#eoy list

Was very brave and genuine and tried to be very kind and understanding about the end of a slowly turned toxic relationship; especially towards myself. To be free of an abusive relationship is a “good” thing but…I’m still heartbroken. I feel free now. But empty. STILL ->

I’m proud of the way I chose softness and to not choose to hurt. 50 points to Hufflepuff

My best friend showed me tremendous gentleness, care, love and support during the fallout and long after. I am reminded of what a true friend who genuinely and openly cares for you and has your well-being at heart feels like

She bested my dad who tried to con me.

We hugged for the first time. We started being more physically affectionate!

I didn’t have to undergo surgery for a bad abscess ;A;

Upon learning about the abscess, SL from work brought some cooling bitter drink she made to help ;A;

Luna and Wendie became a thing! Daemon time!

Learnt how to play The Big Vibration on the kalimba!

I started wearing skirts. So airy, light and free! I love how it feels.

Wrote a ton this year (about 15 pieces…and counting!!)

Bought myself a new mattress that saved my back from aches and pain!!! First new mattress in several years and it’s real comfy.

Had a Warriors Cat Journey with Bea as we trekked our way through forbidden paths, abandoned apartments, funeral parlors and beneath highways just to have turtle soup. That was a lot of fun.

Tried fishing and hanging with others and enjoyed it! We caught >85 fishes and I got a hook stuck in my finger (trying to have new experiences and spend time with more people)

Hung out with an old poly friend and actually enjoyed myself (it is possible!) We went to look at Japanese food items.

That Nukikaiju giftart from @kairisk, Nuki giftarts from @ieaka and @juliekarbon and another from @shie-k <3

Met @aishasauce​. She’s so cool and open and nice <3

Bea’s birthday gift of a lovely jar of words, and everything else that came with ;W;

Experienced Little Nightmares which was fun while it lasted

TRAILER FOR ORI AND THE WILL OF THE WISPS CAME OUT!! OH MY GOD I WILL LIVE TO PLAY THIS GAME. Please be on Steam!

Found a new contract job within a month…at the same university with a slight increase in salary!

Played Persona 5!!!!!

Persona 5′s MUSIC wow

Bonded and grew closer with sis through P5 <3 (2 weeks of nothing but P5. We woke up each new day, tackling each new in-game task. We lived and breathed it exclusively. It was insane.)

Found THE favourite and BEST ICE CREAM (kinako mochi vanilla ice cream bar) — sadly it’s gone forever so I don’t know if this should even be on the list but oh my God now I know what I adore.

Developed an appreciation for taiyaki ice cream

Ate banana and nutella ice cream rolls for the first time ever. It’s basically the real life actuality of Jesus’ 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Fuckin bomb.

Found a honey nut body scrub that smells amazing and is more soothing and effective at scrubbing away my tiny bumps better than the pumice stone. IT MAKES MY SKIN SMOOTH!!!

danzilla​ finally refunded me my 300USD after waiting 3 years for my commissions that never arrived.

Introduced to Stromae by @pinkgermy. I’m now forever in love with Papaoutai, Carmen, Tous Les Mêmes, Quand C'est, Ta fête and Alors On Danse. He’s also stupid attractive.

Watched Uchouten Kazoku 2 and listened to its OST <3

Watched Okja (w o w)

Watched Storks & Boss Baby (fun and entertaining)

Watched Your Name (Kimi no na wa)

Discovered RADWIMPS

Figured how to play Big Jaw Comes To Steal Crying Children

Figured how to play Chazzoscope from NITW

Made it through the 2nd page of Yuri On Ice. I can play the front smoothly now. ;w;

Learning how to play Not Tomorrow (Silent Hill)

Zion got picked for a Charathon! ;W;

KH’s Traverse in Trance (DDD), Lazy Afternoons, Daybreak Town, Majestic Wings are bEAUTIFUL

Aoi found a new friend in Cery as I did with @filthy-alien-meat​ <3

Going overseas for the first time soon…!

