Just stopped and said to myself. “Damn I just want to rant and word vomit” and then I remembered why I have this blog in the first fucking place... I just get so fucking frustrated sometimes. I try to surround myself with positive things and positive people.... and yet somehow that turns around to bite me in the ass. There are people that take. And take. And take. And give a “Thank you” but nothing more.
I don’t want large grandiose things. I just want to be answered. Replied to. Paid attention to. If you’re my friend I’m willing to drop everything to help if you need me. That’s what friends do. And yet... there are people that don’t see that.
But I feel like an awful person for expecting something. Shouldn’t a truly good friend just not expect anything in return? Am I being too needy? Am I being too dramatic? I don’t even know anymore.
I’m questioning everything I do. I’m questioning everything I say. And I’m just so sick of it.
I missed out on so much of my life because of T. And I regret that a lot. I invested so much love and emotion into one person, one relationship that meant everything to me. And he turned around and left. And I feel like I’ve done the exact same thing all over again. And that just makes me so angry at myself.
I swear I’m not suicidal, and I’m not going to do anything, but I just wish there was a end button. Or rewind or restart or something. I’ve just made so many bad decisions and I’m just having a hard time keeping my head above water right now.
God this turned into a long, ranting pissy post, but hey. It’s my blog. I can do whatever the fuck I want.
I’m going to bed before I say or do something stupid.
Night peeps. Catch ya on the flip side.
