23:41 IST – There's an inhale of air, muffled, that starts the recording. When Arel speaks, it's garbled (as he's not really moving his mouth) and his breath sounds like wind catching on grass. There's a cool cloth on his face that's distorting his voice and the sound of his breathing.

Migraines are-- Exhale – are worse. Had been better. Waiting on medication to work; meditation difficult at this – Exhale – level.

23:52 IST – The holorecorder picks up again to the sound of shifting. Arel's voice is clearer when he speaks, he's closer to the 'recorder. Another exhale. He clears his throat to talk, but it's still hoarse.

I sent Scy out to pick up dinner. Haven't eaten yet. My stomach's been turning, and I'm not sure if that's because of the migraine or my anger.

Another exhale, long and hopefully centring.

A mix, I think. I had to drop a sample off on Korriban, for a colleague. It was no good for Scylas or me, and that contributed to my foul mood today. And the headaches. Force, the headaches. I haven't had them this bad in –

Exhale.

Well. In a while.

There's the sound of shifting again. A sharp intake of breath through his teeth.

My anger isn't helping. Master Tormin's rape of his Padawan came up again. It was that chatty boy, Jude, he brought it up. I'd hoped leaving Republic space for awhile would give me distance from such things. Peace through work, where I'd have a chance to sort through my own feelings regarding the matter.

And I am angry. I – An exhale through his nose, then the sound of creaking. Furniture. He's moving again. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. I feel frustrated. I feel angry. He'll do it again. I know he will. Statistically speaking, it's – almost certain. I doubt that he understands why what he did was wrong. And so he'll keep making that mistake.

The next time, it will be my fault, because I didn't stop it. Some other young woman is going to suffer because I – I don't know what to do.

A low noise of pain. Readjusting again, fabric slides against fabric.

I don't know what to do. When I spoke with one of his students a few weeks back, a young woman – A snort – of course, she thought I was the one out of line. I don't want it forgotten, but if I'm the one to bring it up, I'm somehow doing something wrong. I've been told not to judge, even. I don't understand.

Am I supposed to sit by and wait for it to happen again? Because the Council 'dealt with it'?

How do I do the right thing?

Jude brought up my own sexual activity, or what it appears to have – Mm. What his perception of it is. My 'humping buddies as a friendly gesture'. At least the 'handshake' bit didn't come up again.

Exhale, whistling almost.

I wish I hadn't admitted being sexually active. I don't enjoy that part of my life being public. I hadn't realized how twisted, how it would – A puff of air – I don't know. I don't understand, well, a lot of things lately.

I hadn't even thought it would be a problem, or I never would've mentioned it.

These days, I don't know why I'm – I'm still a part of the Order. I've seen Jedi, Masters, even, do things that I... I don't approve of. At all. Things that are wrong. This taking advantage of a student. The interrogation. The violence.

I could do good work outside of the Order. The same work I do now, just without the 'saber or the title. And I don't use my 'saber often. The title would be harder to give up, as I've used that.

I asked for this assignment because being with other Jedi tended to make me feel ill. I could – I don't know.

He speaks carefully, picking each word, thinking it over and checking it before he speaks.

I don't – I don't want to feel, some days, that the Order I see now is the one I was raised to serve. I don't wish to be roped up with the Jedi I see now.

Exhale.

I don't know what to do. Some days I feel the Council keeps poor Jedi just to keep them from the Sith. It makes me wonder if I'm one of them. Do I have reports on me? Is it a point system? If this war ends when I'm still alive, will they ask me to leave?

I'm exhausted. Scylas, he – he's doing worse than before his Sith found him, but he's improving. I wanted him to stay on Tython. Safe. But I mentioned the possibility of him seeking treatment.

He chuckles. It's not a happy sound.

I didn't want to be there for it. When the Healers see what a mess I've made of his mind and mine, I – I didn't want to be there, like a child hiding from a mistake. But no, the mention of treatment, of somehow undoing what we've done, made him panic. He barely lets me out of his sight, but for work.

And to tell the truth, I'm not eager to leave him alone. I worry that the Sith will find him. I worry about him being alone with himself.

I just – I remember on Nar Shaddaa. That – the gathering, the –

Another exhale.

I don't know what to do. He hums softly, the volume changes. He's turned his face away from the 'recorder. There's a silence that's just short of causing the 'recorder to shut off automatically, then,

Scylas will be home soon with dinner. I'll eat. I'll bathe. I'll sleep. And I'll wake up in the morning to meditate and exercise, to eat and bathe again. And then I'll go in and do my work. That it was I'll do.

From: <address>

To: A. Sirdio, <address>

The Houses are in constant discontent, Sith backbite and their politics seek to destroy the Empire they build. Lord Valganis' webs will be the undoing of his own makings, Agent 83 report. Specifics of Valganis bentures lead into underworld trading with the Hutt Cartel. No danger to Empire's goals forseen. Agent 83 - continuing report on Darth Viktor. Darth Viktor's political enterprising on the homeworld holds little reason for further investigation. Atypical Sith behaviour.