I ate the freshest, sweetest, juiciest, salty, buttery non-stringy grilled corn ever. In that moment I was converted into a grilled corn fanatic. Nothing could top that corn.

Understood how it can be sunny but not hot and why people would want the lounge about under the sun. Because I want to too!

Experienced the peaceful atmosphere of Bali’s beaches and comfortably mild weather.

Saw real cresting waves and clear natural waters for the first time in my life.

Grew even more physically comfortable with Reba. Holding her hand felt like second nature as we navigated the streets of Bali. Also very comforting and safe.

Shared a public bath with Reba where we both momentarily forgot we were naked xD

Watched a lot of Nat Geo Wild which was honestly really fun and fascinating

Had the best KFC I’ve ever had in Bali

The single best massage I’ve ever had in my life in Bali

Cleaner auntie Siu Er and her friend came to find and visit me in my new office and gave me food, bought me lunch and even gave me pants to wear oh my god?!

Had nice meals at the Curry Udon auntie’s place. Sadly she had to close down the shop because it was doing poorly but she kept giving me free chawanmushi or tempura and I got to write her a card and give her a gift before she left. ;; She told me “Don’t worry about it!” when I tried to pay for my meal. I paid, obviously. But it was a very generous gesture.

Learnt to be more handy with Excel. First time I’ve ever had to use excel so extensively x’D

Attempted needle felting again and I made a pretty cute ferret. Learnt a lot from my previous failure.

My sis requested a felted peach and I did it! I didn’t know how to and winged it but it turned out rather nice.

I bought 22 felt packs on carousell for half the price outside! :O

Found a place to get tutu kueh!

Kimi AND Aisha (4/9) both bought me a tanuki plush?!!! ;;;A;;;

Aisha introduced me to mori style (fashion) and oh my gosh I resonate. She also introduced me to taobao and helped me navigate it ;_;

I found mentaiko mayo and Bea offered to pay half of it for me ;A;

Hung out with Vot!! It was comfy and fun (once again! It’s possible!!!) and I wasn’t emotionally drained at all.

Vot treated me to dinner and gave me a shit-ton of snacks from his work pantry omfg

Got a new laptop with good specs for a discounted price of $729 damn!

The girlfriend gave me food 3 separate times. Told me to "eat more. You're too skinny"

World Order’s “Blue Boundary/Let There Be Light” is the best song.

Had good chats with @kairisk about her OC and world! So fun!

Life is Strange: Before The Storm!!!

Rhett and LInk had vasectomies and I loved their reasoning and thought behind it. Decent men. Everyone with a penis and balls should get vasectomies if they no longer plan to have children.

I went for my first swimming lesson that I cinched through networking! The swimming pool wasn’t as filthy as I feared. I actually didn’t reek of chlorine or itch after I left. The coach said I had talent lol. Bea was bored but I was having fun. I felt alive; learning, mind sharp and engaged. Bea said I looked very eager to learn and I was responsive and just looked like I was having fun which made me feel self-conscious lol. People can see my face...

Introduced to Lush by Bea and their products work. BB Seaweed is awesome.

Oh my GOD, pornhub isn’t blocked by the g*v?! What reality is this?!

Found a Japanese gay pornstar whose performances I really enjoy. No idea what his name is though.

Bought 4 fishes (cases) and 4 clothes (shirt, sweater, skirt, dress) from taobao all for $90 including shipping. What a DEAL. Aisha helped me through the whole process and Bea poured over the details with me and encouraged and calmed me down whenever I freaked out. It’s a huge step towards carving out an outward identity. I’m going for the sakamotorei aesthetic of course...! This is a starting point.

Learnt Date 2 from Kimi no na wa! I can play it fluently after 2 days of practice ;w;  (I even figured out how to play a story with it with its echoing notes)

Learning how to play Sparkle (Kimi no na wa) It’s a left hand melody piece at the start and it was really fun to learn it.

