// I don’t like posting personal stuff on my RP blogs because well..this isn’t my personal blog so instead of venting I tend to take unannounced breaks for weeks or even months! However, last night I did a lot of thinking about myself and well...I feel as though I’ve become very distant and bitter as the months have progressed. Not just with this blog, but with a lot of people and muns save for a select three or four.
As I dug through my archives the other day I saw a part of me that I felt as though I’ve lost. It was a side that wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable. I saw old posts saying I was watching tv shows with my parents, updates on artwork, tiny fanboy moments over characters and games, little chats even. What’s more I saw old blogs and muns that I no longer talk to, muns that have since disappeared form the community. It was then I realized something. I’ve just been waiting this whole time.
I’ve spent several months waiting for certain people to come back that clearly aren’t going to return, old muns to say hello when we’ve all moved on and gone our separate ways. And as a result I’ve missed so much. I’ve missed potential friends and I’ve ignored those who have shown nothing but love for me when I’ve been at my worst. What’s more, I’ve let so much stuff going on at home and work affect how I am online when that shouldn’t be the case.
I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t like being distant and angry. So I’m going to try and be better for my own sake. I always tell my friends offline that life is too short to spend it missing those who are gone, chasing after what you’ll clearly never have, or being pissed at everything around. Now it’s time to practice what I preach. I want to be more open, more social, more joyful! I don’t want to become someone everyone is intimidated by because I’m always angry or annoyed.
Next time I login I’m going to have a better attitude.
