#empresonal

So things have been really bad for my lately, like as things stand right now I have dropped out of school again and I am living with my grandma because my mom doesn’t want me anymore. 

So to start things off some of you might have known that recently I tried to kill myself. I had been kicked out of my home and was living with a friend and I felt useless and bad and like a huge burden to everyone so I just basically decided that I didn’t have a future anymore, and that was it. I didn’t want to keep being a burde on everyone and I didn’t really have anyway that I could think of to fix it. I don’t have a high school diploma, so I can’t find a job because people ask like “why are you so old and not done with high school” and I don’t have an answer. So I gave up. I took the last of my money and bought as many pain killers as I could and took half of them which was somewhere around 80-100. I tweeted my “note” and assumed no one would see it, but then someone did see it and they alerted everyone who knew me and I got scared and called the police. 

From there I spent a couple of days in the hospital, I apparently said something incredibly messed up while I was on medication and it got back to the person I said it about, but I don’t remember saying it, and I definitely do not mean it. But the person who it was told to is understandably very upset, I am sorry for how this has hurt him. He feels responsible for what I did and that is just not true. No one is responsible but me, I wanted out and I made a bad choice. But the bad choice feels like it was calling for help. I am sorry for how I hurt him and I wish that I was able to explain to him what the truth is but I can’t do that and I can’t talk to him, and he won’t listen. As for the person who told him, I haven’t really spoken to her, she did more that just betray my trust she also hurt someone who I care so much about and took control of parts of my life that she had no business in, especially since I was under the influence of a lot of medication at the time, which is something that I know that she knew.