Discovered DJ Okawai’s Flower Dance and I’m slowly learning how to play it. Another 5♯ piece (like Sparkle) which is confusing and difficult but I’m slowly making my way through it!

Ate braised squid stuffed with shishamo roe. Best thing fuckin EVER!!!

Arif came all the way to work to have lunch with me and gave me a cheese tart I’ve been craving all week!! So sweet ;w; <3

Bea helped me to buy 2 boxes of the cheese tarts ;w; I’m so grateful. I mean I had to pay for them but to have someone who is willing and will help you beat the crowd when there’s no way of getting to them yourself because of work...it’s so heartening.

The blue tights (they are magical) and blue-and-white striped blouse I bought from ASOS looks EXACTLY like the ones in the photo and are of great quality!!! And they are a great online store that does free shipping, free returns that come with a form to indicate why so they can improve on their service, is environmentally-friendly AND inclusive of nonbinary and trans people...!!!!

My taobao clothes are lovely.... The dress came back a whole different colour than what I expected but the cut is adorable and it looks quite nice on me. ...pity about my glasses.

Got a great Aeriel/Pixie commission from @mootecky. They were really, really accommodating and professional. More than every other artist I’ve commissioned, ever.

Got a gorgeous Wendie team commission from @sticksandsharks....It’s so spectacular I’m crying... Also a bunch of other commissions featuring Zion, Matthias and Helga.

They even drew gorgeous headshots of Matthias and Helga (who kinda looks like Heather so let’s go with H&M) as thanks for my support?! ;___________;

Reba got awesome Pokemon trainer commissions of Theo and Emily and Noella and they all look gorgeous.................

Reba wrote back drabbles of our OCs!!! <3 (there was a really funny double bs one, a w&e one and a luna/vixey one) They were all so fun to read.

Sometimes my co-worker Jenny gives me bread that she doesn’t wanna eat and they are huge and great and I’m so glad. She does it often enough that I’m wondering why she has so much leftover bread all the time xD

Swimming was cancelled on a Sunday but we met for dinner anyway and Bea was happy. She said she was feeling a lil sad we wouldn’t get to meet. SO TOUCHED

SALMON BELLY....!!! Thickly cut and $13

Dad’s gf cooked my share of dinner!!! Woah! It tastes really good.

Developed lotsa Pokemon AU

Went ice skating for the first time!

Made Kracie Popin Cookin with Bea and it was fun!!!

Pink dot.

Rick and Morty.

Tried ice skating for the first time! And again and again! I love it even if I can’t really do it.

Had the best corn in bali. Salty, buttery, sweet, hot and juicy and bursting with flavor

Appreciate fashion

Intervened dad and gf

Gifts went up for me on my love language list this year. I’ve come to see it as a physical gesture of care, affection and attention. Gifts where people saw something or purposely sought out something for you because they had you on their mind is so sweet. Truly a gift. I feel the same way, of course.

All the gifts @straviios commissioned and gave this whole year ;_;

Ex-coworker Siu Leng dropped by to give me some food omg

I got a refund for the spoiled onigiri I bought! I was so surprised.

Bea tends to let me have the better side of things ;;

My coworker bought lunch for me at soup spoon. Beef goulache with smoked salmon sandwiches. It was awesome and she was lovely. She said she thought I was capable of a lot more and that I made a good impression on her in the brief minutes we share when she enters the office.

I managed to sell Prof Layton vs Phoenix Wright & KH: Recoded and got great reviews on carousell! <3

I drew like 15 pieces of art on October alone? Damn son. That’s impressive.

Did an art trade with @aishasauce and she sent me her part through mail in a beautifully decorated letter ahhh <3

Trailer for Wes Anderson’s Isle of Dogs came out! I’m so excited for it!

MLP Season 7 is amazing and I loved it! Looking forward to the movie.

AT is really kicking ass with Season 8 & 9!

