#erislife

Whenever I see a happy family,I'm jealous.Why do they get that but I can't?Am I less deserving of it?Do I need to prove my worth?Why?

I am trying SO hard to have a good relationship with my younger brother but he's making it difficult when he keeps wanting to hit me unprovoked.I'll literally be just standing,hardly breathing,and he decides to swing.Even worse when hr decides to throw rocks or like get razors or just anything sharp/rough.He's only 2 years younger than me and he acts like he's still a toddler. So exhausting.

It's my birthday today!!!Happy birthday to me cuz no one remembers!!!!Happy to be the middle child!!!

Idk anymore.I think life has gotten a bit dull since she left.This is not to say I don't have great company but it isn't as colorful I guess.You know that feeling of wanting to change?I changed in a lot of ways since meeting her and I wanted to just take a break for a little.Yes,there were a lot of issues on both sides but everything outside of my phone was exhausting me beyond anger and it sort of transported to online.That break was meant to be a way to cool off but that's too late I guess.Maybe if I wasn't a coward,if i explained things properly,maybe if I gave her a message(even if we were on a break),everything could be better.I used to laugh,smile,feel angry for them,share her pain and understand well,but what good is that?It has been a little more than a week since this friendship has been cut off:)

Well,I've lost a friend,if that wasn't clear enough.Now I'm down to 3 close friends.At the rate this is going,I'm going to lose another friend:)

I think I've officially lost a friend,not too surprising,but despite my break being short,I was really ready to be better.I mean,not really,I think something is always holding me back,but I really felt like a better person with her.Perhaps,if we met under different circumstances,this would've never happened.And yes,I take blame once again.I don't think she could ever be guilty.

It's so exhausting having no one who understands you.This isn't about my friends,I love them to death,this is about my family.If I get angry,I'm always getting angry for no reason when most of the time,I have a valid reason to be pissed.If I cry,they'll make it seem like I had no need to cry.And they wonder why I'm so frustrated.If you hate me so much,why keep me around?

I'm so confused on if I made the right choice.Is taking a break from this really the best choice?Maybe but I don't know.It feels like I'm just running away from my responsibility.