#epiphanyblvd

the trickle of cold grass pricks my fingertips, yet it doesn't pierce - it never will, for poison only wills what it wants to touch - and as I gnaw at a freshly brazen scar - it metamorphoses into rust, tracing down my spine as i lay beside you, and my tongue reaches out before I do, intertwined with a possibility that you bite it, and so I'd perch upon an apple, watching like eve once did, for alas, I am the devil's advocate. I shall dwell in my own silence, for all is dead as long as I shut my eyes - yet, as I open them once again, you are there; in raw, unhonest, unrequited truth, I watch through a stained glass window of my mind, for you are a reality of what I conjured, through limerance or to cope? is for the heart to know: I never will. and so, the world will move beneath my feet, a kaleidoscope of faces I've longed for, of eyes I once knew, and for mouths I'd wish I fed with my own diligence: me, myself, and I. and I never think of him, for on nights like these, I look at the moon and ask: "who was I before you?" ˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. 　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　 ✦

𐙚 all you said was, "hi", and i remembered i loved you

do you ever ponder over each look? over each smile, each thought, each word was spoken; does any of it resonate with our colours? of each other’s lives, can a single emotion describe- what was forsaken to be the end for us? everything closes its doors, whether it be a chapter- that you wish had just begun, or a thought that was said out loud without hesitation.

sentimentalism is the pure fascination for what could’ve been, rather than was- it’s that agitation that sets a want free, for whatever it relishes it’s that fear that gives birth to a cycle of flush- or anticipating my tears falling out of my reach. the thought of being wanted is beautiful, and i yearn to be your embrace- for the rest of my days, crestfallen in my emotions hoping that you won’t be the one to turn them into ash wistfully.

and my longing that you won’t be an epitome of the past, turns into complete hopelessness. you’re within my reach and i’d loathe if you’d be the contrarian- to what we’ve created, my affinity would shatter and dissolve- into my tear-soaked flight. please don’t ever be a stranger in a story that has just begun, my yearning isn’t one without a fracas. i’m aware in the end that the only heart broken will be my own.

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. 　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　 ✦

𐙚 there was happiness because of you

my love for avoidance is one that may be deemed abnormal, but it is who i am, and always will be; an angel but never the one who carries pride on my shoulders- i was never chosen nor wanted for the love i'd to give, once again, my obsession with sonder protruded onto me- reached to soften my fall into a dissent of delusion and questions; round and round they go, a cycle of never-ending romanticism. and there he was, in front of me all along; my eyes fixed on his gaze. for a moment- and alas, the debrief arising: is it he who sends me into a gold rush every night? searching for a glint of happiness in something that is otherwise askew? oh how i wish it was me on his irises' horizon; autumn rolls around and yet it's he that is in my head- knocking on my heart, and eagerly waiting for it to be opened. though i know, it never will out of my fear of being a stranger for the rest of his days. love doesn't last forever, does it? do i repeat a hopeless past time and again at the moment that an acceptance is pursued? what if he's an outlier to my fingertips that graze my skin? his hands clasped into mine, completing a life puzzle i'd always anticipated for a valued embrace to my heart, sunken down in desperation of what comes next. would he ricochet the value i have to offer? with his touch, turn it into gold? shine a light on who i am and more, for what life has to reciprocate? for all i know, I'm falling into the labyrinth of love, again. ˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　　 . ✦　　　 　˚　　　　 . ★⋆. 　　　.   　　˚　　 　　*　　 　　✦　　　.　　.　　　✦　˚ 　　　　 ˚　.˚　　　　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 　　 　　　　 ✦

𐙚 uh oh, i'm falling in love again