I actually really love Rick and Morty! I gave it a try because of all the drama and I wanted to see what was it about and it ended up being wild and fun and wholly entertaining. Best show of the year!

Stood up for myself against my dad when he attacked and accused me and managed to calm him down, even

@pinkgermy​ commissioned a pic of Nuki for me from @actual-drawings !!! So sweet...so lovely...

My coworker complimented my blue cardigan ;w; She said I look good in pastel colours like Bea did! AHH!!

Learnt Fox In The Fields from Fantastic Mr. Fox 

Learnt Kristofferson’s Theme from Fantastic Mr. Fox

Learning Boggis, Bunce and Bean from Fantastic Mr. Fox (WIP)

Learning Home Again from Night In The Woods 

Bea loves and likes me for who I am...;; truly

After the incident with my scumbag ableist brother and the umbrella (he lost or as he says “gave away my umbrella to a disabled busker” and denied all responsibility and mansplained and fought with me...where I was shaking from anger, having screamed myself hoarse, I told the gf...no wonder she was so angry because she has to deal with him. I was so overwhelmed. She sympathised, even with how my dad didn’t do anything and I agreed, saying he only ever attacks me and she offered comfort and hugged me. Rubbed my back and told me, if anything I could come to her. Then she offered me food. I’m so shook. She has treated me better than my own parents this year with her tiny bits of kindness.

Bea said such wonderful and comforting things... I’m so heartened. I want to remember it. ...she truly does like me for me. And even though I’ve come to want to change myself this year, she likes me as I am, for what I stood for. I want to remember that and to remember I’m good as I am and I shouldn’t...I shouldn’t have to change.

Played Nier Automata! (Arif was so patient when I fucked around lol. He lent me his PS4 again I’m cry... I’m so grateful. It’s his favourite game and he wanted me to try it out and I’m so glad I enjoy it) This is the best thing in my life.

Nier Automata’s MUSIC!!! Wow.

My sis expresses how she misses me, how she likes the person that I am, wouldn’t want me to change and that she loves me and warns me not to die. ;_; She’s a lot warmer...and kinder and so capable, so .... I’m so proud of her.

My mum bought me an avocado! I cut and sliced it at work, topped with pepper and ate it with saltine crackers. It was delicious!

My mum let me try duck tongues. They were fatty, rich and so delicious.

Watched Kimi no Na Wa (for the 3rd time!) with my sis. It was very funny with her. She gagged when Taki drank the kuchikamizake which was....oh my god...it was hilarious. She also forgot the name of the show and all the characters after watching it. Even more so than Reba, it was great.

Had 3 days of “Friday” when most of the office left for overseas team-building! On an actual Friday, everyone came in late. xD Office was silent, almost empty and everyone was chilling.

JENNY GAVE ME NASI LEMAK!!! She also gave me tips on what kind of equipment I can get for cooking. SHE ALSO BOUGHT MCDONALDS HOTCAKES BREAKFAST FOR ME ;A; And after that, curry puff!!! ;A; 

Rachel introduced us to some Turkish kebab place and treated us all ;A; I had chicken on salad and it was so filling and tasty and the portions were huge. She told so many stories and...reminded me how I wanted to live. How I want to live. 

Bea is realising the activeness required in life. I’m trying to unlearn my fear of living and to take part in it more.

I want to live in Japan. Even for a bit. I want to experience life in this land that has called to me since I was a child. The fernweh that compels me. I’m making a decision right now that I want to make it a reality. It’s a goal.

Went to the cinema for the first time this year and watched Coco and it was the most phenomenal movie of the year

I got to share Nier Automata’s story with Bea and she’s into it!!!

Befriended @pyukumukun and @aura-of-arcadia

Germy sent me a package! ;A; HOLY SHE GAVE ME A WISHIWASHI PIN and a bunch of French snacks and the sweetest note ever.

Doki Doki Literature Club (and pewdie’s playthrough of it)

Learning more about NITW and hearing Bea talk and write about along with what she got away from it.

