#epically bad

Straight from the baseball files of “What Was That,” Cardinals pitcher Adam Wainwright has a historically bad pitch against the Cubs on Tuesday.

I just read it, and MAN it's really really shit. Like I can just see little 11-year-old me sitting at her computer writing this thing, and revising it, and coming up with better words and thinking "OH! That phrase is REALLY good" and being a proud little person, because look at me I write so well!

But when I read it back, holy potatoes I just about died of embarrassment. It was supposed to be an epic kind of deal, like elves and dwarves and war and prophecies, and all that jazz, but me being a little shit I wanted to be original and not have "elves" and "dwarves" so I made up these creatures that were EXACTLY LIKE elves and dwarves, only I gave them different names because I am waaaaaaaay too original for that. 

I can see the bits where I thought I was including clever backstory, and adding interesting plot details and OOOOH there will be a surprise twist! but like this story is about 6,000 words, and I have already pretty much flat out said "these two will end up together, these two will end up together, and this guy will just pine after this girl but never get her" It was supposed to be like novel length, but I basically told the whole story in about 200 words and the rest is me saying shit like:

"They traveled east for quite some time and eventually they entered a thick forest. However this forest wasn’t bright and inviting like the one surrounding the [elf] city, this forest was dark, cold, and not very welcoming. They stopped to make camp for the night after they had traveled nearly all day."