you doing this?” Her hands came up, frustrated, overwhelmed, everything spilling out at once. “Why me? What is this? Why are you soaked right now—because of me?” Her voice cracked slightly. “Why did you even come this way? I know you don’t live over here.” Her breathing was uneven now. “Do I look that broken to you? Like I need—saving or something?” She laughed, but it wasn’t real. “Because I don’t. I don’t need that. I don’t need you to—” She cut herself off, shaking her head then walked down to the last step of her porch right in front of him, But it didn’t stop talking, rambling, whatever she was doing, she couldn’t.

“Why are you like this right now—and then tomorrow you’ll go right back to being cold? Like nothing ever happened? Like I imagined all of it?” Her voice got quieter. More frantic. “I feel like I’m in a fucking movie right now just—rambling to you like this and I can’t even—” She dragged a hand through her hair, breath catching. “I can’t even get one thought out straight.” Then there was silence, not the rain , and the cars are still passing by and life of the city is still moving and the only thing she can focus on is her chest rising and falling too fast. Abbott didn’t move right away, didn’t shut her down. Once he thought it was ok he stepped closer just one step, careful and measured. “Kit…” Her name came out softer than anything she had ever heard from him. Him bring a not a doctor or her boss just Him. him putting one hand out and putting on her cheek for a breath. “You don’t look broken.” accepting the challenge  “You look like someone who had a really fucking hard day.” Her breath hitched. “And I’m not—” he exhaled, shaking his head slightly, searching for words he clearly wasn’t used to saying out loud. “I’m not trying to fix you.” Another step closer. “I just didn’t want you to be alone.” That struck with greater force than any other words he might have chosen because that’s exactly what she had been trying to be, alone.

Another day shift that everyone is talk way to much and people are still coming 

Chapter 14:

Kit should’ve known the second she walked in that it wasn’t going to be a normal shift. She really should’ve because nothing about the ER ever stayed normal for long. It is the first day back since you got hurt and you should probably be back soon but you hate sitting at home and doing nothing . She stepped through the ambulance bay doors with Summer beside her, both of them juggling coffee carriers and bags of pastries, the early morning air still clinging to them. “For the record,” Summer muttered, shifting the tray in her hands, “this is above and beyond.” Kit laughed lightly. “You say that every time.” summer just rebutted “Because every time I mean it.” They barely made it three steps inside before chaos hit. “Kit—are those for us?” people say from all around you “Oh my god is that coffee—” a different voice so fast that I can't recognize some of them  “Don’t you dare take all the muffins—” Hands were everywhere. People swarming, grabbing, and stealing, Kit barely had time to laugh before half of what she was holding was gone. “Hey—hey!” she tried, smiling anyway. “There’s more—relax! At least bring it to the break room”  Dr. Abbott appeared like he always did, out of nowhere but somehow exactly where he needed to be, already reaching for one of the coffee cups like he belonged in the middle of it. “Tell me there’s more in the car,” he said, glancing down at what little was left in her hands. Kit huffed out a laugh. “There is much more in the car.” He directed his body and arms for you to lead the way to go outside “Good,” he nodded, already turning. “Let’s go.” you said. They walked back out together, Summer trailing behind them, the early morning quieter out here—just the hum of engines and distant voices. Kit popped the tailgate of her truck, revealing the rest of it.

