#endgenderroles

International Daughters (Genderqueer) Day!

September 27, 2020  

Today is International Daughters’ Day! How lovely a day set aside to appreciate the blessing of daughters! This important day originated in India where some cultures view daughters as a burden and families without male children are stigmatized. I feel phenomenally blessed with my three biological children and four children by marriage- and extra blessed to have also six grandchildren. I delight in the gift, beauty, power and insight brought to life by each unique individual. So for me all these specific days are now Non-binary/Genderqueer Celebration Days!

 Much of this past decade of my life I’ve learned that who I am as defined by society has limited my freedom to live. Being defined, and defining Self by gender roles and expectations diminishes our creative right to define our Natural Self. We are often shamed into conformity. I have purposefully invested time and energy into unlearning some of these damaging guidelines and restrictions that cause us to excise parts of ourselves and embrace only what is deemed “appropriate”.

 Exploring the Sacred Feminine and Divine Masculine has broadened my understanding and deepened my connection to Authentic Self, allowing me to become who I Am! Each Soul and being possesses a balance of these exquisite energies; and if left intact these energies help us grow and become individuals who are comfortable with the many qualities that work together to create, vision and build the things that are within us. While I have always identified with the Feminine and hold a deep love for Women and Nature, I also learned that I possess many characteristics assigned to the Masculine. I have come to understand that it is not the Divine Masculine that I hold at distance with loathing and suspicion. It is the destructive macho masculinity that has been hyped by our oppressive patriarchal defining of boys and men.

 This version of masculinity is toxic. It stunts our boys, teaching them they are not permitted to be vulnerable, and only dominance and anger are appropriate feelings with which they should identify and demonstrate. It teaches our girls that they must soften and become mute. Girls are served a steady diet of lies meant to convince them they are not worthy and are without power of their own. It kills any opportunity for individuals to relate as humans who experience the range of feelings and long to share deeply with one another. This destructive patriarchal masculinity is what seeks dominion over all things natural and good – it is killing our Earth and maiming our people.

 We are learning that the binary gender definition subjects us to harsh judgement and denies the rights of each Being to define Self as guided by Spirit and deep Knowing. My heart is lifted whenever I see societal progress toward less judgement and more acceptance. This after all, has been the practice of all great spiritual teachers, why not us?  There really is no need to assign specific roles and traits and characteristics based on some arbitrary biological factor(s).  

 On this occasion of International Daughters Day I say thank you to all beings who have helped me to see the expanded truth and beauty of honoring each as valid and valuable. I no longer feel the need to specify gender of my children, grandchildren, or anyone. I recognize that We, Each and All, are a beautiful blend of the masculine and feminine and how we choose to express Self is completely up to each Being. May we embrace the beauty of one another and support one another in Love, Kindness, Compassion and Peace.

 Reference for origins of this day:

"I hope she'll be a fool- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool." Daisy from The Great Gatsby (By F. Scott Fitzgerald)

If you are a girl, I am sure that at least once in your life your mother told you that someone will find you beautiful inside and out or some boys like (fill in the blank of a physical quality that you hate about yourself). For me, this was almost a daily occurrence.

I was tall and awkward. One could usually find me with my nose in a book. My teeth were crooked, and I had glasses. No one in my school would describe me as beautiful or pretty. Of course when I asked my mom, she would tell me that I was. She would tell me that a boy would like me for how I looked. To top this lesson, there are tons of songs and movies that back that theory up. It doesn't matter what you look like as long as a boy or man finds value in you.

Wow, Abby! That's not what your mom said. You're taking her words out of context. The point is, internet, that what we teach kids affects them greatly. As a girl, I never truly felt beautiful unless a boy my age said so. This is because any time I would go to someone for comfort when I had low self esteem, they would tell me not to worry because someday boys will appreciate my height or I will get braces and my smile will be perfected. And honestly, that's sickening.

I know that all those people meant well. And they were just comforting me the way that they have been comforted before. But if I ever have children, I am determined to never say those things. I do not want my children to grow up with the hope that they meet up to society's beauty standards. Because pretty isn't enough. It can and will never describe a person the way that they deserved described.

If my child asks me if they are pretty this is how I would answer, "Pretty? My dear, pretty is how you describe a flower or a day. But you, you are more than just pretty. You are pretty smart, pretty talented, pretty kind, pretty honest, pretty funny, and pretty genuine. You are and always will be worth more than a six letter word. Pretty can and will never full describe you. So it's ok when others tell you that you are not pretty, because you are not. You are pretty darn wonderful instead."