Aura gave me 4 new games on Steam!! :0000

Aish sent me a package! SHE GOT ME SAKURA SOCKS THAT I WANTED TO BUY I’M......

Okay but apparently that’s not all because she also sent me A SHIT TON OF STUFF and everything is WONDERFUL

Had many Serious Talks from my supervisors/bosses about my lackluster and tired work performance BUT they were all incredibly...nice about it? Strict and firm but not unkind; and they do truly want me to improve. And where else would I have a workplace that was so nurturing and...I don’t know. I hated being criticised and I felt like a POS who can’t get anything right and I hated myself for being so incapable of normal things. Yet at the same time I felt like they had a point and I could be better and they do note my efforts. 

My new coworker C who is partnered with me and so far she seems really pleasant, helpful and hardworking and work has been more motivating and conducive. I was really afraid things would be bad because whenever I had to work with someone, they ended up being unpleasant. 

Xmas party at office! everyone was so nice and I got many gifts?? All chocolates and given to everyone else but they were such a nice gesture ;A;

Karaoke party; farewell to Chloe. Ate dinner at Jack's Place where it was so expensive I could literally only afford a ridiculously expensive bowl of soup and yet everyone shared all their food and a coworker covered my cost even though I wanted to pay. And then after when we were going home, another coworker (Chloe) insisted on paying for the drive back to the train station and REFUSED TO TAKE MY MONEY (I was kinda afraid to force it in case she threw my money omg xD) But oh my god, everyone was so nice. Also when it was my turn to sing, my ears burned and my face actually heated up because I was so embarassed but they encouraged me and someone actually sang along with me so I wouldn't feel as nervous. And everyone praised me for having a good singing voice (...not true but omg ;; so nice)

Hung out with A and it was FUN.

A came all the way to my workplace to help me deliver a gift and was super nice about it.

My sis thinks quite highly of me. I'm quite staggered and touched by it. She geuninely loves and cares for me and even looks up to me. It’s heartening, humbling, staggering and ...even a little frightening with how much she thinks of me. I hope I can meet those expectations x’D But it is really, really sweet. Occasionally after she had a nice chat with me she is struck with fondness and warns me I better not die yet. And she was also saying that she doubts anyone else in the work has such a close relationship as ours xD I doubt that but it's so heartening she feels so strongly about us. She even attempts to pet me and enjoys my company, shares things with me... Though this was the year we got separated, I feel closer to her than ever before. I actually feel very strange that there is family that I can feel.......fondly and strongly for. It’s a little scary. But I’m glad for it.

Going to the zoo with @votbear and naoren like I got to see nao for the first time. It was very cool. ;A;

The English VAs of Nier Automata performing the concert scripts on a stream out of love and enjoyment for the game!!!

I am just one human, and there’s an awful lot of sounds out there. And I wish I could listen to every album 200 times but, like, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard put out 326 albums this year (as of the time I write this) and those took up a lot of my time, y’know?

Here are a few albums I a strong initial impression of, but just never found the time to return to. There’s probably a much larger list than this of albums I wish I listened to more, but these are the ones that I have the most regret over not listening to more…

Perfume Genius - No Shape

Jay Som - Everybody Works

Milk Music - Mystic 100s

Black Lips - Satan’s Graffiti or God’s Art: I love Black Lips, but the timing of this album just coincided with a ton of other things I was listening to a lot, and I kept putting this off. Black Lips + Sean Lennon? I really shoulda made more time for this.

Mountain Goats - Goths: I loved Beat the Champ, and I’ve been on a John Darnielle kick between older Mountain Goats albums and reading Universal Harvester this year. So, like, why didn’t I listen to this more? Sad!

Fleet Foxes - Crack Up: Despite being a pretty big fan of Fleet Foxes, I think I did the same thing with Helplessness Blues, where I didn’t listen to it much at the time it came out, only to completely fall in love with it later. I liked what I’ve heard so far, but I just haven’t devoted the time to the album that I think I’ll need.