Boxes. Bags. Way too much. The back of the truck was packed to the brim, pastries stacked in uneven piles, coffee carriers wedged between everything like a disaster waiting to happen if someone slammed the tailgate too hard. Abbott stopped for half a second when he saw it. Actually stopped, Brows lifting slightly, a quiet huff of amusement slipping out of him. “Woah,” he said, taking it in, eyes dragging over the truck before flicking back to her. “I didn’t know this was your beauty.” Then, a beat… “Who knew you drove the prettiest truck in Pitt.” Kit lit up immediately and got gitty, It was instant, unfiltered. Her hand came up without thinking, resting against the side of it like she was grounding herself to it—like she always did. Like she was proud. Which she was. “Oh yeah,” she said easily, a small grin pulling at her lips. “That’s my little side project.” She glanced at it, then back at him. “I fixed her up myself. While I was home one summer before I moved to New York.” Abbott’s eyebrow lifted just slightly higher. He stepped a little closer now, not even pretending he wasn’t curious, eyes tracing over the details—the paint, the wear, the little things most people wouldn’t notice. “You fixed it up yourself?” he repeated. Kit nodded, shrugging one shoulder like it wasn’t a big deal—even though it was. “Yeah. It took the whole summer. My brother helped a little, but…” she smirked, “mostly me.” She gave the side of the truck a small pat. “She’s my baby.” Something in his expression shifted. Subtle, barely there but it was enough. Like he was thinking about something too hard… something he didn’t want to say out loud. “Didn’t picture that,” he muttered, almost under his breath. Kit caught it anyway, of course she did. She turned her head slightly, watching him now, a small smirk tugging at her lips. “What,” she said, tilting her head just a little, “you thought I drove something boring?” He glanced at her again and this time it lingered a second longer. “No,” he said, quieter now. Softer. “Not boring.” The way he said it didn't feel like he was talking about the truck anymore. Summer clapped her hands once, loud enough to cut straight through it.

“Okay!” she said brightly. “I’m going to head back to the coffee shop if you got this covered.” Kit blinked, snapping out of it like she’d been caught somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be. “Yeah,” she said quickly. “I think we got it from here. Thanks again.” Abbott nodded, stepping back slightly, but not fully. “Seriously—thank you,” he added, more genuine than usual, bringing his hands together in a mock prayer. “You’re a lifesaver.” Summer grinned, clearly enjoying this way too much. “I will remember that next time I’m in trouble, Dr. Abbott.” Then she turned to Kit, pulling her into a quick hug but not before leaning in just enough to whisper “I’m watching this.”and then winked. Kit immediately smacked her arm. “Oh my god—go.” Summer laughed, already walking away, leaving Kit standing there, way too aware of him still right beside her.

They grabbed the rest together, carrying everything back inside and the whole time he kept glancing at her. Not obvious but enough that she noticed and it lingered under her skin. By the time everything was dropped off in the break room, the chaos had settled into something manageable again. Abbott went off to finish up his round before going home and Kit was heading to put down her stuff. She barely made it to her locker and didn't even get the door fully open before she was yanked, hard. “What the—” losing her balance and almost falling and the stairwell door slammed behind her. She looked up and there was Gabbie. Breathing heavy, eyes wide, looking like she had been waiting. “What the hell was that for?” Kit snapped, pulling her arm back. Gabbie didn’t answer right away, just stared at her. “What the hell is going on between you and Abbott?” Kit blinked. “What?” Silence then “I truly don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kit said, slower this time. “There is nothing going on.” Gabbie gave her a *bitch, please* look. “Come on,” she said, crossing her arm across her chest. “You cannot hide that from me anymore.”

Kit frowned. “Hide what?” Gabbie stepped closer and lowered her voice so know one else will hear her 

