#entry 018

    Once more, I found myself heading toward a gym that I had no good counter for. Delta and Hecate were out of the question with their type disadvantages, and I’ve heard Elesa’s Zebstrika knows fire-type moves so Clover was also a no-go. Just when I was considering training the heck out of Serafina, the answer came to me in the form of a curious Sandile that snuck up on us in the dunes. 

Desert Resort Capture!

Current Team:

Yesterday night I had a really bad anxiety attack . I usually have small ones where I just think about something else so it never can get too far . But I couldn't take it yesterday .. At first I was just on the phone with David and I couldn't take it anymore . I told him I'd call him back . Took me several minutes to get myself together so he would not notice . Boy did i succeed .. He went to bed afterwards after shrugging off when he thought I was crying . I was , I just didn't tell him . I felt like I put him through enough already. I think it was all that waiting that got me anxious from the start .

I know i have a bad issue when it comes to these because I do have abandonment issues . My first ex stood me up for four plus hours and decided to dump me so I can't help be so insecure about it . I was waiting for David to call me back . Took two hours .. Afterwards we talked briefly and he went to watch some TV series . I told he could just call me back when he was finished . That took another four hours .. It would have been longer if I didn't text him .. And after that was just hell for me . After he went to bed , I found myself tossing and turning in bed . I thought I'd be able to fall asleep considering I only had two hours of sleep that day , but I started crying to myself .

I tried calling him but he did not pick up so I suffered until 4-5 in the morning . I text him after I called but he didn't call back until six hours later . I was asleep for at least two hours . I got annoyed though because he kept asking me and I told him I would tell him later . He kept persisting so I threatened if he didn't stop I wouldn't tell him at all . Eventually , it did lead to that point and we ended up fighting . I ended up hanging up the phone and hoped he would just call back . He never did so I started getting anxious again . I was so upset I was even considering overdosing on my pills .. I kept looking back at it but I don't have the courage to do it . It is the first I ever even thought of killing myself and I am just so scared right now . I am not going to do it , but thanks for reading . It just lets me know someone out there still cares .