#emotionally

My boyfriend (32M) and I (30F) have been together for a while, and I’m starting to question whether I’m overreacting to a pattern in our relationship.

Whenever we have an argument, regardless of how serious or minor the issue is, he eventually resorts to threatening to end the relationship. It can happen when I’m expressing that something hurt me, disagreeing with him, setting a boundary, or simply taking up space and expecting my feelings to be acknowledged.

Any conversation where he feels challenged seems to turn into some variation of, “Then leave,” “I’ll leave you,” or “If you don’t like it, leave me.”

It has reached the point where I’m afraid to bring things up because I already anticipate the breakup threat. As a result, I often end up backing down, apologising, or suppressing what I actually wanted to say just to prevent the situation from escalating.

I don’t feel like I can communicate openly when I know that expressing disagreement may result in him threatening to leave.

I’m not expecting us to agree on everything. I just want to be able to have disagreements without the relationship itself constantly being used as leverage.

Am I overreacting by seeing this as a serious problem, or is repeatedly threatening to break up whenever your partner challenges you genuinely unhealthy behaviour?

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (96% confidence)

Top comment: “Youre under reacting by continuing the relationship of you dont want this to keep happening. This is so immature on both of your ends. You guys are in your 30s, this is early 20s new to dating shit”

Notable comment: “Darling RUN and don't look back. That is toxic. You're NOR at all. You should be able to bring those things up in a relationship and your partner should respect that and do their best to change the things that are bothering you, and vice versa. If they were to tell you I don't like it when you do XYZ, as their partner you should do your best to not do XYZ or work out a compromise. If they just go straight to threats of break up, it sounds like that's what they ultimately wanting. They are showing their true colors and have been for a while by the sounds of it. Breaking up sucks especially when you love the person but I promise just cut it off now instead of wasting more of your time and looking back in the future and asking yourself why did I not just leave sooner. Good luck OP. I hope you do what's best for you.

PS. Look at it like this, if your Best friend or someone who means a whole lot to you came to you with them in this exact situation, what would your advice be to them? It's likely the same advice I just gave you. No one deserves to be treated like that in ANY relationship.”

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