“Okay. I watched him follow you home one night after work .” Kit froze. Kit knew nothing about this but Gabbie kept going.“He lives in the complete opposite direction, Kit.” Her stomach dropped. “And I was not the only one who saw the way he put his hand on your back at the bar?” Gabbie continued. “You think that was subtle? Because it wasn’t.” More aggressive now her heart started beating faster. “And today? The way he immediately followed you out to your car?” A beat and another one  “And don’t even get me started on the flowers.” Kit’s head snapped up. “What— did Dana tell you that she think it was him?” Gabbie cut in. “yeah Dana has been asking me all about it this last week, You thought no one was going to notice that?” Silence. “And ALSO—” Gabbie added, eyes narrowing, “you didn’t tell me you swiped on him on Hinge??” you get whiplash from all the caught off guard moments. “Oh my god— who told you” kit mind racing now because everything is getting thrown in your face “How could you not tell me that?” Kit just stood there, speechless because she had pushed all of it away to never think about it too deeply and now. She is thinking about every single piece, the park, the ambulance bay, the bar, the rooftop, the flowers, the stairwell, the special treatment and small touches. She hadn’t let herself think about it. Now it was all right here. “Gabbie,” she said finally, shaking her head slightly. “I truly don’t know anything.” She meant that, in a way. “I think he’s just… being nice.” Gabbie stared at her like she was insane. “Nice?” Kit nodded quickly, clinging to it. “Yeah. He’s probably only like that because Dana would literally kill him if he did anything to me.” That part at least felt safe. “And Robby’s the same way,” she added. “So I don’t think it’s anything.” Gabbie didn’t look convinced at all. Kit reached out, patting her shoulder lightly. “I will have you over tonight we will talk everything ok” then making sure she takes this and stops talking about it right now  “Trust me,” she said softer. “If anything was going on… I will tell you.” A beat. “I promise.” Gabbie searched her face then finally exhaled. “…Okay.” uncrossing her arms and Kit nodded once. “Good. Now let’s go back to work before someone actually notices we disappeared.” She grabbed the door handle and pulled it open. To only have both of them walk back into the noise of the ER. But it didn’t go away, the feeling of awareness because the rest of the day she felt eyes on her. Glances, People noticing. 

Later, somewhere in the middle of the shift, when things finally slowed just enough to breathe, Kit found herself leaning against the nurses’ station beside Javadi. It wasn’t a real break. It never was, just a pause between patients. Between chaos. Javadi was pretending to chart, pen hovering over the screen more than actually typing, her focus clearly somewhere else. “…So what do I do?” she finally asked, glancing over. Kit looked at her, already knowing exactly where this was going. “About Mateo?” Javadi sighed, dropping her head back slightly. “Yeah.” There was a beat, “He’s on nights now,” she added, quieter. “We barely even see each other anymore and when we do it’s like… five seconds in passing.” She frowned. “And I don’t know if I’m supposed to say something or just… leave it.” Kit shifted her weight, thinking. “You don’t leave it,” she said simply. Javadi blinked. “That fast?” Kit shrugged lightly. “Yeah. If you like him, you don’t just let it disappear because your schedules suck.” Javadi studied her. “Okay… so what do I do then?” Kit huffed a small laugh, glancing down at the counter. “Make it intentional,” she said. “Text him. Ask him to grab food after your shift one day. Or coffee before his. It doesn’t have to be a big thing—just… don’t let it turn into nothing because it’s easier.” Javadi nodded slowly, taking that in. “…You’re really good at this,” she said after a second. Kit paused “What?”, Javadi tilted her head slightly, a small smile pulling at her lips. “Like… advice. Reading people. All of it.” A beat. Then, teasing just slightly—“You probably had, like, a lot of boyfriends or something.” That made Kit let out a quiet breath. Not quite a laugh, Something softer. “…Not exactly,” she said. Javadi’s expression shifted immediately, the teasing dropping as she realized she might’ve stepped into something. “I mean sorry, I didn’t—” I cut her off. She doesn't spiral “It’s fine,” in a gentle tone, shaking her head. There was a small pause. Then, without really planning to, she added “I had one.” Javadi stayed quiet, listening.

