#epitaphs

Greek Anthology 7.186: But now the sweet flute was echoing in the bridal chamber of Nicippis, and the house rejoiced in the clapping of hands at her wedding. But the voice of wailing burst in upon the bridal hymn, and we saw her dead, the poor child, not yet quite a wife. O tearful Hades, why did you divorce the bridegroom and bride, you who yourself take delight in ravishment?

Greek Anthology 7.712: I am the tomb of Baucis the bride, and as you pass the much bewept pillar, say to Hades who dwells below "Hades, you are envious." To you the fair letters you see on the stone will tell you the most cruel fate of Baucis, how her bridegroom's father lighted the pyre with those very torches that had burnt while they sang the marriage hymn. And you, Hymenaios, did change the tuneful song of wedding to the dismal voice of lamentation.

2nd-1st century BC epigram from Teos: Soothe Persephone's envy, golden Stratonike, for the lord of the dead abducted your beauty, making your husband, Aristonax, a widower, and your unfortunate Eirene and father [who bears the name of Artemis] depriving of a wonderful child. You did not succumb to wasting diseases, but to the fast arrow of death during the sacred ceremonies of Demeter; when once Kore had been abducted by Hades, who [now] took for himself your beauty.

The grave everyone in this small Oklahoma Town whispers about sits at the edge of this rural cemetery — the so-called Witch’s Grave.

The inscription reads:

“I can’t bring him back again, so I shall go to him.”

Some say it’s a curse. Some say it’s a vow. Either way, it’s one of the most haunting epitaphs I’ve ever seen.

I went with my sisters, just before dusk, the air thick with that small-town superstition that clings to you on the drive home.

Honestly, because I am immortal, I haven’t given it much thought.

But, off the top of my head, any of the following epitaphs would do:

“I appreciate all of the flowers, but maybe next time you could bring a shovel”

“Sorry I ghosted”

“Don’t freak out, but I am standing right behind you”

“Well, this is embarrassing”

“I never noticed how ugly you are when you cry”

“I am such a mess, I wish you would have told me you were stopping by”

“Oops, turns out everything they said about hell was true”