#emwritesitdown

A man plans his course, but the Lord determines His steps. Proverbs 16:9

Back in high school, one of our advisers would gather us once a week and teach us some lessons we don’t really learn from the books. Some days he will try to let us open up about the pressures and stress of our high school life. Some days he would come up with a surprise. 

One afternoon, a few weeks shy before graduation, he gathered us in the classroom, and told us to pick a piece of paper in a bag he brought. He said, that whatever that piece of paper contains, is a personal message for us. We later found out that each one enclosed a Bible verse he picked. When I opened mine, the Verse found above is what greeted me. Our teacher made his way around the class, and when he came to me and I told him what I got, He said, “I think, this is Him talking to you. I know you are faced with college dilemmas right now, but learn to listen to Him and follow His voice. I know you have your dreams and vision, but learn to trust that God has a dream and vision for you much greater than Yours. And you, Em, you need to welcome that.”

I have always been the fearful one. I follow God, I say to myself that I am obeying Him. I attend Church on Sundays, I try to be kind. But I have never fully surrendered. I have believed the lie that that was enough. But when you led me to a place where I never expected myself to be, I went but I resisted. I, on a almost a daily basis, asked You, why am I here? I doubt. I let go of His hand.

 I forgot the basic truth that He loves me and He will never do anything to harm me. I forgot the truth that I am held in His sovereign hands towards the pasture, the abundant, promised land. Now what is there to fear? 

Father, today I die again to you. I surrender my heart, my mind, my hands. My love, my people, my habits, my strengths and weaknesses, my pride, my plans. Let me lay them all down to you in offering. In willingness to welcome you into my whole being instead. Empty me so you can fill me. Remove my barriers and set my feet towards your purpose for me. 

I know that I am here because you have a purpose here for me. I know that You are with me because you provide for me much more than I ask. And no matter how much I stray away towards the temptations around me, You pull me back and tell me in Your words and in song who I am to you. You tell me to stay close to You. So I will.