SZA - CTRL

Big Boi - Boomiverse

Toro Y Moi - Boo Boo: Admittedly, I listened to a LOT of Chaz Bundick Meets the Mattson 2 this year, so I don’t even know what my excuse is for not listening to this more.

Girlpool - Powerplant: I really love seeing/reading interviews with these two women, as I think they’re very smart and cool. But I also wish I spent as much time actually listening to their new album, especially considering how much I enjoyed their last one.

Cornelius - Mellow Waves

Boris - Dear: I love Boris as a band, but they sometimes fall into the same trap as other post-rock bands (see also: Mono and Mogwai) of making albums that aren’t especially different than what came before it. So Dear, to me, felt like just more Boris music. Which isn’t a bad thing, but I ended up just coming back to Pink and Heavy Rocks when I needed a Boris fix this year.

I was excited for Courtney Barnett and Kurt Vile’s Lotta Sea Lice, being a big fan of both’s solo endeavors. While, admittedly, there’s a charming chemistry between the two, they never seem to push each other or take any chances, thus the whole album just kind of meanders by with few memorable moments. Not a bad album, just not one I’ll ever choose to return to instead of when of their better solo albums.

Lana Del Rey’s first album Born to Die was, at best, just okay. But I bought into her aesthetic pretty hard around that time. I remember reading all the articles, interviews and think-pieces before she even had an album out, and I was listening to “Video Games” endlessly (Last.fm still ranks it as my most listened-to song in the last 10 years). And it’s kind of weird because with each album since then, she seems to have grown as a songwriter, seems to grow her fanbase and seems to get an even better critical reception - yet I continue to cool on her. Fatigue? Did I like her better as an underdog? I don’t know. But Lust for Life did nothing for me.

I’m not bitter about the mainstream attention Portugal the Man found this year. The writings been on the wall for years that this is exactly what the band was waiting for, and they finally found the right balance of weird, pop and Danger Mouse to get them there. Still, the PTM I fell in love with were a different band. Woodstock is my stop, and I’m getting off the train. Thanks for the ride!

People have spoken very highly of Japanese Breakfast, and I really wanted to like Soft Sounds from Another Planet, but it just didn’t happen. Certainly not a bad album in any way, just not one that resonated with me.

2017 was a trying time in the struggle with separation of art and artist. I actually liked Brand New’s album a lot, but in the fallout of the accusations against Jesse Lacey, I find it impossible to return to the album, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. Ditto for Morrissey, who I already have a contentious appreciation for. On the same day I planned on going to the record store to pick up his new album, his comments on the Hollywood sexual assaults proved to be the final straw for me. There simply isn’t time to support artists like these when thousands of other bands and artists are actually helping to contribute to and build a safer space for their fans.

I still like Mac DeMarco way more as a human than I do as a performer.  See also: St. Vincent.

Mastodon continued to stray from their epic awesomeness that made me a  fan in the Leviathan/Blood Mountain era. Their latest was alright, but just alright.

I don’t know why I thought The National was going to win me over this year when their older albums (and their most acclaimed albums at that) hadn’t. But, nope, still not into The National.

I defended Weezer for way longer than I should’ve (like, I bought Raditude), but that new album...  No.

I continue to hold out hope that one day War on Drugs will click with me, but it hasn’t happened yet. And I’ve tried! Maybe that just one just isn’t meant to be.

I hope that time doesn’t prove me to be exaggerating when I say this, but Arcade Fire’s Everything Now might be one of the most disappointing albums I’ve heard in a long time. Not to say that they’ve had a perfect track record up to this point, but the worst thing I could say about AF up to this point is that their last two albums were just too long. But there’s just so little of EN that I like. Even the album’s best moments (maybe...”Creature Comfort” or the title track?) still sound like parodies of better AF songs. Everything about EN, down to the marketing and roll out, just felt heavy handed and exhausting. I continue to appreciate AF as a band, and clearly their overall message comes from a good place.