“He just…” Kit shrugged, trying to keep it light even if it didn’t fully land. “I thought I was supposed to fit into this version of his life. Like—perfect, easy, no complications.” A small breath. “And when I didn’t… that was kind of it.” Javadi’s face softened instantly. “That’s… shitty.” Kit gave a half-smile. “Yeah.” Now more quietly,  “I’m sorry,” Javadi said. Kit shook her head again, this time a little firmer. “No—don’t be,” she said. “It’s fine.” and she meant it. “It just means I know what it looks like when something’s actually worth going for,” she added, glancing back at her. “So don’t overthink it with Mateo.” Javadi watched her for a second longer, then nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Yeah… okay.” A small pause. Then “…Thanks.” Kit smiled, softer this time. “Anytime.” Then Santos and Whittaker walk over with some charts for us and even Santos must have heard the rumor or was a part of the conversation with Dana. Santos leaned against the counter, watching her with that knowing smirk. “Oh—careful,” she said casually as Kit passed. “Wouldn’t want to get caught walking too close to certain attendings.” Kit didn’t even break stride. “Oh my god, shut up,” she shot back, already grabbing a chart. Santos just grinned wider. Javadvi snorted somewhere behind her “Oh, it’s like that?” she added. Kit paused then slowly turned back toward them, one brow lifting just slightly. “Mm,” she hummed, pretending to think for a second. Then she smiled, “Oh, I don’t know,” she said lightly. “I’m not the one making out with Dr. Garcia at the bar like it’s a full-time job.” Silence a beat, Javadi choked immediately. “Oh my—” Santos whipped around. “Are you serious right now—” you smirked at her and chuckled under your breath “hey you want to play that game” Whittaker, from across the station, lit up. “WAIT—no, we’re talking about this.” Kit just shrugged, completely unbothered, turning back to her chart. “I have eyes,” she added simply. “Shut up,” Santos snapped, pointing at her. The attention shifted to Dana yelling at them saying how social hour is over. “Someone coming in” and then slapping the table before turning away and yelling out to the main area so everyone can hear. 

Dana’s voice is sharp and commanding “Incoming pediatric fall—four stories. Trauma 1 is open.”

Everything snapped, no hesitation, no questions, just movement. The shift hadn’t even fully turned over yet. Day shift still charting. Night shift just clocking in. Half the team in between—bags dropped, jackets half off, conversations unfinished. Kit barely had time to pull fresh gloves on before the ambulance doors burst open. The stretcher flew in. Taking a second her brain processes what she sees because the girl was too small. Too small for the size of the stretcher. Too small for the amount of blood. Too small for how wrong everything looked. Her mind looks at her and makes resemblance to Amelia, the same brown hair, the smallness of her, the softness in her face. Enough for Kit’s chest to tighten and make her breath out a breathy grunt before she could think, past it. People started yelling out things, “Airway compromised,” Dr. Ellis called immediately, already at the head of the bed. Robby and King moved in sync at her sides, hands assessing, eyes scanning fast. Ellis was already trying to control the airway, voice sharp but steady. Dana cut through clothing, scissors flashing under the trauma lights.

“Collapsed lung—left side,” Robby called. “Get a chest tube ready.” The monitor screamed, heart rate climbing too fast, too erratic. Jesse called out vitals over the noise. Princess and Perlah moved fast—IV access, meds, pushing everything they could. Javadi was already at the leg, stabilizing carefully. “Possible displaced femur fracture,” she muttered. “Watch for internal bleeding.” Robby responded to javadi. Dana moved toward the parents that were in the room, her voice controlled, grounding. “Stay with me—we’re working on her—we’ve got her—” Kit forced herself to move, not think, just moving. She grabbed the BVM, setting up tubing, hands steady even as her chest felt too tight. Because every time she looked… She kept seeing Amelia. Same size, same small face same… No, not now.

“How long without oxygen?” someone asked. No one answered because no one knew and there was no time to figure it out. Abbott walks in, in his regular street clothes. He wasn’t even supposed to be here but instinct didn’t care about schedules. He stepped in like he had been there the whole time. Eyes immediately locking on the neck. “Ok it looks like cervical spondylolisthesis,” he said, already moving. “We need to realign now if we want the airway.” Everything tightened because one wrong move and it was over. Dana starts taking the parent outside and explaining to them what happened. He removed the collar, Carefully. Hands steady as he took control of her head, spreading his finger around her head and neck to get a good hold, aligning her neck with precision that came from muscle memory and something deeper. The room went quieter, not actually quieter but focused. Every eye on him, every breath held for him. He adjusted, measured then, a controlled pull. The airway opened.“We’re intubating now.” Kit was already there, ready to bag. To breathe for her, holding the rhythm. Abbott moved fast, securing the tube, replacing the collar once everything was stable. “Tube’s in.” Kit connects the BVM to the tube before squeezing it slowly and she sees the chest rising. Abbott dropped into a squat down near the head wound, just right below Kit, gloved hands pressing firm against the bleeding. “We’ve got a cranial fracture,” he said, already working. Blood soaked through the gauze too fast. He adjusted pressure, and putting new gauze on it because they keep getting soaked, but didn't stop moving. “Stay with me, kid,” he muttered… low, fast, almost under his breath. Kit didn’t know if it was for the girl or for himself. Everything blurred seconds stretching then snapping back, chest tube placed, Air moving. Vitals still bad but good enough to move her  The OR attending stepped in, getting a rapid report of injuries, interventions, everything they had done in the last few minutes that felt like hours. Eventually someone took over for the BVM to go up with her. Kit stepped away toward the bin getting ready to take off her gloves then  she heard over her shoulder. “We’re moving her to OR now.” Just like that, they were rolling again, pushing the stretcher out. No guarantee or certainty that she will be ok Just the fragile line they had managed to hold.

