#eristale

Growing up,I never knew what it felt like to be embraced,to be softly spoken to,to be loved.It wasn't until I got warped into a whole new world that i even experienced any semblance of warmth.So this was what it was like to have people you can talk to and listen to you without worrying about every single word uttered.This was what it was like to just be a kid?It feels so surreal which is why I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and realize this is all a dream because it means none of it was real and that I'd have to continue being just a waste of space and somebody who'll never be embraced as preciously like other children...I don't want that!I want to be selfish,even if just for a while...I don't care about the numerous overblots or the chaos of it all!I just want to stay here.If anything,all the trouble has taught me to allow myself to be more expressive,to have a mind of my own and to let me know my feelings are valid.If these people,who could harm me if they wanted to,can teach me these things that not even my family was willing to teach me,then why would i want to leave this place?I don't want Crowley to ever find a way back,though i doubt he's even doing that...All my experiences,every second of laughter and comfort from those so unlike me,yet so similar to me,make me feel like i deserve to be loved just as much as any other child.So if this really turns out to be a dream,then i don't want to ever leave this wonderful,chaotically beautiful wonderland.Even if my health deteriorates any further ,by being in a world where I can't avoid magic in a body that doesn't possess any such things,I'll still like to stay here,forever,if possible because I want to see more of this stunning world.I want to see every part of it,like the mystical ocean or the calmness of it all.I want to see it all!I want to see the beauty of a world,even if it is not my own,because it is something I wasn't allowed to do.I was taught to just stay in my room and not make any sounds whatsoever.And that is why I'm so glad everyone was patient with and guided me on a journey of healing ever individual scar...Sure,there are some scars that'll always remain,but i think that if I'm allowed to live here,I will blossom beautifully,just like my companions,peers,partners,whatever you want to call it.If anything,the only twisted thing is the fact that I could disappear from this world in an instant and that they'll all forget me,but surely surely won't happen...Once again,I'd love to stay in this lovely wonderland no matter how horrible my life gets here because I don't think I'll ever be okay leaving a place that taught me how to be,well,a person.

You and I,we're both flawed.Our past is only a constant reminder of just how unloved we'll ever be, but maybe that is alright if I can spend my time with you.At first,I was elated to have a friend,so genuine and so similar in every single way.Sure,we had our differences,but of course we do.We're not the same person after all,it'd be utterly ridiculous if we were.I was just so overjoyed at having a friend who wouldn't judge me but instead, someone who'd listen to me and comfort me if need be.But as time passed,I started to get jealous.No,I believed I was getting in the way of her other friendship.I've said this that bothered her, to which i responded by ghosting her for a few days or weeks because I believed she had enough of me.I was afraid to lose my only friend throughout my darkest times.I know it's selfish of me,but at the time,I wished she never had another friend.I wished it was just her and I.Maybe it's because I felt like I was being abandoned by my father,who I was so close with,that I didn't want to let her go.Its an ugly feeling,i know,but I'm still just a kid after all...What kid isn't flawed?Maybe if we were born into more loving and accepting families,we could've turned out differently,but since we can't change the family we have,you can't leave me and I won't leave you.