It was over, Just like that, no countdown. No moment to process it, just… over. The room emptied in pieces, like it always did after something like that. Gloves snapped off with sharp, practiced movements. Gowns peeled away and dropped into bins. The sound of it—latex, plastic, metal trays shifting—filled the space where chaos had just lived seconds ago. People stepped back into themselves. Back into roles. Back into the shift. Someone was already asking about the next patient. Someone else was wiping down the bed like it hadn’t just held a life hanging by a thread. Voices picked back up, quieter now, but steady. Functional. Like nothing had just almost been lost. Kit didn’t move, not right away. She stood there for a second too long, Zoned out. Her hands came up behind her head, fingers interlocking, elbows wide, like she was trying to hold something in place that wasn’t there anymore. Like she was bracing, her breathing felt off. Too shallow. Too aware. Because her body had stopped but her mind hadn’t. It kept going, replaying, and rebuilding the scene over and over again. Every time, it wasn’t that girl, It was Amelia on that bed.  She swallowed, forcing her eyes to blink, trying to ground herself in what was actually in front of her, Not what her brain was turning it into, around her, the ER picked back up.

Like it always did, machines reset. New charts opened. Someone laughed at something stupid down the hall like the last ten minutes hadn’t happened. Like they didn’t just fight to keep a kid alive. Kit finally exhaled. Forcing her shoulders to drop and her hands down from her head. Pulling herself back together piece by piece, because that’s what you did here. You didn’t get to stay in it. You didn’t get to fall apart. You just moved on. “Abbott brought in deli sandwiches if you want some.” Santos’ voice came from her left, flat, monotone like always, already falling into step beside her as they started walking toward the lockers. Kit didn’t even look at her. Just kept walking, shook her head once, No. She couldn’t even think about food right now. Everything in her felt heavy. Drained. Hollowed out in a way that only came after something like that. They walked in silence for a few steps before Santos peeled off, already distracted by something else. Kit didn’t notice she just kept moving, autopilot down the hall, into the locker room.

The door swung shut behind her, cutting off the noise just enough. Not quiet but quieter. She made it to her locker, fingers fumbling slightly with the lock before it finally clicked open. She stared at it for a second. Like she forgot what she came here for then she moved, slow and mechanical, scrubs off. Tossed into the locker. Shoes kicked off without care. Pulling the legging I have out of my locker like they are 1000 pounds and putting them on with my left leg and then right being a zombie until they are up fully. To only do the same for the oversized sweatshirt and feel like you are reborn when your head goes through the head.  She caught her reflection in the mirror for half a second. Hair is a mess, Face pale Eyes suck in like she hasn't slept for 5 days. Too tired that she looked away before she could think about it. The door opened again behind her, Kit heard the swing, the hinges of the door grinding. She  looked back toward it, to see who it was and it was Dana. They didn't say anything. She zipped her bag, grabbed her stuff, and moved for the door before Dana even got halfway through changing. Dana glanced up just in time to catch the tail end of her. “Kit—?” But she was already gone. Out the door, down the hall, and out of the ER. Before anyone could stop her. Before anyone could ask.

Before she had to say out loud… That for a second in that room… She thought she was losing Amelia.